Monday Night RAW, bitch!

WHAT WORKED:

Damn Jericho is stoked to be working a tatted, roided guy who isn't Tomko. I haven't seen him look this good in ages. Batista continues to deliver big, and Orton just bumps like a freak. Edge works hot tag as opposed to face in peril, and it works well for him. I rarely say good things about Edge, but is he worlds better than Lance Storm as a partner for Jericho. The double drop kick spot was off but really everything else in this match worked like a mutha. Richmond crowd was also superhot for it and really cool as they started to chant "Y2J, Y2J" to the beat of the coliseum fire alarm. I'm not suggesting that Timbaland sample that beat or anything, but it was neat hearing them chant to that beat instead of the played out "clap clap clap" one. Shit, now I can just hear Missy Elliot fucking up a perfectly good fire alarm Timbaland beat. I can't stand Missy Elliot lately, she has to spend an entire song showing how exotic and interesting she is. Anyway, back to the match. They actually had Edge work face in peril after Jericho did, as they had plenty of time. That clothesline on Orton fucking ruled. The killer clothesline looks really great, but it's dumb to have Batista using the Smackdown! Champion's finsher. It was really dumb to have RVD do the frog splash while Eddy was champ, but at least Eddy has other moves. Bradshaw has nothing but a clothesline and a goosestep. I also really liked the section where Batista just ground his foot in Edge's gut, and Batista's rib sell of the spear/lionsault combo really made the finish work.

REGAL IS WRESTLING!!!!!!!! Yeah. So Regal gets to work a match against the least talented of the Blue Bloods. Regal just does everything so well. Helmsley tries to do his apeing Flair stuff, really nice Flair/Valentine flop, awful backdrop out of the corner... this wasn't as good as any of the Marquis of Queensbury Flair vs. Regal rounds... but just seeing Regal wrestle makes me happy. Tag him and Eugene up already. They're continuing with the Eugene is STRONG gimmick which is stu-PID and destroys his character, and the wrong guy with knucks finish really doesn't work. Eddy Guerrero is all about taking every false lucha finish and turning it into a meta-rassling thing. It just comes off cheap when the RAW crew tries to do it too. RAW apeing Smackdown finishes just makes RAW look like Riki Ratchet. The arm work at the beginning was really beautiful, as was the left/right forearm/uppercut combos. It really looked like Regal had all this nifty stuff he has been eager to bust out for a year.

Main event kind of felt too short, largely because we miss so much due to the commercial breaks. But damn, this was good. If it wasn't for commercial breaks this would have been better than the tag. The Richmond crowd essentially died after the tag match and were dead for most of this show but this match brought them back, who would've though that? Kane works his ass off here and after seeing endless Helmsley/Michaels/Benoit variations it's nice to see Benoit get to work someone who knows how to sell.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK:

That opening mic thing went 15 minutes and Eugene didn't get to talk. He and Regal actually have mic skills so give them the mic. I mean, Eugene is in the ring with him, Regal is in the ring with him, so why is this being scripted like a one man play; Hunter is Eleanor Roosevelt. This was written as Helmsley giving a monologue "and then you would say, and if he was given the mic Regal would have just admitted irrefutably, and then Dorothy Height said to me".

Two weeks ago they booked Jim Ross as Richard Holbrooke, this week they book him as Sally Jesse Raphael. "The question on all of our minds Kane, is why the anger?" Damn, that Jim Ross sure is multitalented. I hope they have the common decency to actually pay for Maury Povich to do the paternity testing instead of having Ross play that role too. Also, if they're trying to make Kane seem creepy, his "I'll never be able to have a normal life" lines just come off poor. Stop talking about being self aware about being abnormal. Its far creepier when a character isn't self aware. If Kane said "It was the best sex I ever had because she reminded me of my mother"., that would be poor writing but it WOULD be genuinely fucked up. This "I know I'm odd" stuff is just poor writing period.

Rhyno sure sucked tonight.

I think they should do a Smackdown trade and bring Spike Dudley over to RAW, his double stomp finish would make a really great way to perform the East Oakland Abortion on Lita. Then you could do a poor mans Mike Awesome v. Spike with Kane trying to get revenge for his smushed spawn. See, the problem with the Kane character is that it's really hard to sidetrack him. This pregnancy angle is really smart as it allows them to do that easily. Two month feud with Hardy. Two month feud with Danny Doring. Two month feud with Essa Rios. Then they either go with the stillborn birth where Kane wrestles for next year with a dead fetus in a sling around his back like a really creepy Lone Wolf and Cub, or they can have Lita give birth to a daughter leading to the paternity 4 way with Doring, Rios, Kane and Hardy. Have Kane feud for two months with Michaels and Sting over their insistence that Kane should baptize little Lyla. Then have R. Kelly film himself fucking Lyla in her soft spot. That's twelve months you can sidetrack him before his next title shot. It books itself.

THERE YOU HAVE IT!