Angry Mom Flings Pizza At Chuck E. Cheese Character
MACON, Ga. -- A teenager dressed as Chuck E. Cheese was pelted with pizza and threatened with a beating Sunday by an angry parent who said the restaurant mascot wasn't paying enough attention to her child.
Macon police reported that a 17-year-old girl was in costume as the pizzeria chain character -- a gray cartoonlike rodent with large front teeth. That's when the 31-year-old Macon woman threw a piece of pizza at her, the report stated.
The woman then allegedly threatened to "whip" the girl when she changed out of the costume.
The incident allegedly happened at a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant in Macon over the weekend.
No charges were filed in the incident, and the mother was not identified by police."
Ty Cobb would be so proud. GEORGIA IS THE STRONGEST!
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
No one enrolled in my school of MCin'
Just to make things clear...
YES, that IS a picture of Rob Zombie, Diamond Dallas Page and Danny Trejo (AKA "That Huge Mexican Dude that must have compromising pictures of Robert Rodriguez) on the set of "House of 2,000 Corpses". Fuckin' groovy.
YES, that IS a picture of Rob Zombie, Diamond Dallas Page and Danny Trejo (AKA "That Huge Mexican Dude that must have compromising pictures of Robert Rodriguez) on the set of "House of 2,000 Corpses". Fuckin' groovy.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
I hate the Internet
evil_dead_fan had this to say on Countingdown.com, in regards to rumors about Bruce Campbell's involvement in "Freddy Versus Jason 2"
"Ofcourse everyone is untilted to there opinion but here is my two cents.Like some one said before Ash isn't afraid of S*** ash Would'nt get killed in the first 5 minutes ,he gets of by luck.Besides freddy and jason have been killed by teenagers same with micheal why cant ash throw his hat into the ring.that is my two cents
Your not leading but two things right know Jack and S*** and Jack just left town
(army of darkness)"
I can't believe he didn't spell "cents" with a leading 's'.
"Ofcourse everyone is untilted to there opinion but here is my two cents.Like some one said before Ash isn't afraid of S*** ash Would'nt get killed in the first 5 minutes ,he gets of by luck.Besides freddy and jason have been killed by teenagers same with micheal why cant ash throw his hat into the ring.that is my two cents
Your not leading but two things right know Jack and S*** and Jack just left town
(army of darkness)"
I can't believe he didn't spell "cents" with a leading 's'.
Monday Night RAW, bitch!
WHAT WORKED:
Damn Jericho is stoked to be working a tatted, roided guy who isn't Tomko. I haven't seen him look this good in ages. Batista continues to deliver big, and Orton just bumps like a freak. Edge works hot tag as opposed to face in peril, and it works well for him. I rarely say good things about Edge, but is he worlds better than Lance Storm as a partner for Jericho. The double drop kick spot was off but really everything else in this match worked like a mutha. Richmond crowd was also superhot for it and really cool as they started to chant "Y2J, Y2J" to the beat of the coliseum fire alarm. I'm not suggesting that Timbaland sample that beat or anything, but it was neat hearing them chant to that beat instead of the played out "clap clap clap" one. Shit, now I can just hear Missy Elliot fucking up a perfectly good fire alarm Timbaland beat. I can't stand Missy Elliot lately, she has to spend an entire song showing how exotic and interesting she is. Anyway, back to the match. They actually had Edge work face in peril after Jericho did, as they had plenty of time. That clothesline on Orton fucking ruled. The killer clothesline looks really great, but it's dumb to have Batista using the Smackdown! Champion's finsher. It was really dumb to have RVD do the frog splash while Eddy was champ, but at least Eddy has other moves. Bradshaw has nothing but a clothesline and a goosestep. I also really liked the section where Batista just ground his foot in Edge's gut, and Batista's rib sell of the spear/lionsault combo really made the finish work.
REGAL IS WRESTLING!!!!!!!! Yeah. So Regal gets to work a match against the least talented of the Blue Bloods. Regal just does everything so well. Helmsley tries to do his apeing Flair stuff, really nice Flair/Valentine flop, awful backdrop out of the corner... this wasn't as good as any of the Marquis of Queensbury Flair vs. Regal rounds... but just seeing Regal wrestle makes me happy. Tag him and Eugene up already. They're continuing with the Eugene is STRONG gimmick which is stu-PID and destroys his character, and the wrong guy with knucks finish really doesn't work. Eddy Guerrero is all about taking every false lucha finish and turning it into a meta-rassling thing. It just comes off cheap when the RAW crew tries to do it too. RAW apeing Smackdown finishes just makes RAW look like Riki Ratchet. The arm work at the beginning was really beautiful, as was the left/right forearm/uppercut combos. It really looked like Regal had all this nifty stuff he has been eager to bust out for a year.
Main event kind of felt too short, largely because we miss so much due to the commercial breaks. But damn, this was good. If it wasn't for commercial breaks this would have been better than the tag. The Richmond crowd essentially died after the tag match and were dead for most of this show but this match brought them back, who would've though that? Kane works his ass off here and after seeing endless Helmsley/Michaels/Benoit variations it's nice to see Benoit get to work someone who knows how to sell.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK:
That opening mic thing went 15 minutes and Eugene didn't get to talk. He and Regal actually have mic skills so give them the mic. I mean, Eugene is in the ring with him, Regal is in the ring with him, so why is this being scripted like a one man play; Hunter is Eleanor Roosevelt. This was written as Helmsley giving a monologue "and then you would say, and if he was given the mic Regal would have just admitted irrefutably, and then Dorothy Height said to me".
Two weeks ago they booked Jim Ross as Richard Holbrooke, this week they book him as Sally Jesse Raphael. "The question on all of our minds Kane, is why the anger?" Damn, that Jim Ross sure is multitalented. I hope they have the common decency to actually pay for Maury Povich to do the paternity testing instead of having Ross play that role too. Also, if they're trying to make Kane seem creepy, his "I'll never be able to have a normal life" lines just come off poor. Stop talking about being self aware about being abnormal. Its far creepier when a character isn't self aware. If Kane said "It was the best sex I ever had because she reminded me of my mother"., that would be poor writing but it WOULD be genuinely fucked up. This "I know I'm odd" stuff is just poor writing period.
Rhyno sure sucked tonight.
I think they should do a Smackdown trade and bring Spike Dudley over to RAW, his double stomp finish would make a really great way to perform the East Oakland Abortion on Lita. Then you could do a poor mans Mike Awesome v. Spike with Kane trying to get revenge for his smushed spawn. See, the problem with the Kane character is that it's really hard to sidetrack him. This pregnancy angle is really smart as it allows them to do that easily. Two month feud with Hardy. Two month feud with Danny Doring. Two month feud with Essa Rios. Then they either go with the stillborn birth where Kane wrestles for next year with a dead fetus in a sling around his back like a really creepy Lone Wolf and Cub, or they can have Lita give birth to a daughter leading to the paternity 4 way with Doring, Rios, Kane and Hardy. Have Kane feud for two months with Michaels and Sting over their insistence that Kane should baptize little Lyla. Then have R. Kelly film himself fucking Lyla in her soft spot. That's twelve months you can sidetrack him before his next title shot. It books itself.
THERE YOU HAVE IT!
Damn Jericho is stoked to be working a tatted, roided guy who isn't Tomko. I haven't seen him look this good in ages. Batista continues to deliver big, and Orton just bumps like a freak. Edge works hot tag as opposed to face in peril, and it works well for him. I rarely say good things about Edge, but is he worlds better than Lance Storm as a partner for Jericho. The double drop kick spot was off but really everything else in this match worked like a mutha. Richmond crowd was also superhot for it and really cool as they started to chant "Y2J, Y2J" to the beat of the coliseum fire alarm. I'm not suggesting that Timbaland sample that beat or anything, but it was neat hearing them chant to that beat instead of the played out "clap clap clap" one. Shit, now I can just hear Missy Elliot fucking up a perfectly good fire alarm Timbaland beat. I can't stand Missy Elliot lately, she has to spend an entire song showing how exotic and interesting she is. Anyway, back to the match. They actually had Edge work face in peril after Jericho did, as they had plenty of time. That clothesline on Orton fucking ruled. The killer clothesline looks really great, but it's dumb to have Batista using the Smackdown! Champion's finsher. It was really dumb to have RVD do the frog splash while Eddy was champ, but at least Eddy has other moves. Bradshaw has nothing but a clothesline and a goosestep. I also really liked the section where Batista just ground his foot in Edge's gut, and Batista's rib sell of the spear/lionsault combo really made the finish work.
REGAL IS WRESTLING!!!!!!!! Yeah. So Regal gets to work a match against the least talented of the Blue Bloods. Regal just does everything so well. Helmsley tries to do his apeing Flair stuff, really nice Flair/Valentine flop, awful backdrop out of the corner... this wasn't as good as any of the Marquis of Queensbury Flair vs. Regal rounds... but just seeing Regal wrestle makes me happy. Tag him and Eugene up already. They're continuing with the Eugene is STRONG gimmick which is stu-PID and destroys his character, and the wrong guy with knucks finish really doesn't work. Eddy Guerrero is all about taking every false lucha finish and turning it into a meta-rassling thing. It just comes off cheap when the RAW crew tries to do it too. RAW apeing Smackdown finishes just makes RAW look like Riki Ratchet. The arm work at the beginning was really beautiful, as was the left/right forearm/uppercut combos. It really looked like Regal had all this nifty stuff he has been eager to bust out for a year.
Main event kind of felt too short, largely because we miss so much due to the commercial breaks. But damn, this was good. If it wasn't for commercial breaks this would have been better than the tag. The Richmond crowd essentially died after the tag match and were dead for most of this show but this match brought them back, who would've though that? Kane works his ass off here and after seeing endless Helmsley/Michaels/Benoit variations it's nice to see Benoit get to work someone who knows how to sell.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK:
That opening mic thing went 15 minutes and Eugene didn't get to talk. He and Regal actually have mic skills so give them the mic. I mean, Eugene is in the ring with him, Regal is in the ring with him, so why is this being scripted like a one man play; Hunter is Eleanor Roosevelt. This was written as Helmsley giving a monologue "and then you would say, and if he was given the mic Regal would have just admitted irrefutably, and then Dorothy Height said to me".
Two weeks ago they booked Jim Ross as Richard Holbrooke, this week they book him as Sally Jesse Raphael. "The question on all of our minds Kane, is why the anger?" Damn, that Jim Ross sure is multitalented. I hope they have the common decency to actually pay for Maury Povich to do the paternity testing instead of having Ross play that role too. Also, if they're trying to make Kane seem creepy, his "I'll never be able to have a normal life" lines just come off poor. Stop talking about being self aware about being abnormal. Its far creepier when a character isn't self aware. If Kane said "It was the best sex I ever had because she reminded me of my mother"., that would be poor writing but it WOULD be genuinely fucked up. This "I know I'm odd" stuff is just poor writing period.
Rhyno sure sucked tonight.
