By the way... 500TH ENTRY

It's been an awfully long time since I started this blog up, so I don't really remember what my expectations were for it originally, but I don't think I imagined it lasting this long while still being maintained. I've got a few zombie message boards out there collecting dust, but you can hardly count those, and if you do, you can hardly be proud of them. And if you can, fuck you.

On day one, which for posterity's sake was Thursday, January 24th, 2004, I said "we'll see how the Great Experiment goes, as I'll probably just be using this to post my general thoughts on wrestling, TV shows, sports, books, my jackass friends, and as little as possible about my positively BURGEONING love life. (Gringe)"

I don't read as much as I'd like to. Other than that, I think I've managed to live up to my mission statement. Maybe a little too much with the wrestling at times, but I'd like to think I've struck a nice balance in the last couple of years. Probably has to do with not having any awareness at all of Jenna Fischer for that first year and a half or so.

You know that Glamorous song Fergie has? Does she say "flossy, flossy" or "flouncy, flouncy?" Either way is stupid, but the hook is stuck in my head so I might as well know the actual lyric.

Here's some things I noticed when going through the archives:

I used to go to Studio 35 a lot more often. I don't think that has anything to do with me, though. I think it's more to do with them not playing anything I want to see anymore. Which I suppose does speak to my taste in movies, so it does have to do with me. FINE.

When Ken Kennedy first debuted in 2005, I thought he was awesome. Go figure.

I used to take my smoking and drinking habits more seriously than I do now. Or I'd at least pay lip service to taking them seriously.

Lucas and I still haven't watched a Kentucky basketball game together.

I miss my old blog comments.

The Dirtbombs made a huge impression on me the first time I saw them, and have continued to do so with each subsequent viewing.

In a related note, I was through with white girls for almost eighteen whole months.

Dave was living in Cincinnati when I started this blog. I can't even remember what that was like. Not that I want him to move away or anything. It just feels like a million years ago. There's a huge difference in seeing someone every week and seeing someone every three or four months, that's for sure.

I used to take wrestling too seriously. I probably still do.

I miss B Movies and Beer events.

It's weird looking back at the deal where my friend Adam got married given how that's turned out.

I think the first picture I ever posted was that Von Erich family board game.

Too bad the whole Hassel the Hoff thing turned out to be a hoax, huh?

I thought TNA was GOING PLACES!

The Hip Hop Box has been missing for about three years.

Rock, Paper, Saddam is still funny as Hell.

Adam still hasn't made me a phat assed metal comp.

There are plenty of other nuggets of wisdom and reflection in the archives, and they're all just a click away!

Seriously, it's been (mostly) fun for 500 entries, and I don't see myself stopping any time soon. Except for right now, because I just dosed myself with NyQuil and I'm ready to hit the pillow like a Samoan. Speak to you tomorrow, and hey, thanks so much to everyone reading this. I wouldn't have made it this far without you.


"I'ma get-get-get-get you drunk."

More like the NFL NOTwork

According to this week's The Other Paper, as a subscriber of WOW! cable, I have the NFL Network. This, however, does not mean I'll actually be able to watch the Packers/Cowboys game I've been looking forward to for about three weeks. You see, I have the channel, but in their infinite greed, the NFL wants a surcharge on the provider to air the game itself. My version of the NFL Network will be airing recap shows from games from last weekend. So, I guess instead of a match up between a pair of 10-1 teams potentially vying for home field advantage throughout the NFC playoffs, I could watch three hours of things I already saw four days ago. This is the most useless channel in history. Anyone know any bars showing the game?

I have a cold. My nose is running like a faucet, so late fall is truly upon us. Hate hate hate.

The Scranton State Dundies are a fierce 8-0 in their third season in Division I football. The Dunder Bowl is becoming a hostile territory for Top 25 teams!

Speaking of, since Thanksgiving wasn't going to feature a new episode anyway, this is officially the first Thursday of the fall season to be impacted by the strike. But in an effort to provide content related to The Office, it's Brian Baumgartner's birthday!


"In general, they do not give me much responsibility. But they do let me shred the company documents. And that is really all I need."

For anyone who hasn't checked it out yet, my friend Dave essentially made my blog obsolete with his latest entry. Maybe that's really what my Blogaissance has been about. Priming the pump for the return of Davekwon. Still, the streak continues unabated.

See you tomorrow, blog nation. Go Favre!


TOO MANY TWOS.

