Halloween in August

*UPDATE @ 1:16 PM: Dave just called me, and he's about to go into his second screening of the film. I'll be getting the third screening. Never have I felt so much like chopped liver. Or Chops' liver. UPDATE out.*

It doesn't have quite the same ring to it as Christmas in July, but to my knowledge, Christmas has never actually occurred in July. But on this day, the 31st of August, Halloween is quite real.


BLAOW!

Dave has spoken of hoping to die at the age of 29 for some reason, but I really wonder if he has anything to live for beyond today. Halloween Movie Marathon X, I guess. But past October, maybe it's the last hurrah for the little guy. Try to spend some time with him in the next two months. He may not be here afterwards.

All right. That's entirely enough creepy prognosticating on Davekwon's mortality. Point is, Rob Zombie's Halloween remake opens today, and I'm PSYCHED. As a person who has watched all eight of the previous Myers films in each of the last three years, you might call me something of an aficionado as it concerns this mostly wack film series. Not so much as Dave or perhaps even the Graylien (whom we must only speak of in hushed tones for fear that his vengeance may touch down upon us), but I'm sure I'm right up there. Anyway, even though the third, fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth installments of the series are largely varying degrees of awful, I'm quite hopeful for this movie. Rob Zombie is batting a thousand so far cinematically, from the woefully underappreciated House of 1000 Corpses to the more readily accepted Devil's Rejects. This dude knows what he's doing when he's shooting a horror flick. Should be a fine time at the cinema.

Okay, onto funnier (sadder?) news. I'm going to try to do this item as a digest, because the information on it is MAD scattered. This is the content I teased yesterday but decided to wait for more information. Well, no new information surfaced. Here we go.

You may have heard that Congress is going to be holding hearings regarding steroid use in professional wrestling. Seriously. It's come to this. I'm actually thrilled by this because as I believe I've stated before, I'm really tired of men that I've been a fan of since childhood keeling over and dying well before their time. Anyway, this news was actually broken last week but for some reason didn't gather any steam until yesterday, and WWE panicked or something. They received information from the Albany, NY attorney general's office regarding their talent procuring steroid prescriptions from the Internet, a big no-no in their absolute joke of a Wellness Policy. The company didn't release the names of the wrestlers suspended, but T.J. Quinn (and if that isn't a wrestling name, I don't know what is) a reporter for the New York Daily News, received confirmation on the list of clients for one particular online pharmacy. And it is as follows...

Randy Orton, Charlie Haas, Adam Copeland aka Edge, Robert Huffman aka King Booker, Shane Helms aka Gregory Helms, Mike Bucci aka Simon Dean, Anthony Carelli aka Santino Marella, John Hennigan aka John Morrison, Darren Matthews aka William Regal, Ken Anderson aka Mr. Kennedy, Chavo Guerrero.

Now, there are 11 names there, but I believe (not certain) that some of the prescriptions were from before the Wellness policy was put into action early in 2006. Anyone who wasn't using this pharmacy after that point would be safe.

ESPN chimed in shortly after with three more names: Dave Bautista, Shoichi Funaki and Chris Mordetzky aka Chris Masters.

At the time, it wasn't confirmed when these prescriptions were purchased or who would likely be suspended.

And then... as my friend Paul stated, Dave Meltzer wrote the best headline in the history of the Wrestling Observer website: "WWE wrestlers are so screwed this time"

And it looks like they are. Check this out.

"Sports Illustrated has received information on the drugs and dates received by various WWE wrestlers, all of whom fall after the institution of the Wellness policy.

Based on these dates, the entire policy's credibility is shot in the sense there were detectable drugs purchased by talent through Internet doctors, a practice banned by the company's Wellness policy.

In addition, Ken Anderson (Mr. Kennedy) comes across like a complete fool because his last package was sent in February, one full year after he claimed to have gotten clean due to the Policy. Between October 2006 and February 2007, Anderson received Anastrozole (which is not a steroid, but used to counter affects of steroids such as development of female breast tissue), Somatropin (a Growth Hormone) and testosterone (an anabolic steroid)."