I think they should do a Smackdown trade and bring Spike Dudley over to RAW, his double stomp finish would make a really great way to perform the East Oakland Abortion on Lita. Then you could do a poor mans Mike Awesome v. Spike with Kane trying to get revenge for his smushed spawn. See, the problem with the Kane character is that it's really hard to sidetrack him. This pregnancy angle is really smart as it allows them to do that easily. Two month feud with Hardy. Two month feud with Danny Doring. Two month feud with Essa Rios. Then they either go with the stillborn birth where Kane wrestles for next year with a dead fetus in a sling around his back like a really creepy Lone Wolf and Cub, or they can have Lita give birth to a daughter leading to the paternity 4 way with Doring, Rios, Kane and Hardy. Have Kane feud for two months with Michaels and Sting over their insistence that Kane should baptize little Lyla. Then have R. Kelly film himself fucking Lyla in her soft spot. That's twelve months you can sidetrack him before his next title shot. It books itself.
THERE YOU HAVE IT!
Monday, June 28, 2004
Your Trailer of the Day (There's really not much more to say)
Pauly Shore is Dead
Release Date: September, 2004
Studio: Regent Releasing
Director: Pauly Shore
Screenwriter: Kirk Fox, Pauly Shore
Starring: Pauly Shore, Jaime Bergman, Ben Stiller, Sean Penn, Fred Durst, Tom Sizemore, Chris Rock, Whoopi Goldberg, Heidi Fleiss, Ellen DeGeneres, Kurt Loder
Official Website: PaulyShoreIsDead.com
Hollywood comedian/actor Pauly Shore loses everything: his house, nobody in Hollywood wants to represent him, he moves back home with his mom and is now parking cars at the Comedy Store. Then one night when he's up in his mom's loft, a dead famous comedian appears who tells Pauly to kill himself cause he'll go down as a comedic genius who died before his time. Pauly then fakes his own death, and the media goes crazy. Celebrities are talking about him on MTV and girls are fighting over him on Jerry Springer. It's everything that he wanted...his plan worked. A week or so later the LAPD is tipped off about his whereabouts and they break down the door of the seedy motel room that he's hiding out in and throw him in LA County's celebrity wing.
"Pauly Shore is Dead" Quicktime Teaser
Okay... seriously, I don't know if I've ever been so morbidly curious about a movie. It's almost a true story for christ's sake.
Release Date: September, 2004
Studio: Regent Releasing
Director: Pauly Shore
Screenwriter: Kirk Fox, Pauly Shore
Starring: Pauly Shore, Jaime Bergman, Ben Stiller, Sean Penn, Fred Durst, Tom Sizemore, Chris Rock, Whoopi Goldberg, Heidi Fleiss, Ellen DeGeneres, Kurt Loder
Official Website: PaulyShoreIsDead.com
Hollywood comedian/actor Pauly Shore loses everything: his house, nobody in Hollywood wants to represent him, he moves back home with his mom and is now parking cars at the Comedy Store. Then one night when he's up in his mom's loft, a dead famous comedian appears who tells Pauly to kill himself cause he'll go down as a comedic genius who died before his time. Pauly then fakes his own death, and the media goes crazy. Celebrities are talking about him on MTV and girls are fighting over him on Jerry Springer. It's everything that he wanted...his plan worked. A week or so later the LAPD is tipped off about his whereabouts and they break down the door of the seedy motel room that he's hiding out in and throw him in LA County's celebrity wing.
"Pauly Shore is Dead" Quicktime Teaser
Okay... seriously, I don't know if I've ever been so morbidly curious about a movie. It's almost a true story for christ's sake.
Sunday, June 27, 2004
The Quiet Self Destruction Thing
So, it was a party! Didn't see the band, didn't really get to dance to more than one song, didn't eat any food, but it was a party! (Thanks to Lucas for that) Mostly, I slept. And when I wasn't sleeping, I was drinking. It was perfectly fine, though. Not something I'd want to do every night, but alcohol shepherded me through. The fact remains that I've been drinking way too much in the past few months, so today begins a month of sobriety. I figure it's a good time, what with the new job starting and all. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed yourselves last night.
Saturday, June 26, 2004
The One Hundredth (If I can be serious for a minute)
You know, I started this blog in January on a lark. I didn't think that anyone would really read it; I just wanted somewhere to put down my thoughts about wrestling, "Angel", musical trends, and of course, those anti-smoking commercials. Now, five months and one hundred posts later, I don't think I can stop.
Now, I know that I don't get serious very often on the blog, and that's mainly because I don't want to turn this into affordable group therapy, but now and again, something happens in my life that calls for a more reserved tone. Also, I know that Julia doesn't read this. :) <---- (See, I'm smiling)
Tonight was very strange. As detailed below, the "Fahrenheit 9/11" screening didn't go quite to plan, and I was about ready to call it an early night when I got a call from Julia. She was up in Worthington and wondering what I was doing. Of course, at that point, I was listening to Rachel Stevens (I didn't share that with her). Julia came over and we walked to Cafe Burboun Street (which was a ghost town, by the way. Three bands no showed on them. Got to hear the ladies next door kareoke their hearts out to Ethridge tunes through the wall, though) and had a couple of beers. Let me be completely honest about the whole Julia thing. Ever since she broke up with me, I've wanted to get back together with her. I like her too much not to and I don't think we really had a proper go of it. So, my mind is pretty frequently on how to suavely steer conversation in that direction whenever I'm around her. So far, I hadn't made a move. Tonight... I also didn't make a move. That becomes important in a minute.
Julia's a little drunk at this point, and hungry to boot, so we go back to the house and I make french fries (I sure do hate that freedom). We're eating the french fries on the living room couch and listening to the Von Bondies and then the Hip Hip Box, both of which she loved, and all of a sudden she drops in with, "I'm dating Lee Price".
For those who don't know, Lee Price is a guy that we (Julia and I, and Ashley, and Andrew to some extent) went to high school with. I would describe him as a casual friend, though we were fairly close for a while in high school. He's been best friends with Julia since we graduated. That she and he would be dating wasn't at all shocking. That she would come to me and ask me for advice on the subject was.
I'm just beyond awful at giving advice in situations where I have a vested interest, but she was sincerely looking for counsel so I tried to be as objective as possible, stifle my personal feelings, and help her out. It's an interesting sensation to feel any chance you had with a woman slip away by the second as she gushes over a new beau.
After we had talked about it a while, I finally asked her the question I had been avoiding asking directly for two months; why did she break up with me? You see, the night that it happened (after a Nap Daddy funded dinner and a trip to synagogue don't forget) she was having trouble getting the words out, and I let her off the hook; I said it for her, she agreed feebly, and she left. Tonight, I just had to know, finally.
She told me that it was because she couldn't see our relationship developing to a point where we would be married. I recalled in an instant the first conversation I had with her back in January when we were first talking about getting together; she made it clear that she doesn't date just to date. She dates to find a husband. I thought it was a very limiting, close minded policy, but I really wanted a date, so I kept my mouth shut. Things went well the three months we dated. I had thought they had, and of course spent a lot of time running events through my head to figure where I had gone wrong, so it was nice to have confirmation on that tonight. We were a good couple, we had fun together, we were great friends when we dated... but she couldn't see us getting married.
I don't know if I'm in love with Julia. Certainly the nucleus is there, but I'm not sure it's the full blown thing. I had held out hope that we would get another chance at some point, but tonight's happenings seem to cast a pall on that.
No peppy ending. Again, I'm sorry if you weren't anticipating something involved, but I just felt like putting myself out there a little bit.
Now, I know that I don't get serious very often on the blog, and that's mainly because I don't want to turn this into affordable group therapy, but now and again, something happens in my life that calls for a more reserved tone. Also, I know that Julia doesn't read this. :) <---- (See, I'm smiling)
Tonight was very strange. As detailed below, the "Fahrenheit 9/11" screening didn't go quite to plan, and I was about ready to call it an early night when I got a call from Julia. She was up in Worthington and wondering what I was doing. Of course, at that point, I was listening to Rachel Stevens (I didn't share that with her). Julia came over and we walked to Cafe Burboun Street (which was a ghost town, by the way. Three bands no showed on them. Got to hear the ladies next door kareoke their hearts out to Ethridge tunes through the wall, though) and had a couple of beers. Let me be completely honest about the whole Julia thing. Ever since she broke up with me, I've wanted to get back together with her. I like her too much not to and I don't think we really had a proper go of it. So, my mind is pretty frequently on how to suavely steer conversation in that direction whenever I'm around her. So far, I hadn't made a move. Tonight... I also didn't make a move. That becomes important in a minute.
Julia's a little drunk at this point, and hungry to boot, so we go back to the house and I make french fries (I sure do hate that freedom). We're eating the french fries on the living room couch and listening to the Von Bondies and then the Hip Hip Box, both of which she loved, and all of a sudden she drops in with, "I'm dating Lee Price".
For those who don't know, Lee Price is a guy that we (Julia and I, and Ashley, and Andrew to some extent) went to high school with. I would describe him as a casual friend, though we were fairly close for a while in high school. He's been best friends with Julia since we graduated. That she and he would be dating wasn't at all shocking. That she would come to me and ask me for advice on the subject was.
I'm just beyond awful at giving advice in situations where I have a vested interest, but she was sincerely looking for counsel so I tried to be as objective as possible, stifle my personal feelings, and help her out. It's an interesting sensation to feel any chance you had with a woman slip away by the second as she gushes over a new beau.
After we had talked about it a while, I finally asked her the question I had been avoiding asking directly for two months; why did she break up with me? You see, the night that it happened (after a Nap Daddy funded dinner and a trip to synagogue don't forget) she was having trouble getting the words out, and I let her off the hook; I said it for her, she agreed feebly, and she left. Tonight, I just had to know, finally.
She told me that it was because she couldn't see our relationship developing to a point where we would be married. I recalled in an instant the first conversation I had with her back in January when we were first talking about getting together; she made it clear that she doesn't date just to date. She dates to find a husband. I thought it was a very limiting, close minded policy, but I really wanted a date, so I kept my mouth shut. Things went well the three months we dated. I had thought they had, and of course spent a lot of time running events through my head to figure where I had gone wrong, so it was nice to have confirmation on that tonight. We were a good couple, we had fun together, we were great friends when we dated... but she couldn't see us getting married.
I don't know if I'm in love with Julia. Certainly the nucleus is there, but I'm not sure it's the full blown thing. I had held out hope that we would get another chance at some point, but tonight's happenings seem to cast a pall on that.
No peppy ending. Again, I'm sorry if you weren't anticipating something involved, but I just felt like putting myself out there a little bit.
Friday, June 25, 2004
Wiggedy Wack, not the regular kind
-So, Jesus Christ and the moviegoers of Columbus conspired against my efforts to see "Fahrenheit 9/11". I was all set to catch the 8:15 show at Lennox, even got there an hour early, and... SOLD OUT! So, as Andrew already had his ticket squared away, I shrugged and headed for home at 7:30. I eschewed the bus in favor of walking, and it almost made up for the disappointment as I got to see some guy doing tai chi on a baseball field on Olentangy, and then right by the 7/11 on Lane, a jogger wearing an Old Glory sweatband and a drenched "Real Stories of the Highway Patrol" shirt passed me by. And that was before I even got to High Street. Sadly, there was nothing else weird/funny beyond High and onward to 4th Street, so I guess the concentration of new-age dipshits and white trash cop lovers is West of High. Anyway, that was my crappy evening.
