WWE NXT Recap! Season One, Episode One!

I don't think the standard Workrate format is going to work for a show like this, whatever this even turns out to be. So let's just go with a straightforward chronological recap style. Hopefully I don't bore myself to sleep. Gonna try to do this in real time without pausing the program too, so wish me luck!

Totally wacky entrance video and song showing the "rookies" and their corresponding mentors.

All eight men stand side by side backstage, and Bryan Danielson is SO SHORT. The Miz looks the men over with disdain, eventually calling out Danielson. Dragon's wacky reactions to the Miz are fantastic. Miz wants to throw Danielson to the wolves. MIZ ORDERS HIM TO HAVE A CATCH PHRASE. This show is already incredible. Miz mispronounces the word "desert" somehow.

Danielson comes out, slapping hands and stuff. Commentators are Cole and Matthews, with The Teacher getting hosting duties. Danielson's promo is awesomely goofy. He wishes his pro was Regal. THAT'S A SHOOT, BROTHER! Miz cuts Danielson off and there's already too much going on in this program. Danielson threatens to stretch The Miz. I can't believe what I'm watching. Danielson's robe rules. The fans like him too. That's cool. Miz slaps Danielson and then RUNS SCURRED! This all happened in nine minutes. This recap is going to kill me.

Thanks AMERICAN BANG for the NXT theme song!

The Teacher interviews Danielson backstage about this wackiness, and it sucks. I blame Striker.

HOLY SHIT MAIN EVENT DANIELSON VERSUS JERICHO.

Carlito and his dude are out. This poor guy. We get a Michael Tarver video package. Good stuff, plus he's from Akron. Sorry, Danielson. I'm hitching my wagon to TARVER. That's what Bryan gets for being from Aberdeen, Washington. Fuck Aberdeen.

Carlito and Tarver in a tag match against Christian and rookie HEATH SLATER. From Pineville, West Virginia! And he gets a video package too! He's a rock star without instruments, apparently. And he can do arm bars! He makes an inappropriately explicit remark about his mother's womb. This guy can't win. Bell rings and it's Slater and Carlito starting us off. Something's weird about the way they're shooting the matches on this show. It's like every camera shot is off by an inch or so. It's more distracting than anything. I hope they get the artiness out of their system. Tarver is efficient in mixed martial arts AND a dangerous striker according to Michael Cole. What a moron. He can't possibly ever actually listen to himself on commentary. There's no way he'd still be this incompetent. Carlito and Christian play off the finish of their RAW match from last night, which is a nice touch. Christian pins Tarver clean. That'll get him over. Not to say that he should have beaten Christian or anything. Just kind of weird to have one of the rookies doing a job right from the get go.

Backstage, CM Punk and the rest of the Straight Edge Society look absolutely appalled by their rookie, whose name I already forget. The Black Face John Cena guy, though. Thanks, Lucas. He's facing the husband of Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson... NEXT! Or should I say NXT! No, probably not.

Jared Young is his name. Or Darren Young. I don't know. It doesn't matter at this point. He's described as a "South Beach party boy" CM Punk is a disgruntled employee who wants nothing to do with this clown!

David Otunga is a handsome gentleman. That may be all he has going for him. Second ever Harvard graduate in the WWE! I miss Chris Nowinski.

Otunga is out with R-Truth, who may be wearing the exact same flannel shirt that I'm wearing right now. I knew we were simpatico. Rookie versus rookie here and it'll be interesting to see if the crowd gives them a chance. Botched spinebuster by Otunga, and he gets the pin. Wow. That was fast. He had one move to do and he blew it. Sucks to be that dude.

Another recap of the Miz/Danielson stuff for some reason. I guess they're counting on that relationship to carry the show. Even having seen just forty minutes of this show, Danielson is clearly the one they've chosen to break from the pack.

Jericho's music plays at 10:42, so this main event may get some time. His rookie is Wade Barrett, some Brit. He wears a rose in his jacket. What a queer. That's right.

And... back to commercial. That was weird.

Matt Hardy and his rookie, Justin Gabriel, appear next week. Good that they're not trying to squeeze all sixteen guys onto each show.

Jericho demands that Barrett introduce him. He has a THICK accent. Like, molasses thick.

Danielson bumps Miz on the way to the ring. My official prediction: Miz costs Danielson the match.

And... ANOTHER COMMERCIAL BREAK. Cripes all Friday.

Bell rings as soon as we come back. Danielson offers a handshake, and Jericho slaps the hand away. Lots of jawjacking back and forth. Not a lot to call. Just a basic match, executed very well by two really excellent professional wrestlers. Cole calls an "enzuigiri to the back of the head". What a fucking moron. Have I mentioned that? Cole is playing heel commentator apparently. That's fitting. ANTI-TECHNOLOGY! BRINGING UP DIRT SHEETS! Yeah, take that Meltzer! Danielson with a big time comeback, but eats a Code Breaker. Jericho takes his time, and then puts on the Walls of Jericho. Danielson taps almost immediately. Well, so much for my prediction. Miz with a beat down on Danielson after the match.