It goes on to list what each guy was taking and when. Needless to say, pretty much all of them are in violation of the policy. Edward Fatu (Umaga) and Sylvan Grenier (who is no longer with the company) were also named.

This is incredibly disastrous for WWE right now. Kennedy, Orton, Umaga, and Regal are all major characters on RAW, and will all be gone for 30 days (60 for Orton, as it's his second failure).

One positive I can take from this is that Booker is apparently clean at the moment. Yay Booker!

Okay, enough wrestling nerdery, and onto DVD nerdery! FOUR DAYS until The Office Season Three comes into my life and makes my world brighter than ever.


My girl's ready for any occasion. Even Halloween in August!

The caption on the photo is true. I'm sorry if that upsets you, but it is.

Youtube still hates me for some reason, but here's the link for the tremendous Summer Vacation trailer from The Office to whet your appetite for the fourth season. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCDXIyRdwG0


That's really the bulk of what I have today. I'm kind of crunched by a nerdy deadline, and the other content I had included will fit better tomorrow. So for now, just take solace in the fact that it's...

FIVE DAYS until The Office Season Three is back up in your ass with the Resurrection and shiz.




Jenna Fischer: Hotter than your girlfriend.

But No Cigar

I want this. But... ya know, in a manly size.

Chiming in about fifteen minutes late here, folks. I do sincerely apologize. I had a window after work and before going to the movies, but I just wasn't feelin' it.

Speaking of, Superbad is SUPERGOOD. Unfortunately, I hurt Jason's feelings for the second time in about a week by seeing it without him. What a dick I turned out to be.

You know, this has really been a great year for movies. I've enjoyed many theatrical releases in this, the year of our lord, 2007. Check this shit out.

Spider-Man 3, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Shrek the 3rd, Transformers, 300, The Simpsons Movie, Blades of Glory, Grindhouse, Knocked Up, License to Wed (just barely, but that counts), Smokin' Aces, Superbad, TMNT, and Waitress. That's a LOT of movies. And Friday I'll likely have Halloween to add to the list. The Jenna Fischer starring Walk Hard is out fairly soon as well, and I'm not seeing any possible way for that to disappoint me. So 2007... Hell of a year for cinematic treats.

I made a time machine. I found some shit out.


Jenna's reaction to me at the altar. How brave. How very brave. I don't want to give too much away, but she does NOT hold her peace.

Back to the present, it is now a scant SIX days before The Office Season 3 gets all up in my grill and whatnot. It's gonna be legendary, y'all.


Pam and Proto-Pam. I don't know if my heart can take it.

Topics Lost Forever, a music video review, and DVDs.

I was going to write about something very specific today. And it was good. I know this because I considered doing this entry at about 2 am as soon as I thought of it. I then considered making a note so I wouldn't forget what it was. I determined that there was no way I could forget.

I forgot.

I do have something to say about a music video, though. I wanted to embed it here from the Youtube, but copy/paste isn't my friend this afternoon for whatever reason. Anyway, it's by a guy called Wisely, and the song is Through Any Window. Now, the reason I know that this person exists is through Jenna Fischer's MySpace blog. You see, she is the STAR of the video. In a bit of a coincidence, John Cabrera of minor Gilmore Girls fame directed the video. Anyway, I watched this thing and initially, I thought, "This song is pretty wack, but Jenna's all pretty and stuff so it's fine." After a few more viewings, the song had begun to grow on me slightly (not enough that I'd say I like it or anything), but I realized that the video itself is a serious bummer. Jenna is sad in the beginning, then gets more sad as it progresses. This doesn't turn around at any point. It's just sad, sad, sadness, and then she takes off a ring and walks out of the house she's presumably sharing with this Wisely character. Bullshit. Don't watch this video.

In happier news, there are DVDs I want based entirely on their packaging! Come look with me!


I actually like this show, but probably not enough to shell out for it were it not for this amazing satchel.