-I did get hired for the teller job at Huntington that I went in for. Soon I will buy a DJ In a Box Kit and acquire roommates with names like "Goatee" and "Pressed On", as well as begin loudly complaining about any video game that requires more than two buttons.
-I did get hired for the teller job at Huntington that I went in for. Soon I will buy a DJ In a Box Kit and acquire roommates with names like "Goatee" and "Pressed On", as well as begin loudly complaining about any video game that requires more than two buttons.
Rage
-The anti-smoking ads have gotten to the point where I want to rip open the chest of the guy who's shouting in the new commercial and spit a whole pouch of Red Man into his bronchial tubes.
-George Bush made the claim that Europe supports the war in Iraq. Right... because those massive protests and shifts of power never happened over the past sixteen months (Okay, granted, only Spain has changed, but it's increasingly looking like there will be huge Italian and British upheaval in the next general elections as well). Of course, Bush may have been talking about his good friend Felix Europe from Michigan who thinks the war is "fuckin' sweet".
-I can't stand people who use "sick" as an adjective.
-I also can't stand getting in long winded online debates with people over national healthcare plans if they're not willing to concede any points ever about anything. God help me, I'm starting to lean left of center talking to these pinheads. See, I need to see that left wing nut's movie tonight just to re-center me.
-George Bush made the claim that Europe supports the war in Iraq. Right... because those massive protests and shifts of power never happened over the past sixteen months (Okay, granted, only Spain has changed, but it's increasingly looking like there will be huge Italian and British upheaval in the next general elections as well). Of course, Bush may have been talking about his good friend Felix Europe from Michigan who thinks the war is "fuckin' sweet".
-I can't stand people who use "sick" as an adjective.
-I also can't stand getting in long winded online debates with people over national healthcare plans if they're not willing to concede any points ever about anything. God help me, I'm starting to lean left of center talking to these pinheads. See, I need to see that left wing nut's movie tonight just to re-center me.
Fahrenheit UP!
So, does anyone want to go see "Fahrenheit 9/11" this evening?
Also,
WHAT DO THESE THREE THINGS HAVE IN COMMON!?
Wrecked my car
Fucked my friend
Paralyzed me with unhealthy codependent love
Also,
WHAT DO THESE THREE THINGS HAVE IN COMMON!?
Wrecked my car
Fucked my friend
Paralyzed me with unhealthy codependent love
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Random Redux
I saw Jeff Hardy's first televised match in over a year today on the NWA TNA 2nd Anniversary show. He was actually going along just fine, but it's admittedly helpful when you have a guy like AJ Styles across the ring from you. Jeff looked a little rusty, and he had obviously never worked in that new-fangled hexagonal ring, but all in all, he looked a lot healthier than the last time I saw him, so good for him.
EDIT: Something just popped into my head, and I had to put it here, because I know Lee will remember this. Matt Hardy, on RAW, looking around the backstage area for Lita, and Jeff just chilling out, sitting on some sound equipment strumming a guitar tunelessly and giving one word answer to all of his brother's question. Classic Hanky Boy moment.
NO HOMO!
__________________________________________________________________
What Do These Three Things Have In Common?
Lassie
Mr. Rogers
Tom Servo
__________________________________________________________________
Jello Puddin' Pops are back, and they're in my house. Popsicle brand is producing them this time out, but they forgot to include the icy coating of goodness that the old ones had.
__________________________________________________________________
Ever since I downloaded Rachel Stevens' "Some Girls" on Friday, I can't stop playing it, either over my speakers or in my head. Embarassing teen girl pop is really going through an annus mirabilis this year since I thought "Toxic" was going to be the catchiest thing I'd hear all through '04 by a country mile, but then good God, Rachel Stevens was all, "IT'S ON".
__________________________________________________________________
So yeah, that's all I've got!
EDIT: Something just popped into my head, and I had to put it here, because I know Lee will remember this. Matt Hardy, on RAW, looking around the backstage area for Lita, and Jeff just chilling out, sitting on some sound equipment strumming a guitar tunelessly and giving one word answer to all of his brother's question. Classic Hanky Boy moment.
NO HOMO!
__________________________________________________________________
What Do These Three Things Have In Common?
Lassie
Mr. Rogers
Tom Servo
__________________________________________________________________
Jello Puddin' Pops are back, and they're in my house. Popsicle brand is producing them this time out, but they forgot to include the icy coating of goodness that the old ones had.
__________________________________________________________________
Ever since I downloaded Rachel Stevens' "Some Girls" on Friday, I can't stop playing it, either over my speakers or in my head. Embarassing teen girl pop is really going through an annus mirabilis this year since I thought "Toxic" was going to be the catchiest thing I'd hear all through '04 by a country mile, but then good God, Rachel Stevens was all, "IT'S ON".
__________________________________________________________________
So yeah, that's all I've got!
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Lollapalooza DOWN!
Mainly because I know Kehn was interested, I thought I'd post this article. Guess peeps weren't that hyped It'd be cool if all of these bands just did individual tours. I'd like to see the Pixies without bumping elbows with asshole neo-hippies.
The Joke on My Popsicle Stick
What animal should you never play cards with?
TELL ME, MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also, even though these are obviously never going to catch on... what do these three have in common?
aged
shot
lobotomized
TELL ME, MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also, even though these are obviously never going to catch on... what do these three have in common?
aged
shot
lobotomized
Monday, June 21, 2004
28 Days Later(er)
I think that my favorite thing about "28 Days Later" (and I like MANY things about it), is how well it wraps everything up. Without a food source, the Infected die. Easy as pie, right? HAHAHAHA! WRONG, STUPID MOVIE GOER, sayeth Fox Searchlight. Because after all, when you’re a movie studio and your low budget horror movie makes $70 million, there is one unanswered question that you must pursue – can you make that much money again? So get ready for 28 Weeks Later! I'm all for the recent glut (well, compared to the past ten years at least) of zombie horror, because it IS my most favorite genre, but this is not a movie that called for a franchise. It was a very simple, very low key story about a group of people basically waiting out Hell. However, with each passing green light for a new zombie movie, we get closer to real support for George Romero making the movie he WANTS to make, and that ain't bad.
Hell boy, don't you know me? I'm young black and famous
Okay, so I've been reading up on the imminent "Hellboy" two disc treatment (July 27th, teehee), and dig this; Mike Mignola put together eight, count 'em, EIGHT branching, choose your own adventure Hellboy comics as DVD features. OMG. OMG. I think I just peed my pants a little bit. Pardon my geek boy mark out syndrome, but that's pretty fuckin' hot. Also, Guillermo Del Toro and Mignola on one commentary, while Perlman, Blair, and Jeff Tambor rock the other one? I'm soooo there. Oh, and there are something like 27 documentary featurettes, too. Usually these things are just extended press kit material, but with a movie this pretty, I'm very interested to learn all I can about the costuming and digital effects within. The only real problem with this is that I'm probably going to have to double dip on it, because an extended director's cut has been announced as well, sometime in the months to follow. It's not going to stop me from enjoying this beautiful thing the day it hits the stores, though.
Oh you tease
Anyhow, that's what's on my mind at 4:08 this morning. Don't forget to chime in on Six Feet Under and drool over Laura Prepon below.
Oh you tease
Anyhow, that's what's on my mind at 4:08 this morning. Don't forget to chime in on Six Feet Under and drool over Laura Prepon below.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Six Feet Under DOWN!
Well, so much for getting out of the blocks without a hitch, as (in my own damn opinion, of course) "Six Feet" not only stumbled, but cracked its head open on the curb. First of all, last week's season premiere is even more dubious thanks to tonight's installment taking place nearly three months later. So WHY wasn't this the premiere? Maybe all of the episodes this season will follow the pattern though, and the twelve episodes will span three years.
So, Claire's bi-curious? Meh. Seen it with other characters in the show's run. David and Keith in an open relationship? Seen it. Nate being a whiny bitch? SEEN IT. At least Dick Jenkins was in the house. And the "Rapture" was pretty funny in the opening scene. Rico's involvement with Sophia is puzzling if it goes beyond her pining for him, because the reason he was with her in the first place was because of Vanessa's emotional unavailability. I sort of like him being pulled between the two of them though, as it stands. And the ending? A tupperware container with a turd in it? How can you end on that note? "Because he has an Emmy and you don't." Oh, right.
Anyway, big ol' thumbs down for "Six Feet Under" tonight. I'm not going to stop watching, because I never have before, but after a promising start, things ain't lookin' so hot.
So, Claire's bi-curious? Meh. Seen it with other characters in the show's run. David and Keith in an open relationship? Seen it. Nate being a whiny bitch? SEEN IT. At least Dick Jenkins was in the house. And the "Rapture" was pretty funny in the opening scene. Rico's involvement with Sophia is puzzling if it goes beyond her pining for him, because the reason he was with her in the first place was because of Vanessa's emotional unavailability. I sort of like him being pulled between the two of them though, as it stands. And the ending? A tupperware container with a turd in it? How can you end on that note? "Because he has an Emmy and you don't." Oh, right.
Anyway, big ol' thumbs down for "Six Feet Under" tonight. I'm not going to stop watching, because I never have before, but after a promising start, things ain't lookin' so hot.
I would snore AND sleep on this one.
Just because I can
Can you feel it? Ohio, baby. The greatest state in the union. ('Cept for Iowa) I am home at last.
So, California was a good time. I didn't get to do all (any) of the sight seeing I would have liked to do, but beggars can rarely be choosers, so I should first give a big thanks to KJ for the use of her couch and shower. Much appreciated.
Let's see... what's new in the world?
Well, last night on THE ACTION CHANNEL!!!!!!!! I watched "Master of the Flying Guillotine". I have to say, you know it's one Hell of a movie when the hero is only the THIRD most interesting one armed character in it. He's particularly smoked by the snake fist guy. The Master of the Guillotine himself is the coolest villain ever, though, based almost solely on his swastika bib. Million billion stars.
John Milius is dead. Now, I like me some Conan so in a way I'm sad, but this is the same guy who was high on casting Triple H as Conan's son in am upcoming sequel; so maybe it all worked out for the best.
UPDATE: I haven't seen it on any of the wires yet, so it may have been erroneous. If so, I hope I didn't kill him off the rest fo the way with my comments.
Andrew and I caught "Dodgeball" this afternoon, and I'll be damned if it didn't rock my world. I loved this movie in a Caddyshackian way - in that I laughed pretty much from start to finish. Ben Stiller was definitely the star of this. He plays a character who resembles a cross between "Point Break" era Patrick Swayze with a toned down, pre-Neo Conservative Ultimate Warrior except filled with self-loathing. If you've ever seen "Heavyweights", this is basically Tony Perkiss with the volume turned down just a little bit. The trailer for "Anchorman" is awesome too.