The thing at the bottom is an acronym

Have you seen that terrible commercial for the fake ATM? A ten year old (estimating) kid asks his mom for ten bucks, and mom hands it over. Later that day, he comes back and asks for ten more. Mom's like, "Hey, you little fucker, I just gave you ten bucks. Where'd it go?" The kid just kind of shrugs his shoulders, and that's good enough for mom dukes apparently, as she GIVES HIM TEN MORE DOLLARS. And then, after she's given this pre-teen twenty dollars to blow on candy and Pogs or whatever, she goes out and buys him the fake ATM to teach him about the value of a dollar. This commercial is a complete failure. If you're going to write the mom as an idiot who spoils her son so badly, she shouldn't be able to figure out that she needs the product by herself. After giving her son the money, she should look right into the camera, say "There must be a better way!" and then the announcer goes into the product pitch. When you're using an ATM as a symbol of financial responsibility your product has enough to overcome to begin with. The least you can do is not compound the problem by making offensively bad commercials.


"Thanks, mom. Now when I play bank I don't even have to leave my battery powered Formula One racer!"

Any time (and it's pretty often) I think about how useless U-God is and how he should be kicked out of the Wu-Tan Clan, I invariably hear Da Mystery of Chessboxin' soon after and am reminded of his awesome opening line: "Raw I'ma give it to ya, with no trivia/Raw like cocaine straight from Bolivia". It's like God letting me know that there's a place for even the wackest members of any crew.


Here's to only mostly sucking.

For a strike update, talks were described as "friendly but unproductive" for Tuesday, the second day of negotiations. HURRY UP, HOLLYWOOD CHUMPS. More details here.

Before I go, just a reminder about a couple of things. I want to watch the Ring of Honor: Man Up pay per view sometime in the near future, possibly on Sunday evening. Those local and interested, please express said interest here on the blog.

Andrew, Dave, and I are planning on heading to Heath for the Luchagors show on Tuesday the 4th. Tickets are $10. Could be fun to see what Lita gave up weekly national television exposure for. Any other takers?

All right, sports fans. I'm gonna bounce on out of here for the day. Until next time, you've been blogged.


Stuff We All Get

RAW is Poor

Okay, so not really. I actually liked last night's show, by and large. I didn't start watching until about 12:45 for Bourbon Street related reasons, but I was captivated enough by the goings on that I made it through the entire program with minimal fast forwarding (do you really expect me to watch an eight man tag featuring Hacksaw Jim Duggan and The Highlanders? Come on now). I wouldn't have given Chris Jericho's first match in over two years away for free with about two minutes of build up, but I'm not the head of a multi-million dollar company. Aside from what I felt was a foolish business decision in that regard, Jericho looked good in defeating the ever-dangerous Santino Marella. He also endeared himself to me by taking a sweet looking move that Alex Shelley has used for years as little more than "just another move" and actually turning it into a finisher. I like Alex Shelley, but seriously, less is more, dude.

Even better was the angle they started with Ric Flair. Essentially, he came out last night, in Charlotte, and the announcers were wringing their hands over what they assumed would be the Nature Boy announcing his retirement from our so called sport. Not so! Indeed, the 58-year old bag of skin declared that he would never retire, that he would die in the ring! The fans were pleased by this news to a distressing degree. So out shambles Vince, who pretended to play nice for a few seconds before dropping the hammer: Ric Flair will continue to wrestle until he LOSES a match! Randy Orton, ne'er-do-well WWE Champion found that news music to his ears, and insisted that he be the one to end Flair's career, THAT VERY NIGHT.

So it was all set: Flair versus Orton, Flair's career on the line. Add to that the fun Jericho return match and things were coasting along very, very well. And then it happened.

Hornswoggle McMahon got trapped in a room with Carlito.

Yes, the 4'4" chin-pubed pariah of professional wrestling's first family was tricked into entering an enclosed space by a sign reading "Free Ice Cream Sandwiches." Once inside, Carlito was waiting, notably without any ice cream sandwiches. You see, Carlito was pinned by Hornswoggle last week on RAW because that's what happens when you ask for your release from WWE. Anyway, he was out for a little REVANCHE. You'd think that in an enclosed space, a man the size of Carlito would have a distinct advantage over a dwarf. Of course, you'd be wrong. His back against a wall, Hornswoggle produced a black magic marker and began drawing on the wall. The camera chose not to capture this moment, instead focusing on Carlito's puzzled expression. When we saw the result of the dwarf's labors, it was a perfectly sketched tunnel, just big enough for a little person to walk right on through. That is, if it weren't a tunnel painted onto a brick wall. I mean, it's not a cartoon, right? Hahahahaha! WRONG.