This show is not exactly what I was expecting. Though thinking about it, I'm really not sure WHAT I was expecting. I liked it though.

I Belonged to Facebook

Hard as it may be to believe, I caved. Last night, likely due to lack of sleep and general giddiness, I registered a Facebook account under the name Davenport Abernathy. For the next fifteen minutes I poked around, experiencing Facebook and all it had to offer.

Got it out of my system. Deleted my account so fast my own head spun. So for any stragglers here at the Blog That Wouldn't Die, if you want to keep track of my frequent but brief thoughts, I'm over at Gmail using their Buzz feature. Thank you kindly and goodbye, Facebook!

Fuck Off, Rocky

Because Adam Demanded It

And because it's only right... once more for old time's sake.

All hail the herald of the Blogaissance.

The Roffle Truth

I can't keep this blog up with any regularity anymore. I'm not saying I'm done with it for good, but until there's some kind of significant uptick in my general health, this is going to be my last post. It's been a good six years, and hopefully there will be many more to come. Thanks for the support, Blog Nation.

Royal Rumble Event Reminder

Bring yourself and some dollars. Pay per view ain't free, hence the pay part.

My house, 8 pm, Sunday, January 31st.

Impact Thoughts 1/21/10

If TNA is going to make absolutely no sense, at least now it makes no sense AND has Ric Flair doing long promos. On the balance, the Hogan era is thus far a success.

Also, AJ Styles' dress shirt really picked up his beautiful blue eyes.

Contentious Statement, January 20th, 2010 edition

What Women Want is the most unnecessary fantasy film ever made.

MMA Is Pro Wrestling

Love watching "MMA" highlight packages on Youtube where fifteen year olds have compiled big slams and cool submissions, half of which are actually taken from Japanese pro wrestling matches. Because you see, these kids have been tricked. That Great Muta, one HELL of a shoot fighter right there. I approve of reclassifying Keiji Mutoh's entire career as being mixed martial arts, though. If Inoki can get away with it, I don't see why he can't.

Impact Thoughts

Watching Impact and Sting is up in the rafters. In 2010. Also, holy God is Scott Hall ever old. I'm used to seeing Kevin Nash looking like a giant Kenny Rogers week in and week out, but the state of Scott Hall freaks me out anew every time.

Getting my horror hate on

Broin' Down 32 was a big success, as Broin' Down tends to be month in and month out, year in and year out. I wish I had left well enough alone and just gone to sleep, but no. I had the opportunity to watch Rob Zombie's Halloween 2 and Paranormal Activity and decided to go for it. Even as someone who really enjoyed Zombie's first stab at the Halloween franchise (at least upon the first viewing), I wasn't sold on the idea of a sequel. After seeing it, I don't really think there was anything glaringly wrong with the movie. It was just really boring, which is quite a feat when telling the story of an iconic, supernatural serial killer guided by visions of his dead mother and younger self.

As for Paranormal Activity, I'll admit to being genuinely creeped out by several moments throughout, but all in all I'd never want to see this again. Horror movies, or any movie really, where the antagonist's motivations are vague or entirely unknown, rarely engage me. Same reason I hated The Strangers last year. "Why are you doing this?" "Because you were home." I know people who say they got chills down their spine when that exchange took place. Great. Didn't make the movie worth it, nor did their shining a light on the utter lack of character motivation improve my mood while watching it. I digress, though. As for Paranormal Activity, I can see why people like it. It's something different in a sea of copycat slasher movies, but I think that it'll be looked back upon a decade from now the same way most think of The Blair Witch Project. How was this ever such a big deal?

Nothing is the same

Got my teeth cleaned, got a new phone, got a new pair of glasses.

Big day.

Omega Man

Hiya. I had another of those days where I didn't see another human being that wasn't on a computer or television screen. I also teared up. I'm not sure if they're related.

VICTORY

Big ups to my mom for the fine birthday gifts of Glee: The Music Volume 2 and a replacement for my long ago stolen copy of Clint Eastwood's Unforgiven. YOU'RE THE BEST... AROUND!

WOOOOO!

Just wanted to say again that I'm super amped for tomorrow night's grappling action. I've not been so excited for a live event since UFC 100 back in July. Maybe Frank Mir will storm the ring on RAW or Impact and win a world title. Maybe he'll do it on both. How long would it take to get from Dayton to Orlando?

Speaking of which, I wish I had known tomorrow's show was in Dayton a few days earlier. Bret Hart's first live appearance on RAW in over twelve years would have been one to see in person.

Again, last call. Anyone who wants to join the fun with me, Andrew, Dave, and Keith can come to my place at 8:00 pm.

Also, Browns close the season by winning their last four. I called that, by the way. Four weeks ago. Ask Fern, he'll tell ya.