Anyway, I hope to see many of y'all some time this week, and big ups to Ashley and Andrew for picking me up (The A Team?) at the airport.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Smackin'... it... down
Chavo Classic was fired so this show sucks. I'm drinking myself thin this week with the Bud Light. I can't drink enough to bring myself to get excited about this show. maybe if i don't use upper case letters it will shake me into loving this smackdown again.
what worked
Eddy showing up on my screen deserves upper case. I can now dunk my Krispy Kremes into my Bud Light. I HAVE DEFILED THE PRISTINE VIRGINAL KRISPY KREME DOUGHNUTS BY COATING IT IN THE SPRAY OF THE SWILL REDNECK BOOZE BOUGHT AT ALBERTSON'S GROCERY. THIS IS A SACRIFICE I MAKE TO THE WRESTLING GODS TO MAKE ME NOT HATE WWE ANYMORE!!!! Meanwhile, Doug Basham wrestles Eddy and there is a lot of ref bumps and Eddy works a sleeper and it garners actual heat. Eddy does the beautiful double head scissors andf LOVE MACHINE SPALSH for the quick pin. Then Eddy whaps Danny in the nutsack! MARBLE HOLDER!
cena makes fun of the handicapped but gives angle a hat, so it's okay.
funaki is so the new humpty hump telling a lonely and sensitive josh that he got served. brock is gone and now josh must suffer this. i want to hold him in my arms and tell him that its going to be okay. angle dug "dowhutchalike" but the "humpty dance" and "nose job" made him make sure that there could never be a japanese shock gee. thus he unleashes... INSPECTOR IMPACT!
oh kenzo suzuki is so fucking bad. this works because it is so hilarious listening to tazz and cole try to fool the world into believing that they aren't actually watching animated feces try to do an armbar. the geisha is worthy of the loads all the 35 year old virgins toasted onto their evangelion figurines. poor spike dudley sells the shitty brutus beefcake-level kick to the back. suzuki is sooooo the imported kurrgan. he is soooo Giant Gonzales without the cool get up. he is sooooo not as shitty as kevin nash though.
chavo classic's last match in the wwe is a somber moment. chavo classic with the awesome takedown. chavo with the fuckin moonsault! then chavo classic rudos the offense and the era ends.
EMBARRASSING NOSEHAIR!??! GONE LIKE THAT! YESSSSSSSSSSSS the return of the sweet sweet Micro Touch. I will shave it all off and show the world my hard body. where have you been, sweet sweet Micro Touch Precision Grooming Commercial? i've missed you so....
what didn't work
the tag match was the most offhand title switch in the morbid shitty history of crapshitfuckshitastic shitty us tv wrestling. nice armdrags by haas. d-von needs to learn how to punch. haas and miss jackie both take fabulous bumps. the rest was the shittiest, most hackneyed finish and makes for a completely useless title switch. I shall get another beer and wait for more wrestling, with perhaps some semblance of worthwhile something will dilute the loss of chavo....
paul heyman is going to kill paul bearer and this is the stupidest batch of shit in the history of retarded embarrassing shit put on telelvision. itself. now if they were filling up the casket with big show's post raw carp fecal spray, that would be the business. that would be the money match.
so for the runaways who don't have the self-esteem to do triple anal on hardeesplumperupskirtnightshift.com, they can finally settle for the wwe diva pageant. winner gets to kiss mister mcmahon's ass!
Adam called while jbl spun his jew-hatred/msnbc firing into an angle so i missed most of it. i heard the "mother teresa is a prostitute" so it was almost worth it.
mordecai is still dressed in jeff jarrett hand-me-downs and has the dyed eyebrows that say "wonder twins villain." be a fucking true psycho religious freak and speak in tongues and handle snakes. fuck, 90 year old charismatic baptists handle snakes, you fucking pussy.
inspector impact wrestles funaki. he kicks well. funaki flounders to offense before returning to his squashinization. well that sucked. luther gets on the stick. and i did not forget the existence of the oratory skills of jimmy snuka. luther then hits an angels wings and cole is into the squash!
fuck! i get micro touch back but i also get the crazy world anti-smoking ads that make me want to mash a whole marlboro hardpack through my actual chest and apply the cigarrettes directly to my naked lungs.
torie wilson stretches Old Glory with her leathery stripper skin and makes the continginous 48 pretty gamey.
poor josh sleepwalks through his interview with booker t. there is renee talking about the recieving end of his french tickler. booker t reels his line off like that time jeff gordon was on saturday night live. comedy timing is not booker's strong suit.
jesus, this show doesn't end. END! ENNNNND!
the fatal fourway is perfectly fine. rvd is on a hot streak. it's official. he hasn't made me truly wince in four weeks. renee and cena are good in the ring together. rvd with the baseball slide and FINALLY... we get to think about lucas's pretty hair... mmmmmmm prell with henna conditioner? i envision an arty boheniam apartment for him... a cast iron sink with seperate hot and cold water taps... his wet hair flies up over his head and moistens his wiry shoulders... strands of hair go across his eyes but his piercing gaze shine through, cruel and manly... this is a very long commercial break. ah! here we go. rvd becomes a recipient of a beating and tazz becomes sprung as renee dances. it falls apart after that point and then the undertaker shows up and well, welcome to suck. god, does this wrestling company deliver some shitty television. peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyu.
there you have it.
Show's over, and I get my capitalization back. THANK GOD. I have noticed a direct correlation between the weeks that I hate Smackdown and the amount of comments I get, so maybe it's good for readership to stay negative and talk about Lucas's hair during breaks. Whatevs!
what worked
Eddy showing up on my screen deserves upper case. I can now dunk my Krispy Kremes into my Bud Light. I HAVE DEFILED THE PRISTINE VIRGINAL KRISPY KREME DOUGHNUTS BY COATING IT IN THE SPRAY OF THE SWILL REDNECK BOOZE BOUGHT AT ALBERTSON'S GROCERY. THIS IS A SACRIFICE I MAKE TO THE WRESTLING GODS TO MAKE ME NOT HATE WWE ANYMORE!!!! Meanwhile, Doug Basham wrestles Eddy and there is a lot of ref bumps and Eddy works a sleeper and it garners actual heat. Eddy does the beautiful double head scissors andf LOVE MACHINE SPALSH for the quick pin. Then Eddy whaps Danny in the nutsack! MARBLE HOLDER!
cena makes fun of the handicapped but gives angle a hat, so it's okay.
funaki is so the new humpty hump telling a lonely and sensitive josh that he got served. brock is gone and now josh must suffer this. i want to hold him in my arms and tell him that its going to be okay. angle dug "dowhutchalike" but the "humpty dance" and "nose job" made him make sure that there could never be a japanese shock gee. thus he unleashes... INSPECTOR IMPACT!
oh kenzo suzuki is so fucking bad. this works because it is so hilarious listening to tazz and cole try to fool the world into believing that they aren't actually watching animated feces try to do an armbar. the geisha is worthy of the loads all the 35 year old virgins toasted onto their evangelion figurines. poor spike dudley sells the shitty brutus beefcake-level kick to the back. suzuki is sooooo the imported kurrgan. he is soooo Giant Gonzales without the cool get up. he is sooooo not as shitty as kevin nash though.
chavo classic's last match in the wwe is a somber moment. chavo classic with the awesome takedown. chavo with the fuckin moonsault! then chavo classic rudos the offense and the era ends.
EMBARRASSING NOSEHAIR!??! GONE LIKE THAT! YESSSSSSSSSSSS the return of the sweet sweet Micro Touch. I will shave it all off and show the world my hard body. where have you been, sweet sweet Micro Touch Precision Grooming Commercial? i've missed you so....
what didn't work
the tag match was the most offhand title switch in the morbid shitty history of crapshitfuckshitastic shitty us tv wrestling. nice armdrags by haas. d-von needs to learn how to punch. haas and miss jackie both take fabulous bumps. the rest was the shittiest, most hackneyed finish and makes for a completely useless title switch. I shall get another beer and wait for more wrestling, with perhaps some semblance of worthwhile something will dilute the loss of chavo....
paul heyman is going to kill paul bearer and this is the stupidest batch of shit in the history of retarded embarrassing shit put on telelvision. itself. now if they were filling up the casket with big show's post raw carp fecal spray, that would be the business. that would be the money match.
so for the runaways who don't have the self-esteem to do triple anal on hardeesplumperupskirtnightshift.com, they can finally settle for the wwe diva pageant. winner gets to kiss mister mcmahon's ass!
Adam called while jbl spun his jew-hatred/msnbc firing into an angle so i missed most of it. i heard the "mother teresa is a prostitute" so it was almost worth it.
mordecai is still dressed in jeff jarrett hand-me-downs and has the dyed eyebrows that say "wonder twins villain." be a fucking true psycho religious freak and speak in tongues and handle snakes. fuck, 90 year old charismatic baptists handle snakes, you fucking pussy.
inspector impact wrestles funaki. he kicks well. funaki flounders to offense before returning to his squashinization. well that sucked. luther gets on the stick. and i did not forget the existence of the oratory skills of jimmy snuka. luther then hits an angels wings and cole is into the squash!
fuck! i get micro touch back but i also get the crazy world anti-smoking ads that make me want to mash a whole marlboro hardpack through my actual chest and apply the cigarrettes directly to my naked lungs.
torie wilson stretches Old Glory with her leathery stripper skin and makes the continginous 48 pretty gamey.
poor josh sleepwalks through his interview with booker t. there is renee talking about the recieving end of his french tickler. booker t reels his line off like that time jeff gordon was on saturday night live. comedy timing is not booker's strong suit.
jesus, this show doesn't end. END! ENNNNND!
the fatal fourway is perfectly fine. rvd is on a hot streak. it's official. he hasn't made me truly wince in four weeks. renee and cena are good in the ring together. rvd with the baseball slide and FINALLY... we get to think about lucas's pretty hair... mmmmmmm prell with henna conditioner? i envision an arty boheniam apartment for him... a cast iron sink with seperate hot and cold water taps... his wet hair flies up over his head and moistens his wiry shoulders... strands of hair go across his eyes but his piercing gaze shine through, cruel and manly... this is a very long commercial break. ah! here we go. rvd becomes a recipient of a beating and tazz becomes sprung as renee dances. it falls apart after that point and then the undertaker shows up and well, welcome to suck. god, does this wrestling company deliver some shitty television. peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyu.
there you have it.
Show's over, and I get my capitalization back. THANK GOD. I have noticed a direct correlation between the weeks that I hate Smackdown and the amount of comments I get, so maybe it's good for readership to stay negative and talk about Lucas's hair during breaks. Whatevs!
Whole lot of nothin'
I just read about Robert Quine's death. As Ray Charles may have said (before he too passed to the great beyond): "Robert Quine? Man played guitar like a motherfucker." RIP, big guy. Both of yas. Now we've just gotta kill Matthew Sweet so they can reunite in Heaven, where Biggie and Tupac are apparently hugging.
Okay, I watched Sports Center this morning, and this is some fucked up shit; at a Texas Rangers game, there was a foul ball, and this ASSHOLE dove for it and knocked this four year old boy against his seat, pinning him there just so he could get a FOUL BALL. Not a home run ball. A FOUL BALL. So everyone in the stadium is throwing shit at the guy and chanting for him to give it up to the kid, but the bastard won't do it. So the two teams involved, the Rangers and the Cardinals gave the little boy a ton of souveniers; two bats, team jackets, jerseys, and a ball signed by Nolan Ryan. They should have Nolan pelt the divin' guy with fastballs to the kids satisfaction.