After running around Carlito a few times (presumably to build up his innate ability to phase through solid objects Kitty Pryde style), Hornswoggle RAN INTO THE TUNNEL. Seemingly. Actually, thanks to some "clever" camera work, we never actually saw the Lilliputian turn into a Looney Tune and miss that left turn at Albuquerque, but Carlito certainly seemed convinced. Enough so that he took a few bites of his apple, backed up, and ran straight into the wall. See, because it's a wall. And he's made of flesh and bone. HAW HAW HAW. This ruined my night.

RAW needs to decide who its audience is. If it wants to be a kid's show and do this nonsense all the time, fine. I'll just stop watching. No problem. I have WWE 24/7 now. I don't really need the current product. If it wants to cater to adults by telling logical stories built up over time in the interest of making new stars, that's fine too. But trying to do both just isn't working right now. RAW cannot be all things to all people. The audience they have right now knows what they want to see, and they're voting with their remotes every time Hornswoggle is on their screens.

If that was too subtle, it means viewers hate him and ratings go down whenever he has a segment.

Now, for a dose of completely unrelated goodness...


Nothing I can say about this picture will improve it. It's impossible.

Late Morning of the Living Ingrate

I momentarily forgot something Abe said yesterday at Ruby's while we were watching the game. I don't remember how the conversation got to this point, or what he possibly could have been thinking, but he asserted that he had seen more zombie movies than me.

Bullshit.

Utter, utter bullshit. I'll go to the mat on this one. You don't question me on my wrestling, The Office, or zombie movie fandom. I've forgotten more about zombie movies than that twerp will ever learn. In fact, I got him started down the undead path back in high school, and now that I see his ingratitude, I'm sorry I did it. Seen more movies than me? Hardly. I'm watching eight zombie movies as I type this! I dream in zombie movies. When I take a good, sturdy brush to my hair, zombie movies come out of my head!


Abe may be able to tell you that "Return of the Living Dead Part II" is a shitty movie, but only I can tell you (in excruciating detail) why.

Now that I think of it, I'm glad that flame headed fucker is gone and I don't have to deal with his trash talk any more until next month. And yes, it's trash talk, not smack talk, because him having seen more zombie movies than me is only hypothetical!


“Your momma is so fat, she could eat the Internet.” Yes, just like that.

Speaking of that fine, fine show... check this out. Only one day into negotiations and a deal may have already been struck! [Daymon]THAT'S GOOD NEWS, SON![/Daymon] Could it be? Could The Office be back in production right after Christmas? Keep hope in your hearts, true believers!



It's not even been a full week and already I feel the weight of THE STREAK dragging me down. But I, a true fan of zombie movies, will persevere!


We zombie aficionados have gotta stick together

And then it got weird.

DREAMCAST UPDATE: One of my controllers is busted, not recognizing memory cards properly and causing all manner of trouble with random bleeps and bloops. I thought it was the console initially, and then I fingered the memory card itself as the culprit, so this is actually the best outcome. I just need a new second controller. The Dreamcast lives on!

Hey, this is a little late, but have you noticed how Tucker Carlson doesn't wear bow ties anymore? I think he must have lost an election season bet, because he switched to neckties last December or so. I like Tucker. He's a real conservative. I don't agree with a lot of what he says, but at least he's resolute in being wrong and not just following a party line.


TUCKER~!


Not Biel, but what is?

Oh, you know what sucks? Not 3:10 To Yuma. I saw this on Thanksgiving Day, and it's the best western I've laid eyes on in a good thirteen years (I really like Maverick. Sue me.). That's really not saying much considering the paucity of genre releases, but trust me, this is a good one. Batman and Maximus are awesome cowboys.

I'm listening to a David Banner song right now, and man does that guy ever suck.

Ghost and Wigs: Better than David Banner. Yes, even Shawn Wigs. That Shawn Wigs. Right.

The Bengals and Browns both won today (no thanks to Uncle Adam), which I think is another of those signs of the Apocalypse.

Abe is leaving tomorrow, which is sad. He got to see the first eighteen episodes of The Office while he was in town though, which is happy. HAPPY! I try to find the positive, na'mean?


Someone made this.

Okay, I've done my blogging duty for the day. May I be dismissed?


"At ease, Colonel Nappy."

Speaking of saluting... ahem.

Powerless

No electricity for most of the day, so this will be brief.