I have absolutely no desire to own King of Queens DVDs, but if anything would convince me, it's packaging shaped like a delivery truck.


I love this show, but I call "foul" on this packaging. The youngest child, Henry, was not even on the show this season. Unacceptable quality control.

Yo, ding dong, yo. EIGHT DAYS till The Office Season 3 takes custody of my soul. I'm very much looking forward to that.


What's up, 2005? Lookin' fly!

6-1-4 Once More

I'm back alive and well from the big KY just in time for the cable to be out. Holler holler, Time Warner. This means no Summerslam after all. Keith is going through alternate channels, so we'll see what gold that mines.

Quick recap of the weekend:

Day 1: Friday night, arrive at Chops' party pad in Frankfort, head out almost immediately for RED DOT LIQUOR to pick up some brand of beer that I've forgotten but I'm sure Andrew will helpfully chime in with, plus a bottle of bourbon. From there, it was on to Hardee's, as we began a weekend chock full of food options not readily available in Columbus. Mandy came over, and the five of us drank, smoked, and watched Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Barb Wire, including fifteen minutes of "Sexy Bonus Footage" consisting entirely of Pam Anderson swinging on some kind of pole with an open shirt, being blasted with water cannons. In 1996, mind you, so this wasn't bad at all. I fell asleep during this film.

Day 2: Off to Shoney's for the "breakfast trough" if Andrew is to be believed. Sketchy name aside, this was excellent, as by the time I was finished piling my plate, I had forgotten some of the things in the middle. Each bite was a delicious surprise. "Hey, what's up, fried apples? I didn't know YOU were in there." Disaster almost struck early as Renkes confused clam chowder for sausage gravy, but he manned up and gutted it out. Anyone but him and I think they would have just cut their losses and started fresh. Not this guy. From there, we went on a Bourbon Tour at Buffalo Trace distillery. Is that the right term? Distillery? Whatever. It was a fascinating look at rural alcoholism though. Next, were were away to Louisville, home of Jim Cornette, awesomely named baseball bats, and ear X-tacy, a perfectly fine record store that is more famous than it deserves to be in this man's opinion. Seriously shitty used hip-hop section. Andrew may still be upstairs with the new vinyl. Renkes and I grew bored with this place and wandered on down the road to a neat little games/DVDs/CDs/vinyl/book/everything store that was selling a STAR WARS FOOSBALL SET for entirely too much money. Back to the apartment, and a great gumbo was concoted by Mr. Renkes, full of chicken, sausage, and rice. And then smothered with tobasco sauce. Fantastic cuisine. More beer followed, and then a viewing of Beerfest accompanied by a drinking game. Andrew got rowdy and began throwing cookies and peanuts at my head. I handled this by choking him out. Then I fell asleep.

DAY 3: No Taco John's, but we did end up at Backyard Burger for lunch, which was pretty excellent. Beyond that, just a long trip back to Columbus while listening to a masturbatory People Under the Stairs album and a not quite as mastubratory Pete Rock and CL Smooth album. Disappointment!

Great trip overall though, and it was definitely nice to see Chops and Mandy.

Not a lot of wackiness in this here update, as it's mostly for my benefit. It'll be nice to look back in a month and actually remember what I did in Kentucky, na'mean?

You know, I don't know if I mentioned this or not, but it's now NINE DAYS until The Office Season 3 arrives. Single digits, dog!


Stop, husband James Gunn. Andy looks like he's about to tell me a fascinating story about how amazing it was that nobody puked all weekend!

Starting your weekend off on the right foot.

It's looking very likely that the new streak may end at six entries, as I am going to Kentucky and I'm not sure the Internet has spread there yet. We'll see, but it's looking unlikely. Anyhow, here's a couple of things that you should note this weekend.

Randy Couture will beat Gabriel Gonzaga by 4th round ref stoppage tomorrow night. Georges St. Pierre will knock out Josh Koscheck in the 2nd round. There, it's all right here on the blog. So if I'm wrong, you've got the better part of a day to mock me for my stupidity before I can come back and edit my picks.