Anyway, this isn't much of an update, but I read about Quine and was outraged by Sports Center, so I felt like chiming in.
Okay, I watched Sports Center this morning, and this is some fucked up shit; at a Texas Rangers game, there was a foul ball, and this ASSHOLE dove for it and knocked this four year old boy against his seat, pinning him there just so he could get a FOUL BALL. Not a home run ball. A FOUL BALL. So everyone in the stadium is throwing shit at the guy and chanting for him to give it up to the kid, but the bastard won't do it. So the two teams involved, the Rangers and the Cardinals gave the little boy a ton of souveniers; two bats, team jackets, jerseys, and a ball signed by Nolan Ryan. They should have Nolan pelt the divin' guy with fastballs to the kids satisfaction.
Anyway, this isn't much of an update, but I read about Quine and was outraged by Sports Center, so I felt like chiming in.
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Resolution's Not a Mystery
In fact, it's pretty cut and dried. Known as the nefarious Kraft Man to the readers of this blog (or Uncle Eddie), my dad suggested that he buy me a ticket home using Frequent Flyer miles for a low, low price of one hundred dollars. So, look for me to be back in the 614 fuckin' shit up between Saturday and Monday. I'm not exactly certain just yet. Also, fuck blogspot. I HATE that "No, nobody can comment on this post! Why? Because we said so!" Because I KNOW people wanted to talk about SFU. So hey, if you have any Six Feet thoughts, post them here, because I'm curious.
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
New Six Feet, RAW, plus, "I'M AN OHIOAN! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
Greetings from Sacto, as I finish up my first full week in town, and hopefully my last. Don't get me wrong, I'm enoying my visit, but it's about time to get to steppin' and come back to the land of Johnny Marzetti and Les Wexner again.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Aside from not being too sure why Sunday's "Six Feet Under" premiere wasn't last season's finale, it was a pretty great episode. I loved the straight up horror lighting for the scene where Nate was burying Lisa's body. That whole sequence was some of the heaviest material I've ever seen presented on TV. They've got me back on board one hundred percent after a shaky go of it for much of third season.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Benedict Arnold, Ray Davies, Wesley Clark: What do these three men have in common? Answer correctly and win a prize!
___________________________________________________________________________________________
I Smack it Till It's RAW: Cali Edition
WHAT WORKED
Watching JR trying to broker peace between Hunter and Shawn struck me as funny. Can we send Jim Ross to Israel? Yasser, A.S. we need to bring this to closure.
I can't really complain about 35 minute Benoit matches, but this was kind of formless. Way too much Flair, who doesn't have enough stuff to fill 25 minutes of a 35 minute match. Batista is the best worker on the heel team and didn't work the night before so shouldn't have gone out so early. I always enjoy Flair and Benoit smacking the shit out of each other.
Regal's facial expressions fucking ruled. In other news, the sun rises.
You know, the clique gets written up alot as being a genius at backstage maneuvering, but honestly, there are more idiot marks in the business than in the stands. Nothing genius about it. You get the impression Helmsley's speech to Eugene was transcribed directly from backstage meetings. "Vince, I am a big fan of yours, can I get an autographed picture with you for my family... that Vader guy, he hurt my face... why isn't Yoko going over him at house shows?" "Ooh Bruce Pritchard you're my friend, you know my boy Da Bad Guy, he shouldn't have to job to Dean Douglas. Oh, and Bruce can you autograph my T-Shirt from BROTHER LOVE?" Bunch of mark suckers.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK
One hour and forty five minutes of the show without fucking matches, a pregnancy angle, long meaningless promos, damn it is Russo in Michaels' prayer group? At least we might get to see some Palumbo matches.
God damn, there are 400 guys with tribal tattoos in OVW, they bring in and push the one guy who can't even execute a bodyslam. At least they didn't have Jonny Nitro work matches, just stand next to Bischoff and look tall. Where is Nathan Jones, or Matt Morgan or Test, or Heidenrich? Shit, just bring in Chuck Zito, "OZ" is over and I'm sure he could use the dough.
Fuckin' RAW.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
So, I think I'm going to hop a Greyhound tomorry night, get back sometime next year. Or, you know... Friday. God, I'm going to be cranky. See y'alls on the flip. Peace.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Aside from not being too sure why Sunday's "Six Feet Under" premiere wasn't last season's finale, it was a pretty great episode. I loved the straight up horror lighting for the scene where Nate was burying Lisa's body. That whole sequence was some of the heaviest material I've ever seen presented on TV. They've got me back on board one hundred percent after a shaky go of it for much of third season.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Benedict Arnold, Ray Davies, Wesley Clark: What do these three men have in common? Answer correctly and win a prize!
___________________________________________________________________________________________
I Smack it Till It's RAW: Cali Edition
WHAT WORKED
Watching JR trying to broker peace between Hunter and Shawn struck me as funny. Can we send Jim Ross to Israel? Yasser, A.S. we need to bring this to closure.
I can't really complain about 35 minute Benoit matches, but this was kind of formless. Way too much Flair, who doesn't have enough stuff to fill 25 minutes of a 35 minute match. Batista is the best worker on the heel team and didn't work the night before so shouldn't have gone out so early. I always enjoy Flair and Benoit smacking the shit out of each other.
Regal's facial expressions fucking ruled. In other news, the sun rises.
You know, the clique gets written up alot as being a genius at backstage maneuvering, but honestly, there are more idiot marks in the business than in the stands. Nothing genius about it. You get the impression Helmsley's speech to Eugene was transcribed directly from backstage meetings. "Vince, I am a big fan of yours, can I get an autographed picture with you for my family... that Vader guy, he hurt my face... why isn't Yoko going over him at house shows?" "Ooh Bruce Pritchard you're my friend, you know my boy Da Bad Guy, he shouldn't have to job to Dean Douglas. Oh, and Bruce can you autograph my T-Shirt from BROTHER LOVE?" Bunch of mark suckers.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK
One hour and forty five minutes of the show without fucking matches, a pregnancy angle, long meaningless promos, damn it is Russo in Michaels' prayer group? At least we might get to see some Palumbo matches.
God damn, there are 400 guys with tribal tattoos in OVW, they bring in and push the one guy who can't even execute a bodyslam. At least they didn't have Jonny Nitro work matches, just stand next to Bischoff and look tall. Where is Nathan Jones, or Matt Morgan or Test, or Heidenrich? Shit, just bring in Chuck Zito, "OZ" is over and I'm sure he could use the dough.
Fuckin' RAW.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
So, I think I'm going to hop a Greyhound tomorry night, get back sometime next year. Or, you know... Friday. God, I'm going to be cranky. See y'alls on the flip. Peace.
Friday, June 11, 2004
California Dreamin'
Dear Suckers,
This is Andy dictating from the luxury of a queen sized bed in residential Sacramento. I've just eaten a bunch of pistachios and fear that I might swell up and die. While I'm still among the living I thought I would share with you, my faithful readers, the events of the last three days. Upon my arrival on Tuesday night my faithful sherpa and I drove to Del Taco where I acquired SIX (6) tacos for no more than $2.13. I had stumbled upon the magic of Taco Tuesday. Afterwards it was on to Adam and Danielle's pad where I met Danielle's mother, quite the reefer cat. With Adam in route from San Francisco with his drummer Mike Rofe, Katie, Danielle, Lucy and myself ventured to True Love, the trendy coffee shop where the holy matrimony will take place. Adam & Mike met us at True Love and a tearful reunion it was for Adam and I. Danielle said, "Oh yeah, you can't ever speak without making a reference to something else," hurting my feelings greatly. I wonder, is this true?
In California, movie ticket prices are hella gay. There's no respect for the young scholar in need of a distraction as student tickets are non-existent. So Katie and I punted the idea of going to a movie in favor of playing softball with some delightful chaps from the area. I befriended them and hope to become their inspirational leader, when I rally them on to victory against whomever else shows up to play.
More catch was played on Thursday as KJ and I gear up to thrash our compatriots in the big softball bash. We met much of Danielle's insane wop dago family at Tres Hermanas, a Mexican restaurant where the difference between Coca-Cola and Corona is negligible, according to the charming wait staff. Adam and I split off afterwards to play some poker. Adam's friend Dan hosted the evening and he and Adam were quite encouraging as I downed a 24 of Olde English. I learned two things at Dan's house: (1.) I like poker, even if I'm not very good at it. And (2.) Red Dead Revolver sucks. After returning to Adam's pad, we tried to watch Smackdown before we sobered up enough to realize what we were doing, but didn't get very far as Danielle's WILD & CRAZY bachelorette party ended up in the same locale. The monstrous Varona and I retired to the garage where we smoked cigarettes, hid from girls and waxed philosophic about wrestling.
Thanks to the death of that nuclear arms escalating bastard, Ronald Reagan, KJ and I were both able to sleep-in until about 1:30 on today. Well-rested and hungry, we soldiered onward to P.F. Chang's where Adam's family was well-represented as we feasted on Dim Sum and eggrolls. After a brief rehearsal at the aforementioned True Love, here we sit kicking it out for you, gentle readers.
Of note:
As a groomsman, I was apparently entitled to a gift (which I didn't know about), which turned out to be the "Hip Hop Box", a chronological 4-cd set that is very representational of the history of rap music. From Tupac to Kurtis Blow, from Run DMC to Snoop, they're all here, all live, all... rappin'. Yeah. Andrew, you'll freak at the quality. I managed to skate by without spending much money so far, as Adam bought me lunch on Wednesday, Danielle's mother paid for dinner on Thursday, and Adam's father, in kind, bought dinner on Friday. Sadly, I'm not quite sure when or how I'll be returning to fair Columbus, as the cost of flights have proven to be prohibitive. I'm going to contact Delta and ask them what there policy on standbys is, and try to get home that way. For now, however, just trust that I'll be home soon and I love you all very, VERY much.
Except for you Cody.
Adios, until next time, you've been blogged.
This is Andy dictating from the luxury of a queen sized bed in residential Sacramento. I've just eaten a bunch of pistachios and fear that I might swell up and die. While I'm still among the living I thought I would share with you, my faithful readers, the events of the last three days. Upon my arrival on Tuesday night my faithful sherpa and I drove to Del Taco where I acquired SIX (6) tacos for no more than $2.13. I had stumbled upon the magic of Taco Tuesday. Afterwards it was on to Adam and Danielle's pad where I met Danielle's mother, quite the reefer cat. With Adam in route from San Francisco with his drummer Mike Rofe, Katie, Danielle, Lucy and myself ventured to True Love, the trendy coffee shop where the holy matrimony will take place. Adam & Mike met us at True Love and a tearful reunion it was for Adam and I. Danielle said, "Oh yeah, you can't ever speak without making a reference to something else," hurting my feelings greatly. I wonder, is this true?
In California, movie ticket prices are hella gay. There's no respect for the young scholar in need of a distraction as student tickets are non-existent. So Katie and I punted the idea of going to a movie in favor of playing softball with some delightful chaps from the area. I befriended them and hope to become their inspirational leader, when I rally them on to victory against whomever else shows up to play.