THANK YOU, LSU. Now Cody, tell your school to do their part so we can have the Ohio State/West Virginia national championship game we all want.


Hey, Judd. Big fan of your work. Stay away.

Massive Coronary

Hey, if anyone wants to brave the Black Friday awesomeness to head over to Best Buy to pick up the Tom Petty: Running Down a Dream DVD set for me, that'd be super duper. Just $29.99! No? No takers?

One of the three UFC matches I was actually looking forward to from now until February, Matt Serra defending his welterweight title against Matt Hughes, is off the books for the time being, as Serra suffered a herniated disc in training. This is the match that the current season of The Ultimate Fighter has been building up, and if it wasn't bad enough that this season has proven to be so boring that I stopped watching after five weeks, now it's all heading towards a fight that probably won't be happening until the spring at the earliest. This is why pro wrestling is better than real fighting. Unless you're Shawn Michaels in his heyday, if you suffer a herniated disc, at the very least you can job the title to the challenger before taking time off to get better and your big upcoming pay per view isn't completely shot in the foot. If Vince McMahon had a match that was going to do as many buys as Serra/Hughes was, you can bet your life that he'd carry the champion down to the ring if he had to. Come to think of it, that actually happened once. When the British Bulldogs were tag team champions in the mid-80s, Dynamite Kid's back became so bad that his partner, Davey Boy Smith, carried him piggyback down to the ring because Vince was so adamant that they lose the titles in the ring rather than have them stripped and vacated. He's a Hell of a humanitarian, that Vincent Kennedy McMahon.

That went on a bit longer than I had planned on. Sorry.

Abe's in town for Thanksgiving weekend and whatnot. Good times. As mentioned on another blog, we got to hang out on Tuesday night at BOB'S BAR down near Graceland, and that place is kind of wack, but they have a punch card challenge that I need to get down with at some point. Abe's little sister, who I hadn't seen in several years, is now totally John blazin' as well. Good job growing up! Oh, and as promised, I did indoctrinate Abe into the wonders of The Office Wednesday night, as we took down the six episodes of season one, the first two episodes of season two, and after a hip hop detour at the So What Wednesdays anniversary show, knocked out the next four season two eps as well. As I imagined, Abe is captivated!

I was just searching for a picture that could properly convey "captivated" and I came across a forum discussion of a girl whose hamster's eye fell out. It's kind of funny because the thread starts with the girl worried about her hamster because its eye is bulging, and after getting some advice from a veterinarian, she begins using some over the counter eye drops and it appears to be having the desired effect. Four days later, she posts an entry with the title "It Fell Out" and a purple frowny face next to the words. Awesome.

I watched seven of nine (HAHAHAHAHAHA DORK) F*R*I*E*N*D*S Thanksgiving episodes over the past few days and say what you will about that show (or my choosing to spell it out in the manner that I did), but they could do a Thanksgiving episode like nobody's business. I daresay the body of work in terms of their Turkey Day offerings is stronger than those of Roseanne. Rosie's still the queen of Halloween themed episodes though, South Park be damned.

Enough of my babbling for one day. Let's get out of here with a nice, easy Jenna pic that won't be too rough on my constitution.


What? No! Jesus Christ, it is not possible! It's the big one, Lizbeth!

The Streak

I trust his math (and I'm lazy), so I'm just going to assume that ol' Funky D is right about me being able to top my 2004 total if I go non-stop until the end of the year. So here we are, in day two of the forty-one day BLOGAPALOOZA death march towards 173. Surely not such a streak has been seen since Bill Goldberg circa 1998.


Santa's Slay > you

Thirty-three days in a row was rough, but I think I can do it. In fact, I know I can. And knowing is half the battle.


"I hate each and every one of you pukeamaniacs."

Speaking of which, fabulously hot Sienna Miller is going to play The Baroness in the upcoming G.I. Joe live action adaptation.


"Keen Eddie" was so great. I bet Mark Valley hit that.

Olivia Munn did a sketch on Attack of the Show recently where she dressed up like The Baroness. Sadly, I couldn't find a picture of it. Maybe someday the Internet will catch up to the pace of my attention span. Until tomorrow, OUT.


Ack! Jenna has been replaced by a Terminator! The red eyed menace is upon us! Ross the Intern is doomed!

Sick Day

I woke up sick today. I thought about extending my blogcation another day, but I didn't want to come back to find y'all stuck on Funky Daggers, and be left wonderin' how y'all bloggers got past me. So here I am, with all manner of sinus shiz goin' on, kickin' it just for you.