For Columbusites, or really, really ambitious out of towners, the plan for Sunday is Hong Kong Buffet followed by WWE's Summerslam show. I don't know what time we're aiming at for HKB, but I'd figure around 6. Andrew has volunteered to drive a car load. Hopefully we'll need it.

So, I heard that it's just ELEVEN DAYS until The Office Season 3 is all up ins.

The Jenna Fischer picture well has not run dry. Far from it. But I got to thinking about how sorry I am to be missing consecutive Saturdays, blog-wise, and I think it's time I brought back a classic. The untopped, perhaps untoppable, mother of all Jenna pics. Holla.


Bliss.

Nu Shooz, er, template

You may have been following the drama in the comments sections, but if not, here's what happened: I changed the template. About a dozen times, actually. I was tired of having my pictures spill out of the field and either push the archives down the page or just get lost underneath the archives panel all together. So here we are, on SAND DOLLAR, where the archives are on the left, my yammerings are on the right, and the pictures are free to be themselves. Not crazy about the colors, but I've mostly adjusted by now. Adam suggested some manner of shrinking the pictures, but to be perfectly honest, I can't use that.

Other things I can't use today:


311


Ann Coulter


Karen from The Office


And David Cross

Truth be told, I can very rarely use David Cross, can never use Ann Coulter, and barely know who 311 is aside from their butchering of a beloved Cure song. I don't know what my beef is with fictional character Karen Filipelli today. Rashida Jones is one foxy bitch, if I may borrow from the vernacular of Paul Thomas Anderson. And as Andrew and I have discussed, it sucks to be her what with having no ride back from Manhattan after the job interview. Still, I was just thinking about it, and she's really sticking in my craw today. Dumb wops.

You'd think this would be a good segue to our regularly scheduled feature, but I have more to talk about! LUCKY YOU!

Someone needs to play catch with me soon. Down in Glen Echo. It's been way too long, and I need it like a drug. I will provide you with a mitt if you are lacking one. Unless you're left handed. Then you're SOL because I only have one lefty and I kinda need it.

I'm supposedly going over to Old Renkes' crib this evening to help him bask in the glory of his new sound system while we watch something dreadfully violent. DJ OPS as well, if his gums aren't still in open revolt.

Why is there a new Return of the Living Dead collector's edition DVD coming out next month? Didn't I already buy this? Didn't we all watch it at Kendall's house? I distinctly remember this all occurring. I will probably purchase this, as I am a sheep. I'm pissed now.

Rey Mysterio and The Rock both get their first shots at the Wrestling Observer Hall of Fame ballot this year. If I'm remembering right (and I may not be), the only first ballot Hall of Famers in the history of the award are Steve Austin, Manami Toyota, Kurt Angle, Akira Hokuto, Kenta Kobashi, and Jushin Liger. I think Rock and Rey both have a good shot at making it, but if Rock doesn't make it now, I don't think he ever will. He's pretty much accomplished everything in wrestling that he's going to at this point. I hope that his lack of longevity isn't held against him, as he managed to do something very significant in crossing over to the mainstream in a way that no wrestler ever has, even Hulk Hogan. Not to mention he's a top 5 draw of all time even with such a relatively short period spent in the business. As for Rey, to deny his influence on wrestling is ludicrous. He revolutionized high flying, became a draw and major star inside and outside of his culture, and was even made World Champion of WWE for a few months. Vince McMahon's WWE. Yes, that one. Oh, and he's also one of the greatest wrestlers to ever live, in my not so humble opinion. No brainer for Rey.

It's always nice when I can holler about wrestling for a paragraph or two. Makes me feel better.

Remember, younglings... TWELVE DAYS until The Office Season 3 lights the DVD charts on fire!


I can't paint a thousand pictures, but I can stare at this one all day long.

Have Any Dreams You'd Like to Sell?