More catch was played on Thursday as KJ and I gear up to thrash our compatriots in the big softball bash. We met much of Danielle's insane wop dago family at Tres Hermanas, a Mexican restaurant where the difference between Coca-Cola and Corona is negligible, according to the charming wait staff. Adam and I split off afterwards to play some poker. Adam's friend Dan hosted the evening and he and Adam were quite encouraging as I downed a 24 of Olde English. I learned two things at Dan's house: (1.) I like poker, even if I'm not very good at it. And (2.) Red Dead Revolver sucks. After returning to Adam's pad, we tried to watch Smackdown before we sobered up enough to realize what we were doing, but didn't get very far as Danielle's WILD & CRAZY bachelorette party ended up in the same locale. The monstrous Varona and I retired to the garage where we smoked cigarettes, hid from girls and waxed philosophic about wrestling.
Thanks to the death of that nuclear arms escalating bastard, Ronald Reagan, KJ and I were both able to sleep-in until about 1:30 on today. Well-rested and hungry, we soldiered onward to P.F. Chang's where Adam's family was well-represented as we feasted on Dim Sum and eggrolls. After a brief rehearsal at the aforementioned True Love, here we sit kicking it out for you, gentle readers.
Of note:
As a groomsman, I was apparently entitled to a gift (which I didn't know about), which turned out to be the "Hip Hop Box", a chronological 4-cd set that is very representational of the history of rap music. From Tupac to Kurtis Blow, from Run DMC to Snoop, they're all here, all live, all... rappin'. Yeah. Andrew, you'll freak at the quality. I managed to skate by without spending much money so far, as Adam bought me lunch on Wednesday, Danielle's mother paid for dinner on Thursday, and Adam's father, in kind, bought dinner on Friday. Sadly, I'm not quite sure when or how I'll be returning to fair Columbus, as the cost of flights have proven to be prohibitive. I'm going to contact Delta and ask them what there policy on standbys is, and try to get home that way. For now, however, just trust that I'll be home soon and I love you all very, VERY much.
Except for you Cody.
Adios, until next time, you've been blogged.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Go West, Young Man (Cups Hands) REMIX!!!!!
It was nice to watch RAW with a crowd last night. I think it was the first time I didn't watch it solo in about six weeks. I don't remember a lot about it, but Gail Kim is getting better, Shawn Michaels had a really masturbatory match, and Eugene is really fun to watch.
This will probably be my last blog entry for a couple of days, as (if anyone is unaware) I'm flying out to Sacramento for the big wedding today. Unlike last September when I was planning on staying out there 4-EVA, and thus didn't get to see too many sights or outlying cities, this time I'll be a rockin' Heartland tourist with the lovely and talented KJ playing sherpa.
Anyway, I'm about to take off to see ol Papa Napier at Riverside (operation was a success, he should be perfectly fine), so I'll have to cut this short. I love you all and have a nice June.
This will probably be my last blog entry for a couple of days, as (if anyone is unaware) I'm flying out to Sacramento for the big wedding today. Unlike last September when I was planning on staying out there 4-EVA, and thus didn't get to see too many sights or outlying cities, this time I'll be a rockin' Heartland tourist with the lovely and talented KJ playing sherpa.
Anyway, I'm about to take off to see ol Papa Napier at Riverside (operation was a success, he should be perfectly fine), so I'll have to cut this short. I love you all and have a nice June.
A DUI Ain't Gangsta!
POPO Just Say NO to Hassel the Hoff
I wonder if he was ridin' spinners? For non clickers, the gist of this is that the Hoff was picked up on a DUI. He's becoming quickly accustomed to the lifestyle of a rap superstar.
On the bright side, going to pen usually inspires rappers.
You'd buy his album... right? That dog lying on his stomach seems to have quite a bit of support. I'm just sayin' is all.
I wonder if he was ridin' spinners? For non clickers, the gist of this is that the Hoff was picked up on a DUI. He's becoming quickly accustomed to the lifestyle of a rap superstar.
On the bright side, going to pen usually inspires rappers.
You'd buy his album... right? That dog lying on his stomach seems to have quite a bit of support. I'm just sayin' is all.
Sunday, June 06, 2004
New weekly wrestling show that DOESN'T suck, and more
I took some notes on NWA TNA's new Impact show on Fox Sports Friday afternoon, but didn't get around to posting it. So here's the ol' Workrate Report. This might permanently replace the Smackdown reports as it seems like it'll be a lot less painful to watch and I may give up on that show entirely very soon.
WHAT WORKED
I dug the presentation of Impact today - using the Fox Sports Net banner at the top for information on the current match and a displayed time limit, and a ticker at the bottom talking about the next PPV. Hammering home the upcoming PPV is exactly what to do here.
The X-Division six-man ended up as a clusterfuck but in a good way, with spot spot spot actually hit hit hitting. The Canadian Destroyer/sunset flip piledriver was totally fucking insane, as was the damn snappy Code Red by Red. Garza almost fucks up the inring corkscrew plancha but lands it well enough to get this at the top here.
MOTHERFUCKING POPEYE gives the rub to Shark Boy after he gets splattered into ittybits by THE SIX FOOT EIGHT Abyss. That's MORE than enough to get up here. POPEYE!
What Kinda Sorta Worked
The tag title match was pedestrian enough that somebody should've been holding a Stop/Slow match at ringside, but it seemed to gel well enough. Dallas worked as the world's most "eh" Test, and stood still well enough for AMW to pinball off him and for Kash to springboard off him. At least Test didn't get pinned after crotching himself on the top after missin' the Wotsitolla Boot. Not usually, anyway.
WAY too many shiny outfits in the four-way at the end. AJ Styles is A SHOCKING SURPRISE! by VINZ RUSSO. The more shocking surprise is Styles going splat against the ceiling. "Back down to the X Division, you!" Simpler spots than the X-Division six-man, simpler execution, but somehow, it looks more like an exhibition than the main match did. Hit big move to win, have it broken up, have guy that broke it up do move to guy he broke up, have another breakup, lather, rinse, repeat. Sabin's hair poofing out makes him look really odd, as does Styles being the first guy to kick out of a move by himself five minutes in. Shane insists on aping HBK more by getting crotched up top. Styles finally becomes the first guy in the match to bounce off the ropes. I shouldn't slag this this bad, but if they're going to up the tempo with the first match, they can't slow it down a ton in the last one. It's about expectations. Styles Clash cements Styles v. Kazarian, which probably won't end with Kazarian's vertebrae going into his skull like it did when they matched up last year.
What Didn't Work
Dusty pontificates on Shakespeare before Jarrett comes out looking like a roided up Jonny Fairplay - then again, Fairplay would bump his ass off for Dusty. Like NWA World champion Jonny Fairplay would be more embarassing than Arquette. Triple J gets his usual TV time, basically dressing down Dusty and withstanding THE SPLOTCH ATTACK before Ron Killings runs in to take the powder-filled bullet for Dusty. It takes three men to run off the NWA World champion. Whee.
Shane Douglas yaks with Vince Russo. Or he will yak with him, AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL BREAK! Thank god there's only 13 minutes left in the show cuz between Douglas' six-hour rants and Russo never shutting up, this could've eaten up the rest of the show. I can't decide which of in-ring Douglas, managing Douglas or interviewing Douglas is more worthless.
THERE YOU HAVE IT!
So yeah, TNA Impact is a pretty good, spot fest filled, harmless one hour show. I'll watch it until it bores me, as always. Also, the six-sided ring is fucking bad ass.
UHHHHH! LUCHA AS FUCK!
_____________________________________________________________________
Cody just informed me that J-Lo married Marc Anthony today. Hooray for getting Puffy and Daredevil's sloppy 3rds. All hail the new Liz Taylor. But without the class.
_____________________________________________________________________
I ate at Hooter's for the first time ever today. And Lucas will be proud to know that it was a KENTUCKY Hooters. Hell yes. It's weird eating there. The food was good and all, and the girls were really hot, but I can't help feel like a complete scum bag just by crossing over the threshold. I make mention of it mainly because it came to my attention that Tony Little is a pitch man for them... TONY LITTLE. That is all.
_____________________________________________________________________
Speaking of Kentucky and all that, Andrew and I DID go to the 'Nati and it WAS a rockin' good time. Aside from Andrew's attempt to set Dave on fire. And Jason giving Andrew multiple noogies on the walk back to Dave's apartment. And the trailer for "Two Brothers". Yeah, otherwise, it was a great visit. Dave has some cool friends, despite their inclination for playing cornhole.
_____________________________________________________________________
With that, YOU'VE BEEN BLOGGED!
_____________________________________________________________________
Oh, on a more serious note, my dad is having surgery for prostate cancer tomorrow at 1:30. So, if you're religious if you said a quick prayer or if you're not if you just put your thoughts towards him briefly at some point tomorrow it would really mean a lot to me, and more importantly, him.
WHAT WORKED
I dug the presentation of Impact today - using the Fox Sports Net banner at the top for information on the current match and a displayed time limit, and a ticker at the bottom talking about the next PPV. Hammering home the upcoming PPV is exactly what to do here.
The X-Division six-man ended up as a clusterfuck but in a good way, with spot spot spot actually hit hit hitting. The Canadian Destroyer/sunset flip piledriver was totally fucking insane, as was the damn snappy Code Red by Red. Garza almost fucks up the inring corkscrew plancha but lands it well enough to get this at the top here.
MOTHERFUCKING POPEYE gives the rub to Shark Boy after he gets splattered into ittybits by THE SIX FOOT EIGHT Abyss. That's MORE than enough to get up here. POPEYE!
What Kinda Sorta Worked
The tag title match was pedestrian enough that somebody should've been holding a Stop/Slow match at ringside, but it seemed to gel well enough. Dallas worked as the world's most "eh" Test, and stood still well enough for AMW to pinball off him and for Kash to springboard off him. At least Test didn't get pinned after crotching himself on the top after missin' the Wotsitolla Boot. Not usually, anyway.
WAY too many shiny outfits in the four-way at the end. AJ Styles is A SHOCKING SURPRISE! by VINZ RUSSO. The more shocking surprise is Styles going splat against the ceiling. "Back down to the X Division, you!" Simpler spots than the X-Division six-man, simpler execution, but somehow, it looks more like an exhibition than the main match did. Hit big move to win, have it broken up, have guy that broke it up do move to guy he broke up, have another breakup, lather, rinse, repeat. Sabin's hair poofing out makes him look really odd, as does Styles being the first guy to kick out of a move by himself five minutes in. Shane insists on aping HBK more by getting crotched up top. Styles finally becomes the first guy in the match to bounce off the ropes. I shouldn't slag this this bad, but if they're going to up the tempo with the first match, they can't slow it down a ton in the last one. It's about expectations. Styles Clash cements Styles v. Kazarian, which probably won't end with Kazarian's vertebrae going into his skull like it did when they matched up last year.
What Didn't Work
Dusty pontificates on Shakespeare before Jarrett comes out looking like a roided up Jonny Fairplay - then again, Fairplay would bump his ass off for Dusty. Like NWA World champion Jonny Fairplay would be more embarassing than Arquette. Triple J gets his usual TV time, basically dressing down Dusty and withstanding THE SPLOTCH ATTACK before Ron Killings runs in to take the powder-filled bullet for Dusty. It takes three men to run off the NWA World champion. Whee.