The blogcation was set into motion by a death on the Napier side of the family. My cousin Mario passed away late Friday night at the age of 54. It's been kind of hectic the past few days, so don't worry, I didn't forget about you. I don't want to dwell on death though.

I still don't have a PS2, so I still haven't played Fire Pro Wrestling Returns. Unacceptable.

Abe has never seen The Office. I think tonight may be SEASON ONE INDOCTRINATION TIME. Don't worry, Lee. I can use my bootleg.

All right. As noted, I'm sick, and I'm going back to bed. Sorry again for the three day layoff.


[Funky D]Poker? I barely know her! You brought her, you poke her![/Funky D]

Gearin' Up For Game Day

I picked up The Other Paper two days ago, as I do almost every Thursday. There was a brief period where I had sworn it off, shortly after it was sold to a syndicate based out of Texas. Having returned, it appears that nothing has really changed since then, which is great. I still get Petric mocking Genesis for weeks at a time, Dan Williamson's columns on local and state politics, and Tom the Dancing Bug. It's all I ask, really.



On the other hand, I grabbed a Columbus Alive yesterday. I forgot to bring my half-read Wrestling Observer Newsletter on the bus with me, and desperate for something to read, I hurried over to Habib's and picked up a copy. Now, I've loved The Other Paper for longer than I can remember, and always thought of Columbus Alive as something of an ugly stepsister. And that was before the Dispatch bought it. This is hardly a groundbreaking statement, but where it was once just amateurish, Columbus Alive is now completely laughable. Provided you can wade through the sea of ads and spot the articles hiding between them, you're sure to find all kinds of great content, like a recap of the goings on at the latest shitty bar Miss Bella went to. Or how about a few great Thanksgiving desert recipes? Way to reach your target demographic there, fellas.

Sorry to anyone not from Columbus for that whole thing. Columbus Alive just really sticks in my craw.

I went to see the MC Chris show at The High Five on Thursday night with various sundry characters, including Funky D, Old Renkes, the McD Twins, and Meryl. Actually, that's everyone. Anyhow, it was my third time catching his act, and hey, as long as people continue to make video games, he's always going to have fresh material between songs, that's for sure.

I went to see the Beowulf picture with my dad yesterday afternoon. Honest to God, I didn't know this existed until about three weeks ago, and had no idea it was motion captured until I was in the theater watching it. From the previews, I just thought it was a bunch of really shitty special effects. And you know what? Maybe that was the case. However, I saw it in on a glorious IMAX screen in even more glorious 3-D! Much like Superman Returns in 2006, I have a feeling that if I ever see this again in a lesser format, I'll be very disappointed. So my advice to you all is to get out there and catch it in 3-D while you can. Also, Angelina Jolie in hybrid live action/motion capture still has a fantastic boob job, and trying to think about Jon Voigt's wrinkled sack from whence she came did not aid me in forestalling my lust.


You on the left, you failed me. You on the right, well played.

I defeated Photobucket.

That is all.

Okay, I guess I can elaborate. I tried to upload three pictures last night, and got back a message saying that only two of the three had been processed due to my now having ONE THOUSAND images stored in my album. That's right. ONE THOUSAND. And it only took three and a half years. Apparently I can create a sub-album and keep going, so it's not really a big deal, but I felt like I had made a very minor accomplishment. I think I'll probably go through and delete a few of the non-blog pics.


A fine example of a pic from my album never before seen on this here blog. Unless it was. To be perfectly honest, I've kind of lost track at this point.

I need to be more mature about my sleeping habits. For some reason, I often find it difficult to justify going to sleep at a reasonable hour. There's always "one more episode" to watch or "one more chapter" to read, or "one more game" to play. I have a test this morning at 9, and you know what time I finally turned the TV off to go to sleep? 3:30! Now, I was laying down from about midnight until then, but for Christ's sake, I definitely could have used that time more productively. It's not like I'd never seen the first eight episodes of the second season of Scrubs. Believe me, I had!

OBLIGATORY "THE OFFICE" REVIEW FOR SEASON 4, EPISODE 8: "THE DEPOSITION"

[Daymon]GOOD NEWS, SON![/Daymon] The Writer's Guild of America and the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (the two sides in the squabble) have agreed to resume negotiations on Monday, November 26th. Even if you don't care about television, if you're reading this blog, you care about me, who does. So please, put some good vibes out into the universe and hopefully this will all be resolved soon with minimal impact on my ability to consume scripted entertainment.