I don't like to talk about relationships on the blog, mainly because they always eventually end and I don't like to look back at past entries and be sad, but also partly because it's kind of disrespectful to whomever I'm dating at the time to do so. That said, Michiko is wearing an incredibly wacky (that's the only word for it, really) Ben and Jerry's shirt today. It has a picture of a cow and a pasture on it, and it's so cute.

Okay, enough of that bullshit.

Speaking of t-shirts, I saw a dude on the bus this morning wearing a Shawn Michaels tee. The back says "Many Are Called But Few Are Chosen" or something like that, while the front is just "HBK" only the letters are wrapped in THORNS. I understand that Shawn is a religious guy, and that's fine, but isn't that kind of imagery comparing him to, rather than being reverent of, Jesus? Here, you decide.



I'm disappointed in my imagination lately. I only seem to have insane dreams when I drink these days. Here's what I had to contend with last night. I was doing some kind of research in a spooky old house, possibly for Danny Glover (he was involved, but not entirely sure what his role was), and in the dream I kept being afraid of going into certain rooms, looking out certain windows, etc. But then, I had COURAGE... and nothing happened. Seriously. I convinced myself in the dream that the supernatural didn't exist, and indeed, I went unmolested by all manner of beasties as I did my research.

WHAT THE H!?

This is a DREAM. I should be besieged by horrible creatures at every turn in a haunted house scenario. Where were the zombies!?




Vampires!?


Whoa. Vampire Willow is a 2.

Werewolves?



GHOSTS?



Hell, I'd have taken a good old fashioned Psycho Killer.



NOTHIN'. Life went about its scheduled course! It's enough to drive a man to drink, I swear to God. Thank Jenna for keeping me strong and sober at least four days a week.

We're under the two week mark now, with THIRTEEN DAYS remaining until The Office Season 3 is helping me to stare at CRTs for days on end!


I know what you're thinkin', Krasinski. Don't you do it.

Blog Isn't Always on Time, Oh No No

I have Hold the Line stuck in my head, so you get title puns for the third day in a row. LUCKY YOU.

Go check out the Walk Hard trailer on the YouTubez. I can't decide if it looks awesome or terrible. It's sometimes a really fine line. Grandma's Boy toes it very well. Employee of the Month stumbled right over into terrible from the word "Go" despite what some readers may think. Anyway, Jenna basically plays June Carter Cash and looks hot. What else is new?

Speaking of Jenna, which I rarely get a chance to do, Keith and I saw part of The Brothers Solomon tv ad last night, which featured her fairly prominently. Didn't get a sense of the film itself because of ol' Mr. "OH GOD SPOILERS CAN'T LOOK FAST FORWARD NOW ANDY!" but it's got Will Arnett starring, and that's not so bad.

Keith came over for the RAW program last night, and it was all right. Mr. Kennedy and Carlito had a boring match that Keith kept trying to justify based on the crowd reaction to it. Lukewarm isn't much of a step up from nothing, dude. Get over it. Also, the McMahon bastard progeny is officially a boy. Big surprise there. Hard to build to Hunter squashing a chick, right?

All right, not much today, but I do want to put positive vibes out with today's Jenna pic. It's another of her holding her SAG award. Just trying to get that award winning pedigree out into the ether before the Emmys next month. Fingers crossed!

Also, as you were doubtlessly wondering, it is now FOURTEEN DAYS, or two weeks, until the greatly anticipated release of The Office Season 3 on the most celebrated of all media formats, DVD.


Very nice, but how about something with wings? And maybe carrying a sphere of some sort? Super.

Blog's Gonna Make Me Lose My Mind

There is a scheduled outage of Blogger about three and a half hours from now. I sure as Hell hope I can take care of business in that amount of time.

Let's get something out of the way real quick. A while back I showed you the awesome exterior of the Gilmore Girls Complete Collection, due this Christmasish time. Today, it's the interior!


Don't play. You want it.