Shane Douglas yaks with Vince Russo. Or he will yak with him, AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL BREAK! Thank god there's only 13 minutes left in the show cuz between Douglas' six-hour rants and Russo never shutting up, this could've eaten up the rest of the show. I can't decide which of in-ring Douglas, managing Douglas or interviewing Douglas is more worthless.
THERE YOU HAVE IT!
So yeah, TNA Impact is a pretty good, spot fest filled, harmless one hour show. I'll watch it until it bores me, as always. Also, the six-sided ring is fucking bad ass.
UHHHHH! LUCHA AS FUCK!
_____________________________________________________________________
Cody just informed me that J-Lo married Marc Anthony today. Hooray for getting Puffy and Daredevil's sloppy 3rds. All hail the new Liz Taylor. But without the class.
_____________________________________________________________________
I ate at Hooter's for the first time ever today. And Lucas will be proud to know that it was a KENTUCKY Hooters. Hell yes. It's weird eating there. The food was good and all, and the girls were really hot, but I can't help feel like a complete scum bag just by crossing over the threshold. I make mention of it mainly because it came to my attention that Tony Little is a pitch man for them... TONY LITTLE. That is all.
_____________________________________________________________________
Speaking of Kentucky and all that, Andrew and I DID go to the 'Nati and it WAS a rockin' good time. Aside from Andrew's attempt to set Dave on fire. And Jason giving Andrew multiple noogies on the walk back to Dave's apartment. And the trailer for "Two Brothers". Yeah, otherwise, it was a great visit. Dave has some cool friends, despite their inclination for playing cornhole.
_____________________________________________________________________
With that, YOU'VE BEEN BLOGGED!
_____________________________________________________________________
Oh, on a more serious note, my dad is having surgery for prostate cancer tomorrow at 1:30. So, if you're religious if you said a quick prayer or if you're not if you just put your thoughts towards him briefly at some point tomorrow it would really mean a lot to me, and more importantly, him.
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Queen City Bound
Andrew and I are heading down to the 'Nati for some Davekwon visitation and a brief break from Columbus (As if either of us need it, seeing as we're both going out of town for extended periods of time in the next week). I thought I'd pop in with a couple of notes before I split, though.
Congratulations go out to Cody for getting accepted to Oklahoma University, his number one choice. Don't drop out just because I'm your role model for excellence. Drop out because 7:00 am is TOO DAMN EARLY.
________________________________________________________________________
Top 500 Alternative Songs EVAR!
These were voted on by listeners in Seattle, so it's NO SHOCK that Nirvana is #1.
The top 20 for people anti-clicking:
1 - NIRVANA - SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT
2 - RADIOHEAD - CREEP
3 - WEEZER - UNDONE-THE SWEATER SONG
4 - RAMONES - I WANNA BE SEDATED
5 - SMASHING PUMPKINS - 1979
6 - PRESIDENTS OF USA - LUMP
7 - RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS - UNDER THE BRIDGE
8 - NIRVANA - HEART SHAPED BOX
9 - R.E.M. - IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD
10 - SOUNDGARDEN - BLACK HOLE SUN
11 - NIRVANA - LITHIUM
12 - WEEZER - SAY IT AIN'T SO
13 - PEARL JAM - JEREMY
14 - NIRVANA - ALL APOLOGIES
15 - VIOLENT FEMMES - BLISTER IN THE SUN
16 - RADIOHEAD - KARMA POLICE
17 - CLASH - LONDON CALLING
18 - NIRVANA - RAPE ME
19 - SUBLIME - WHAT I GOT
20 - FOO FIGHTERS - EVERLONG
LUMP!? LUMP!? FUCKING LUMP!?
This list looks like a mix tape some fat girl made in 1998. You would think that if this shit wouldn't fly anywhere in the US, it'd be Seattle. Obviously, it's MARK city out there. Can that noise. The Police ain't fuckin' alternative.
________________________________________________________________________
And for no reason whatsoever...
FAT GUYS IS PIMPS TOO.
PEACE!
Congratulations go out to Cody for getting accepted to Oklahoma University, his number one choice. Don't drop out just because I'm your role model for excellence. Drop out because 7:00 am is TOO DAMN EARLY.
________________________________________________________________________
Top 500 Alternative Songs EVAR!
These were voted on by listeners in Seattle, so it's NO SHOCK that Nirvana is #1.
The top 20 for people anti-clicking:
1 - NIRVANA - SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT
2 - RADIOHEAD - CREEP
3 - WEEZER - UNDONE-THE SWEATER SONG
4 - RAMONES - I WANNA BE SEDATED
5 - SMASHING PUMPKINS - 1979
6 - PRESIDENTS OF USA - LUMP
7 - RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS - UNDER THE BRIDGE
8 - NIRVANA - HEART SHAPED BOX
9 - R.E.M. - IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD
10 - SOUNDGARDEN - BLACK HOLE SUN
11 - NIRVANA - LITHIUM
12 - WEEZER - SAY IT AIN'T SO
13 - PEARL JAM - JEREMY
14 - NIRVANA - ALL APOLOGIES
15 - VIOLENT FEMMES - BLISTER IN THE SUN
16 - RADIOHEAD - KARMA POLICE
17 - CLASH - LONDON CALLING
18 - NIRVANA - RAPE ME
19 - SUBLIME - WHAT I GOT
20 - FOO FIGHTERS - EVERLONG
LUMP!? LUMP!? FUCKING LUMP!?
This list looks like a mix tape some fat girl made in 1998. You would think that if this shit wouldn't fly anywhere in the US, it'd be Seattle. Obviously, it's MARK city out there. Can that noise. The Police ain't fuckin' alternative.
________________________________________________________________________
And for no reason whatsoever...
FAT GUYS IS PIMPS TOO.
PEACE!
Friday, June 04, 2004
Adventures in Babysitting and Laying Down Some Smack
YARGH! I have a little one running around, biting at my ankles. Jabba the Glen demands my attention! He SCOFFS at nap time! "DOG!? DOG!?" he says to me, as if I'm going to lick his face. Once he figures out the difference between canines and humans, it's all gravy.
Oh, he IS saying, "I'M SPICY!" a lot now. You know, from that Burger King commercial. It's 2 CUTE 2 B B-LIEVED. Seriously, it's adorable. So, I'm having a blast with the wee nephew, but I thought I'd get back to a regular feature of the blog.
Since I actually watched and rather enjoyed the Smackdown this morning, I went ahead and wrote some live notes.
WHAT WORKED-
Eddy and Danny Basham have a wrestling match. I was going to comment on how lethargic Danny is but he whips out the CRAVATE and I mark out like a fricking 9 year old. They edit his punches. Danny sells the triple suplex like Shawn Michaels landing on a coffin and we go straight to the fabulous cheating to win.
CHAVO CLASSIC DEFENDS THE BELT! The robe is FUCKING FLY - soo evil Lex Luger in the NWA. CHAVO CLASSIC wears the belt to the ring because he is old school as an absolute motherfucker. CHAVO CLASSIC punks Funaki like he's come across Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo making out behind a dumpster. CHAVO CLASSIC bumps to the floor like a man his age has no business doing. CHAVO CLASSIC. POINTS. TO. HIS. DICK. OH MY GOD. Chavito cheats to get CHAVO CLASSIC to win. Some bitches pour over the railing to swarm on CHAVO CLASSICS junk. As it should be.
CHAVO CLASSIC: PUTTIN' HIS STANK ON WHYTE GIRLS SINCE BACK IN THE DAY
Renee Dupree has fans and it sucks. The WANG cannot suck up to the masses. The masses must suck up to the WANG! Seriously, his package is disturbing. Rey Rey comes out and we get to see what he can do with the Faux Francais stiff. Rey Rey does lots of Mini offense - which is disturbing. Not as disturbing as Renee's package, but still. Renee Dupree's punches are fucking HORRENDOUSLY shitty. He does sell the hamstring well, I guess. Rey Rey's punches look like Matt Hardy's in comparison. Dupree is pretty good not fucking up selling Rey Rey's offense. Dupree gets the deserved face pop for fucking up the ludicrous 619 setup. TAZZ is SPRUNG when Renee dances. Rey Rey steals a win and I wonder if Renee is destined to be this years A-Train. No, that can't be it. A-Train could actually work.
JBL has some stipulations. He SHOULD be GREAT demanding respect from the Canadian rubes in attendence. He doesn't fucking insult them enough. WHAT THE FUCK? He can kick Mexicans in the ass but Canadians are off limits? WHAT IN THE FUCK? THEY'RE CANADIANS! YOU'RE A FUCKING TEXAN! THIS SHOW SUCKS!
MMAtaker versus Booker T should be good. If MT goes all old school, it works to the strength of Booker T. MT with the perfectly fine elbow drop. Booker T cuts off MT's signature spots and MT hits a nice legdrop and goes all shoot-styletaker with the work on the arm. Yeah, this match is good. MMAtaker bumps to the floor as we go to commercial. I'm thinking about Lucas's pretty hair. Join me, won't you? Sweet missile dropkick. MMAtaker sells out of the sleeper and this is worked pretty smartly. Booker T cuts off MT's comebacks and finally succumbs to a MT suplex. They go completely Memphis by Punching To Transition. YAY! Booker T fights out of the Last Ride. Booker T succumbs to the Choke Slam. Aaaaaaand the shitty ending. The End.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK-
FUCK A BOWFLEX! I GOT MOTHERFUCKING MILLER LIGHT! The fat is dripping offa me. That's right, ya gonna want me ta soooothe ya, mama... oh yeah...
A bikini contest. Oh Jesus. Jamie Noble is supposed to be a redneck but looks like a real University of Syracuse UltraGuido in that tux. By the time Miss Jackie comes out, 46 year old virgins have already toasted pungent, chalky loads over their mint condition 1979 Comic Journal Year End Specials onto their Sinestro Hero-Click Figures. HAW! Dawn Marie is Vampirella-esque enough to completely smoke the rest of the collective bleached leathery and swollen WWE Whorulon. My nephew is here so we FAST FORWARD.
Mordecai comes out and GOD is that outfit Froooty. I would like to thank him for praying for my sins. That hour spent on pigglywigglyproducedeptupskirt.com needs more than what I can muster on my own in terms of atonement. I think he is praying to Odin. Maybe Crom. I should start praying to Crom. He's not Southern enough to pull off this gimmick.
Do you have what it takes to be the NEXT SECTION OF THE WWE WHORULON?!?!? Let's check in at WHORULON TECHNOLOGIES where Professor Whorulon and his freakishly deformed assistant Sneedly prepare for the Diva contest...
Proffessor Whorulon: Sneedly, do we have the saline?
SNEEDLY: Yes, master. We also have the silicon.
PW: Excellent. We'll use both. Mad Vince wants to make sure the titties look as inhumanly bloated as possible.
S: Yes master. It is as if Mad Vince was nursed by Letha Weapons as a little infant.
PW: Yes, Sneedly. He truly is a repulsive twisted fruit.
S: Yessss. He truly is a gut-churningly misogynist cock-sucker, master.