As for Thursday's episode itself, a big step up from Survivor Man, that's for sure. Actually, aside from Kelly turning into a raging bitch seemingly overnight (or over the span of a week at most), this may have been the season's strongest offering from a flat out comedic standpoint. And even Kelly's sudden bitchiness served the comedic master if not the logical storytelling master. "I don’t talk trash. I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical, like, "Your momma is so fat, she could eat the Internet." But smack talk is, happening like, right now. Like, "you’re ugly and I know it for a fact, 'cause I got the evidence. Right there.""


"Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball."

This was another episode where your heart really goes out to Michael, as he's (quite unfairly) torn between the woman he loves and the company he loves. Judging by the ending of the episode, looks like things could be rocky for Michael and Jan. The ping-pong subplot was very welcome to take the edge off the very dark comedy found in the A story, and more Craig Robinson on my TV screen is fantastic. Oh, and Toby just ruled the world in this one. It was a bittersweet episode of course, as it's the final one for the time being.

Well, time to get a move on. Not much else to say but GO BUCKS!


Hope to see you soon.

Guest Blog Entry: Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute

Andy here. As I already wrote a comment so great that I think I actually won Andrew's blog (the whole thing) right over here, I feel like I deserve a day off. I'll be back at the end to drool over Jenna of course, but it can't hurt to shake things up, so let me turn it over to a good friend of mine, Mister Gheorghe Zamfir.

(clap clap clap clap clap)

Thank you, Andy. When I was a young boy growing up in Romania, I always dreamed of writing a blog. Many twists and turns in the road of life brought me to this point. Originally, I wanted to become an accomplished accordion player, but as a gypsy with the power of peering into the future, I saw that whole Weird Al/Steve Urkel thing coming and dodged a bullet. The ability to gaze far, far into the future is at times a blessing, but often it is truly more of a curse. When you're born in 1941 and all you ever wanted to do was be a blogger, how to pass the nigh seventy years you know you'll have to wait before you get your chance? The answer, my Zamfirniacs, lay in the pan flute.


My homie James Brown, little known Zamfir disciple, blowing away for all he's worth. Pour some Bucharest Bugle for the deceased, y'all.

Sure, my music has been heard around the world on the radio, in television, and even on the silver screen for decades. I was even mentioned multiple times on the seminal anti-sitcom Sports Night. But until this very day, I have never truly lived. God bless you, Andy Napier. God bless you for this opportunity. As Ennio Morricone told me on the set of Once Upon a Time in America, "Gheorghe, Andy Napier is the living end." With that, I must away! But fear not, you can hear my incessant tootling once again in The Karate Kid Part 5, Kill Bill Vol. 3, coming soon to Betamax.

Andy here. Show your love for Zamfir. This isn't as easy as I make it look. Office thoughts after a second viewing, possibly tomorrow afternoon, depending on the OSU/Michigan outcome.


Jim Halpert: Mugging Michigan fan. Pam Beesly: ROFFLEing at his futility. Ricky Gervais: Awesome dude.

Lord, Beer Me Strength

It's here. Last Day.



No, no, no! Not that. Much, much worse than mandatory death at the age of 30. Today is the LAST EPISODE OF THE OFFICE EVER.

For now.

What will I do!? WHAT WILL I DO!?


Sweet Jim, I'll miss you second most of all.

I imagine a lot of DVD watching is in my immediate future.


SCRANTONES ON STRIKE with Kate Flannery and Lily Tomlin!

So, I downloaded the demo of The Office video game. I of course, love the show, and am very sad to see it go for the time being after tonight's episode. However, after playing through all eight stages of the game's first level, I've determined that I'll never, ever have twenty dollars that I want to waste so badly as to purchase the full version of this thing. It's kind of like having a job in an office, in that it's entirely about busy work.



See, the icons over the seated workers heads? You go and fetch whatever it is they want. That's about it, really. And yes, they're all super deformed. Even sweet Pam. Occasional sound clips from the show and unlocking familiar props for your virtual desktop aren't enough to squeeze any blood from the stone that is my poor wallet. Why couldn't they have gone the Home Improvement route and set the game in the prehistoric age? That's really the only option when you have a franchise that just cannot be reasonably spun off into a fun video game. Do it in an unreasonable fashion. I'd play as Creed Bratton fighting dinosaurs for a few minutes.


"I was wondering how they were going to be faithful to Episode 28: Holy Crap, a Fire-Breathing Dinosaur!" - Seanbaby

Until next time, fans of the blog... I'm Andy, and you're better for knowing me.