I was just talking to my young friend Jeff about my dropping of The Blog ball on Saturday, and he told me not to feel so badly about it. I've come to a decision. I'm going to adopt a schedule much like the WWF superstars of the raging '80s. 33 days on the road, 1 day off! Now with less cocaine, pills, and injectable steroids!

Someone made this on Fire Pro Returns, also coming Christmasish time. It's amazing.


SSSSSSSSMOKIN'!

I cannot wait for this game. The only bad thing about it is that the localization is being done by an American company, and thus we'll get no awesome engrish out of the deal. No SUPA PURORESU HARTOs from Japan or anything of that nature. Damn it.


The good old days

I'm totally going to Kentucky this weekend. Chops tells me that there's no Pabst Blue Ribbon in his area. THIS WILL CHANGE. BEER WILL BE TRANSPORTED ACROSS STATE LINES. I'm having trouble finding a bar in Frankfort that shows UFC, though. I don't want to miss what may be Randy Couture's last fight ever, but I'm certainly not going to travel 22 miles out of town to the nearest BW-3s. As I suggested to Andrew last night, perhaps there's a broad side of a barn with a projector or something. Regardless, should be a grand ol' time.

A heartstopping FIFTEEN days are between us, the Bride of the Blog... nation and the Mecca that is The Office Season 3 on DVD.


One more time. I SAID... "I LOVE YOU".

Can't Stop the Reign (of Doom) SIKE! IT'S OVER.

This is a really complicated title for a blog entry. I blame this on Andrew. It was originally going to just be a Funky D reference, instead of a Funky D AND Shaq reference, but as just a Funky D reference (never finalized, but it would have probably ended up being "Reign of Doom DOOMED" or something equally creative) it made it seem like I was eulogizing ol' DJ OPS, and that is happily not the case.


This guy (left, in case one day I forget what Andrew looks like): notably alive and kickin'

I was going to use that awesome picture of him doing the double finger point behind his turntables, but pre-glasses Andrew seems like some kind of foreign concept these days, and it scares me.

Anyway, as two of you may have noticed, there wasn't a blog update on Saturday. I could blame any number of factors, but let's be real here: I... dropped... THE BALL (Thanks, Hunter). So that's the etymology of the entry title. After 33 straight days, there is finally a gap in blog activity. I don't think this is going to lead to an overall drop in blog-related production or anything. I'll admit that I was partially motivated for the past month and change by just not letting the streak end, so the (entirely self-imposed) pressure is off, but I really do enjoy doing this and don't have any plans to, for instance, NOT blog on any given day. Also, 33 is my favorite number by a wide margin, so it was a better place than any to take a brief respite.


It's awesome that this exists

I was originally planning on going to Annie's kickball party today, but A) didn't get her message until way after she actually left it, and B) didn't feel all that hot anyway, so instead I did, um... grown up things over at the apartment of another consenting adult. You know, balanced checkbooks and whatnot. So sorry to Annie for flaking, but an unbalanced checkbook can lead to all sorts of trouble.

The worst thing about missing that day of blogging is that it interrupted the flow of the countdown. No worries, we'll continue unabated at the end of the post.

Speaking of The Office and The Office related things, I now have a dilemma. As some of you may be aware, Best Buy is, regrettably, not open 24 hours. As terrible as that is on a day to day basis, it's made even worse by the fact that they have a special gift set for The Office Season 3, which based on a crappy little picture on the Best Buy website, looks to include at least a mini Dwight Schrute bobblehead as well as a miniature Dundie award. ME WANT. Now, it would be a lot easier to just get up like any normal person on Tuesday and go get it. However, can I really wait a full ten hours after this item is available, without frills mind you, at other locations? It's certainly something to consider.

Luckily, I have SIXTEEN DAYS to mull it over, as that's how long it is between today and the release of The Office Season 3 on DVD!

The Blog: January, 2004 - August, 2007: RIP

SIKE! BLOG NEVER DIE!


Hey, as heart wrenching as it is to see her mackin' with the future ex-Mr. Fischer, what can I say? I'm in a romantical mood.