So nobody watched the TNA show that showed that Kenzo Suzuki completely sucks dick? He's gonna make you miss the sublime ring generalship of Nathan Jones. Really.
Click it or Ticket? Fuck that shit. This is fuckin' AMERICA. If I want to go face first through my windshield, that's my motherfucking RIGHT. This ain't Communist Russia. Yet.
Kids. SMOKE. Just to piss off the anti-smoking commercial jack-offs.
There you have it. And since I'm being harrangued by the Tower of Toddling Power to pick him some cherries (the tree is bearing wonderfully ripe fruit!), I'm OUTTA here.
Oh, he IS saying, "I'M SPICY!" a lot now. You know, from that Burger King commercial. It's 2 CUTE 2 B B-LIEVED. Seriously, it's adorable. So, I'm having a blast with the wee nephew, but I thought I'd get back to a regular feature of the blog.
Since I actually watched and rather enjoyed the Smackdown this morning, I went ahead and wrote some live notes.
WHAT WORKED-
Eddy and Danny Basham have a wrestling match. I was going to comment on how lethargic Danny is but he whips out the CRAVATE and I mark out like a fricking 9 year old. They edit his punches. Danny sells the triple suplex like Shawn Michaels landing on a coffin and we go straight to the fabulous cheating to win.
CHAVO CLASSIC DEFENDS THE BELT! The robe is FUCKING FLY - soo evil Lex Luger in the NWA. CHAVO CLASSIC wears the belt to the ring because he is old school as an absolute motherfucker. CHAVO CLASSIC punks Funaki like he's come across Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo making out behind a dumpster. CHAVO CLASSIC bumps to the floor like a man his age has no business doing. CHAVO CLASSIC. POINTS. TO. HIS. DICK. OH MY GOD. Chavito cheats to get CHAVO CLASSIC to win. Some bitches pour over the railing to swarm on CHAVO CLASSICS junk. As it should be.
CHAVO CLASSIC: PUTTIN' HIS STANK ON WHYTE GIRLS SINCE BACK IN THE DAY
Renee Dupree has fans and it sucks. The WANG cannot suck up to the masses. The masses must suck up to the WANG! Seriously, his package is disturbing. Rey Rey comes out and we get to see what he can do with the Faux Francais stiff. Rey Rey does lots of Mini offense - which is disturbing. Not as disturbing as Renee's package, but still. Renee Dupree's punches are fucking HORRENDOUSLY shitty. He does sell the hamstring well, I guess. Rey Rey's punches look like Matt Hardy's in comparison. Dupree is pretty good not fucking up selling Rey Rey's offense. Dupree gets the deserved face pop for fucking up the ludicrous 619 setup. TAZZ is SPRUNG when Renee dances. Rey Rey steals a win and I wonder if Renee is destined to be this years A-Train. No, that can't be it. A-Train could actually work.
JBL has some stipulations. He SHOULD be GREAT demanding respect from the Canadian rubes in attendence. He doesn't fucking insult them enough. WHAT THE FUCK? He can kick Mexicans in the ass but Canadians are off limits? WHAT IN THE FUCK? THEY'RE CANADIANS! YOU'RE A FUCKING TEXAN! THIS SHOW SUCKS!
MMAtaker versus Booker T should be good. If MT goes all old school, it works to the strength of Booker T. MT with the perfectly fine elbow drop. Booker T cuts off MT's signature spots and MT hits a nice legdrop and goes all shoot-styletaker with the work on the arm. Yeah, this match is good. MMAtaker bumps to the floor as we go to commercial. I'm thinking about Lucas's pretty hair. Join me, won't you? Sweet missile dropkick. MMAtaker sells out of the sleeper and this is worked pretty smartly. Booker T cuts off MT's comebacks and finally succumbs to a MT suplex. They go completely Memphis by Punching To Transition. YAY! Booker T fights out of the Last Ride. Booker T succumbs to the Choke Slam. Aaaaaaand the shitty ending. The End.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK-
FUCK A BOWFLEX! I GOT MOTHERFUCKING MILLER LIGHT! The fat is dripping offa me. That's right, ya gonna want me ta soooothe ya, mama... oh yeah...
A bikini contest. Oh Jesus. Jamie Noble is supposed to be a redneck but looks like a real University of Syracuse UltraGuido in that tux. By the time Miss Jackie comes out, 46 year old virgins have already toasted pungent, chalky loads over their mint condition 1979 Comic Journal Year End Specials onto their Sinestro Hero-Click Figures. HAW! Dawn Marie is Vampirella-esque enough to completely smoke the rest of the collective bleached leathery and swollen WWE Whorulon. My nephew is here so we FAST FORWARD.
Mordecai comes out and GOD is that outfit Froooty. I would like to thank him for praying for my sins. That hour spent on pigglywigglyproducedeptupskirt.com needs more than what I can muster on my own in terms of atonement. I think he is praying to Odin. Maybe Crom. I should start praying to Crom. He's not Southern enough to pull off this gimmick.
Do you have what it takes to be the NEXT SECTION OF THE WWE WHORULON?!?!? Let's check in at WHORULON TECHNOLOGIES where Professor Whorulon and his freakishly deformed assistant Sneedly prepare for the Diva contest...
Proffessor Whorulon: Sneedly, do we have the saline?
SNEEDLY: Yes, master. We also have the silicon.
PW: Excellent. We'll use both. Mad Vince wants to make sure the titties look as inhumanly bloated as possible.
S: Yes master. It is as if Mad Vince was nursed by Letha Weapons as a little infant.
PW: Yes, Sneedly. He truly is a repulsive twisted fruit.
S: Yessss. He truly is a gut-churningly misogynist cock-sucker, master.
So nobody watched the TNA show that showed that Kenzo Suzuki completely sucks dick? He's gonna make you miss the sublime ring generalship of Nathan Jones. Really.
Click it or Ticket? Fuck that shit. This is fuckin' AMERICA. If I want to go face first through my windshield, that's my motherfucking RIGHT. This ain't Communist Russia. Yet.
Kids. SMOKE. Just to piss off the anti-smoking commercial jack-offs.
There you have it. And since I'm being harrangued by the Tower of Toddling Power to pick him some cherries (the tree is bearing wonderfully ripe fruit!), I'm OUTTA here.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Liberal Media, the Knight Rider himself, and What's Beef?
How does one come to the conclusion that "the media" (i.e. network television) carries a leftist slant?
In fifteen minutes of CBS' evening news, I was treated to a bio piece on Sean Hannity and an editorial (without disclaimer) by Ben Stein. I watched Fox News yesterday, don't even get me started on that...
Really, the more network news that I watch, the less liberal anything I hear. The closest network programming comes to leftism is Nightline, which is dead center on the ideological scale.
At this point, I just can't decide which is worse; the term "liberal media bias" or the fact that so many people buy into it.
Okay, that's my sociopolitical rant for the week.
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What do Michelle Pheiffer, Beverly D'Angelo and Scott Thompson have in common? The winner gets a prize! ("They all like men" is NOT the correct answer)
__________________________________________________________________________________________
The Cam'ron/Eminem beef is the greatest thing ever. Cam'ron gave an interview (to Kayslay, no less), and apparently, Cam thinks that D12 took some shots at him in some video that was only available on the bonus DVD of their new album. Best line ever: "See I had no problem with the bitch till he released this video. It was all gravy until then. Things done changed and he know it." Good to see that Cam'ron is doing what he can to stay relevant. Hopefully this will reach the asinine posturing levels of 50 Cent/Ja Rule from last year.
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I'm not exactly sure how this managed to fly beneath my radar for two weeks, but HO-LEE SHIT...
"NEWS
Knight Rider turns into Hassel the Hoff
Nadia Samie
Posted Thu, 20 May 2004
Ex-Baywatch lifeguard David Hasselhoff's career has taken a slight turn from acting — to rapping. More startling is that his hip-hop name will be… Hassel the Hoff.
Hasselhoff (51) is the latest recruit of legendary rapper Ice-T, who is the actor's neighbour in Los Angeles. The two have reportedly racked up quite a close friendship.
Hasselhoff had in the past dipped into the music industry and earned a number 35 hit in the UK in 1993 with 'If I Could Only Say Goodbye' in 1993.
According to Sky News, Ice-T said of his new friend and protégé: "The man is a legend, we are going to show a whole new side of him.
"He's gonna come out as Hassle the Hoff. The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills and humour."
Ice-T, whose real name is Tracey Morrow, is apparently dead set on turning Hasselhoff into a hip-hop star. "
... WOW. Words cannot properly convey my reaction to that when I first read it. I think that's a good note to leave you all on. Nothing really going on in MY life, but as you can see, the world keeps turning. And thank God I live in a time where I have the freedom to illegaly obtain Hassle the Hoff tracks. Peace.
In fifteen minutes of CBS' evening news, I was treated to a bio piece on Sean Hannity and an editorial (without disclaimer) by Ben Stein. I watched Fox News yesterday, don't even get me started on that...
Really, the more network news that I watch, the less liberal anything I hear. The closest network programming comes to leftism is Nightline, which is dead center on the ideological scale.
At this point, I just can't decide which is worse; the term "liberal media bias" or the fact that so many people buy into it.
Okay, that's my sociopolitical rant for the week.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
What do Michelle Pheiffer, Beverly D'Angelo and Scott Thompson have in common? The winner gets a prize! ("They all like men" is NOT the correct answer)
__________________________________________________________________________________________
The Cam'ron/Eminem beef is the greatest thing ever. Cam'ron gave an interview (to Kayslay, no less), and apparently, Cam thinks that D12 took some shots at him in some video that was only available on the bonus DVD of their new album. Best line ever: "See I had no problem with the bitch till he released this video. It was all gravy until then. Things done changed and he know it." Good to see that Cam'ron is doing what he can to stay relevant. Hopefully this will reach the asinine posturing levels of 50 Cent/Ja Rule from last year.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
I'm not exactly sure how this managed to fly beneath my radar for two weeks, but HO-LEE SHIT...
"NEWS
Knight Rider turns into Hassel the Hoff
Nadia Samie
Posted Thu, 20 May 2004
Ex-Baywatch lifeguard David Hasselhoff's career has taken a slight turn from acting — to rapping. More startling is that his hip-hop name will be… Hassel the Hoff.
Hasselhoff (51) is the latest recruit of legendary rapper Ice-T, who is the actor's neighbour in Los Angeles. The two have reportedly racked up quite a close friendship.
Hasselhoff had in the past dipped into the music industry and earned a number 35 hit in the UK in 1993 with 'If I Could Only Say Goodbye' in 1993.
According to Sky News, Ice-T said of his new friend and protégé: "The man is a legend, we are going to show a whole new side of him.
"He's gonna come out as Hassle the Hoff. The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills and humour."
Ice-T, whose real name is Tracey Morrow, is apparently dead set on turning Hasselhoff into a hip-hop star. "
... WOW. Words cannot properly convey my reaction to that when I first read it. I think that's a good note to leave you all on. Nothing really going on in MY life, but as you can see, the world keeps turning. And thank God I live in a time where I have the freedom to illegaly obtain Hassle the Hoff tracks. Peace.
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