Lots of quality time with your cat up ahead, sweet thing.

Two Years Without Eddy

It didn't even strike me until I saw a topic on a message board this morning, but it's now two years to the day that Eddy Guerrero died in his hotel room in Minneapolis. I wrote quite a bit about the topic at the time on this blog, here, here, and here if you'd like to take a look. After November of '05, however, it was difficult to discuss, as WWE constantly used Eddy's name for profit in the wake of his death, going so far as Randy Orton, in an attempt to get heel heat, stating for all the world to hear that Eddy was in Hell. Since then, wrestling has been in a strange place. Much has changed, but at the same time, nothing has. WWE has paid lip service to drug testing, but only seems to take it seriously intermittently. Rey Mysterio was elevated to a main even spot, essentially replacing Guerrero. The significance is that a man of his size had never been a headliner in a major American wrestling company. The other piece of that is, as he was just basically playing Eddy Guerrero at a period when the company was squeezing every dollar out of the death that they could, his time on top was brief, and looks unlikely to ever be recaptured.



But this isn't the time to talk about my disappointment in WWE and the wrestling industry at large. Today I just want to honor the greatest wrestler I ever saw. I still miss Eddy, and I probably always will. I've found a new favorite wrestler since then, but it's never going to be the same. It's never going to be just another "wrestling death" to me. I won't pretend that my life has been shattered by his death, but it is important to me. I'd like to quote something I posted two years ago, written originally by an admin for the Death Valley Driver Video Review Message Board, Dean Rasmussen, in response to Eddy's death. He said, in part:



"I've come to grips with what I think is important in my whole motherfucking life and one of the things that gave me insight into what is important in my life was the fact that Eddy Guerrero showed me that something dear to me- the Professional Wrestling- is worth finding spiritual catharsis in and that my upbringing and my memories and my shared experiences with with my brother and my friends through wrestling are IMPORTANT and legitimate."



This makes me think of years gone by, watching RAW with Lee and Franz when I was fourteen and fifteen years old, telling jokes, bonding, being a part of something. Wrestling fans are a special breed. I really believe that. And like Dean, I do think this illegitimate sport can foster very legitimate feelings and experiences.



Anyhow, Eddy, it's been two years and I still hate that you're gone. There's never been someone as good as you were at any one thing, let alone everything. Thank you for an incredible eighteen year career, the last eight of which I was honored to watch unfold in real time.



No Jenna today. Doesn't seem right.

Fulci Movies Suck and Other Things I've Learned

Lucio Fulci directed 54 movies in his lifetime. I own four of them and I believe this qualifies me to state as fact that he wasn't very good at his chosen profession. Maybe he showed promise earlier in his career, when he was doing mostly comedies and westerns, but the day he stepped into the horror arena, he was shooting garbage from the word 'go.' That's not to say that I don't love all four Fulci films I own (Okay, three of them. Zombi III is indefensible.), because I do. They're just horrible, that's all. I knew Zombi II and The Beyond were bad movies, and as stated above, Zombie III is an absolute abortion, but it wasn't until I sat down this evening to finally watch my copy of City of the Living Dead that it all came together.


"Mama mia! I suck!"

The creators of the Saw franchise should actually be paying out mad royalties to the Fulci estate, because they essentially took the most important element of his films and built their own around it. What Fulci clearly does in all four of these movies I've seen is get an idea for a really graphic, horrible way for a character to meet their end, and then write an entire movie around that one thing. As awesome as a woman's eye being impaled on a shard of wood may be, it's not enough to hold up an entire movie. As gut-churning as a man having his head slowly run through with a giant drill is, you can't use that alone to prop up an otherwise flimsy premise. The Saw guys are actually really smart, because they realized what a bad idea that was, and just made their entire movies about the hideous, Rube Goldbergian mechanisms of death. All that said, Fulci will always have a place in my heart because he filmed this.



No caption necessary there, I don't think.

All right, so I got the Fulci rant out of my system. It's been slowly bubbling to the surface for a good four years. With that taken care of, who's ready for a little Office talk?

OBLIGATORY "THE OFFICE" REVIEW FOR SEASON 4, EPISODE 7: "SURVIVOR MAN"

The strike is still ongoing, meaning this week's episode, The Deposition, will be the final for a while.


You people are too god damn chipper about this.