Of Pioneers and the End of Days

Another brief one today as I'm heading to Thurston to hang out with my sister sans nieces and nephews. Unprecedented. Wooooooo. Ballin'.

I finally finished my paper at 1:06 am. I think that was the right time. I made a mental note of it, but a lot of time has passed between then and now. I determined during the power outage as I was going stir crazy that I would either have been the worst possible pioneer ever or the best possible pioneer ever with no middle ground. I'd either go insane with boredom and chop up my pioneer family, or I'd be so driven by boredom that I'd invent television out of sheer force of will. Upon sharing this theory with Jason, he pointed out that there would probably be long stretches without electricity during the Zombie Apocalypse. He's right, but somehow I don't think that will be boring. Just a feeling I have, ya know?


So bored, nothing to- HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT IT'S SOME ZOMBIES!

Hey guys, guess what! It is now EIGHTEEN DAYS till that thing that's going to happen. You know, that thing? The Office Season 3 on DVD, that's what!


"Hi, I'm Tina Fey. I also have a show on NB-" DON'T CARE.

It was a bad day

Fuck AEP. I'm missing the biggest night of my boy's DJING CAREER due to a multiple hour power outage earlier today, preventing me from finishing my final paper in a timely manner. I still have another page and change to write so this will be brief indeed.


Enemies of Funk

NINETEEN DAYS remain between now and the day to end all days (prior to September 27th), the day that The Office Season 3 hits store shelves all over these United States!


Support the cause at www.congratsjenna.com today!

Broin' Up

Not nearly as fun as broin' down.


Me, last night, as a pumpkin.

That comes at the end though. Prior to that, there was much merriment to be had at Broin' Down 3: Special Broccasion! A crew of six (THAT'S RIGHT, SIX) convened at Ruby Tuesday last night for some dude time. We've added to the group each month, and Adam and I are alternately fearful and optimistic about the prospects of forming some kind of 2K7 Masonic Brotherhood based around the time Crispin Glover almost karate kicked David Letterman if it gets much bigger.


All Hail Number One!

Myself, Uncle Adam, Lucas (with the lid off), DJ OPS, Kool Keith, and Old Renkes broed for hours! Europe was discussed, I remember that. And uh... the phrase "warm for your form" has stuck in my mind for some reason I'm sure is related. Beyond that, I have very little memory of anything but FUN. We did however, lay down the names for the next three Bro Down nights.

Tuesday, September 11th (you know, to honor the dead): Broin' Down 4: ABROmatherapy

October: Broin' Down 5: OctBROberfest

November is tricky, because there are two candidates. Which do YOU like? Brovember Rain OR Brovember to Remember. I have a feeling I know which one a certain Paul Collins will favor.

Finally, Old Renkes and DJ OPS departed, and the beer kept flowing as freely as ever.

OH! I have to interrupt my own narrative here, because I DID play a six song set on the jukebox comprising of "Shame on a Nigga", "Wu Tang Clan Ain't Nothin' to Fuck With", "Method Man", "Protect Ya Neck", C.R.E.A.M.", all from that first, most awesome Wu Tang Clan album, and finally "Clocks" by Coldplay. I vehemently denied that it was me playing "Clocks" at the time, but I'm far enough removed to own up to it now.

Anyhow, we finally got up and left. I hugged Keith as I always do. I hug Keith because I always have the feeling that it may be the last time I see him. Who's to know when he's going to just cut me out of his life? I cherish every moment with the real Doctor Octagon, Keith Jackson.

I was quite drunk, so after walking home with Adam, I went inside and puked. And puked well! Then I went to sleep. I woke up this morning with a sore tummy, so I guess my unkrunkability is now in serious question. That makes me sad. On the positive tip, I had TWO CHEESE STICKS in my pants pockets. I guess I felt the need for cheese before I threw up. MAYBE CHEESE MADE ME THROW UP. THAT'S IT! I AM LACTOSE INTOLERANT AND STILL UNKRUNKABLE. Thank God.