Regardless, life goes on (for now). I would say that Thursday's episode was the weakest of the season, but it still had it's moments. The big problem was the main plot (I guess) just didn't work. Michael Scott losing his mind in the woods for a few hours just didn't do it for me. On the other hand, the subplot of Jim taking over the office for the day and coming to the quick realization that he's dangerously close to turning into Michael, was AWESOME. The best stuff in the entire episode was actually in the tag at the end, which I thought was an odd place to put it. Jim and Michael's conversation is spun gold. Steve Carell, in the two episodes he's written (the first being the fabulous season two finale Casino Night), has shown great capacity for writing these characters, and it was the personal moments rather than the big, broad Michael-in-the-woods stuff that kept my attention last week. Not much JAM material this week, so things seem steady in that area. Personally, I blame NBC's "Green Week" mandate for the wacker than usual main storyline. I expect a return to top form this week.

All right, got RAW coming up, with the eightieth Triple H/Umaga match of the past three months. Can't wait!

Oh! And remember, tomorrow brings Broin' Down 6: BROvember Rain! 7 pm, Ruby Tuesday. Just as a refresher, here are the ground rules.

RULES OF BROIN'

Rule Number One: NO GURLZ ALLOWED. This is broin' down, not hoin' down. You can do that on your own time.

Rule Number Two: Speaking of GURLZ, they are either a ONE or a TWO. No exceptions.

Rule Number Three: Six bros are company, ten bros are a sausage fest.

Rule Number Four: Thou shalt not use any modifier in reference to any BROIN event other than BRO.

I love broin' down nights.


Provided this strike ever ends, David Denman needs a series!

Wrestling content - deal with it! AND MORE

1998 wasn't so long ago that I can't remember that I used to hate Fit Finlay. I vividly recall him being shoehorned into a perfectly good Booker T/Chris Benoit WCW TV Title feud and greatly detracting from it. Is it a sign of my changing tastes that Finlay, now 49, is one of my favorite wrestlers? He's been back in the ring with WWE for nearly two years now, and has been absolutely amazing throughout. Nine years and one dead leg after I thought he was duller than dishwater while in a feud with two of my favorites. WHAT HAPPENED?


Back in the day when he was young, he's not a kid anymore, but some days, he... sorry.

I watched the Smackdown! program last night, and one of the featured bouts was Finlay versus Rey Mysterio. They've had something of a feud over the past six weeks or so, and Fit finally (no pun intended, for realz!) put one in the win column against the undersized luchador. This match RULED. Maybe he's just working up-tempo now that he's returned to the ring for the new millennium, or maybe I was just blind in my youth, but Fit Finlay is frigging great.


Much like a Nitro Girl, he makes a goofy face.

Chyna actually changed her name to Chyna. If that works as far as getting around WWE's copyright on the name, why didn't she do this years ago?

Why isn't Vin Diesel out of the closet yet? His name is VIN DIESEL and he sounds the way he does. For Christ's sake, somebody wave a feather boa under his his nose or something.


Yeah, dude. Not gay. Whatever.

I hope everyone is ready and rested for Tuesday, November 13th, which just so happens to be........... Broin' Down 6: BROvember Rain!


Yeah! Rip it up, Slash!

I don't know if I've told the tale on the blog yet, but if so, TOO BAD. We were trying to decide between BROvember to Remember and BROvember Rain, but we liked both very much. Because it actually rained on the day of Broin' Down 5: OctoBROfest, we took it as a sign from the Dark Lord Crispin that the latter title was the perfect fit.


Your will be done, my liege.

A look ahead:

December 11th: Broin' Down 7: BROhoho

January 8th: Broin' Down 8: Twenty-BRO-eight

February 12th: Broin' Down 9: FeBROary

Go ahead and plan your life around it!

I'm 3-8-0 in Fantasy Basketball. I don't really know what that means, or how I've played 11 games, but there you have it. The Dusky Gentlemen are off to a rollicking start!


Win.

So, I used to watch Attack of the Show (AotS for cool kids), and then I stopped. I think I just had too much junk backlogged on the DVR, and that was an easy five hours a week I could cut out. Well, I returned to the program on Wednesday, in preparation for the desolate TV wasteland the strike is going to leave me with, and you know what? Olivia Munn is ridiculous.


Spelled G, Double E, K.

I don't normally do this, but I'm going to post a second picture, because it's too awesome to not post.


Yoda spoke of another, and BLAOW! There she is!

What a nerd I am. But seriously, I can't fathom how I justified not watching this show over the past few months.

Probably because I was more focused on watching her show.


SEGUE KING. NO MAN MAY CHALLENGE MY RULE!