Moving on, I went to school. I sat in class, and didn't hear a word my professor said. And then it hit me. I had to puke. And I had to puke RIGHT THEN, no waiting. I leapt from my seat, darted off to the bathroom, and hurled in a trash can. The toilet was too far away. Upon my return to class, a classmate just had to bring it up. My succinct explanation? "Long night."

I was going to write about some other things as well, but what's the point, really? I can get to that stuff tomorrow.

What I can't get to tomorrow is the announcement that it is now TWENTY days until the release of The Office Season 3 on DVD. Literally I can't get to it tomorrow. Because it will then not be true, ya heard?


Pam Beesly's reaction to hearing that you're NOT rushing out to purchase the DVD. Don't do that to her.

I Hate School and I Hate All of You!

Phil Rizzuto has passed away. This is BAD NEWS, SON.


"Phil Rirruto?"

Somehow, New York Yankee fan art is more appropriate than The Office fan art. The Rizzuto picture is reverent, while THIS...



...is just kind of creepy. Okay, really creepy.

Onward and upward. I had a couple of shows on the ol' DVR, Damages and Mad Men, seven episodes worth that I finally deleted last night. I just sat there for a while and thought to myself, "I'm never going to have the time or desire to sit around and watch this shit." So it wasn't a big deal. Then I read an article in USA Today, and Robert Bianco, whose tastes tend to run similar to my own, was calling Mad Men the best show of the summer. Perfect timing. Oh well. The upside is, I don't have to actually acknowledge that Vincent Kartheiser is still employable.


I may look sullen, but I'm smiling on the inside, because I ruined Angel. What up?

Oh Kartheiser. I remember him in this movie Alaska when he was just a lad, co-starring with Thora Birch. That sure did suck.

Too bad Keith reads this blog at the pace of one paragraph per day and thus will never catch up, because I'm sure he'd be first out 'da limo with some VK defense.

We're now three weeks, or TWENTY-ONE DAYS out from the second most holy day in all of September (the most holy day will of course be getting its own countdown once September 4th comes to pass), the release of The Office Season 3 on the Digital Video/Versatile Disc format. All praise to its name.


High Priestess Jenna demands an offering of $32.49. Pre-order your copy at Amazon today!

Post Much?

Indeed I do! Twyman showing up and blowing my mind a couple of posts down has thrown me off-kilter, in a good way. It briefly knocked right out of my head everything I'd planned to write about this afternoon, but I think I got it back for the most part.

Here are some things:

I watched five minutes of Drake and Josh on Nickelodeon the other day, and it's awesome in its own little way. I don't think I'll ever seek it out or purposely watch it again, but it made me think of what The Steve Harvey Show (what up, Cody!?) would have been had it just been Omar Gooding and Lori Beth Denberg featured on the "A" story and Starvey (no seriously, WHAT UP CODY!?) relegated to subplots. Remember the Super Mario Brothers daily show, and how on Fridays you'd get a Zelda cartoon? I always hated Fridays for that very reason, although I have this feeling that those would be way more watchable than the featured Mario cartoons. This reminds me that I need to get Captain N: The Game Master on DVD at some point in the near future. Likely not in TWENTY-TWO days, though. You all know why by this point, and we'll get to it at the end.


NERD!

What's up with "spending time with my family" excuses for leaving high-ranking governmental posts? It's tantamount to saying, "Fuck you, you know what I did, and I know what I did, but... FUCK YOU!" to the entire country. Whatever. Later on, Turd Blossom. I hope that this doesn't just mean that he's now going to be running things from the summer house in Florida. Oh, and for the record, and in case I read this in 20 years and have no idea what I'm talking about, this is in reference to Karl Rove and how he's resigning. Thank you.


Thanks, Photoshop Crystal Ball!

RAW tonight is at least semi-intriguing due to the presumed continuation of the illegitimate child storyline. I won't reveal who is expected to be the bastard son or daughter in deference to Keith, but if it turns out as planned it could lead to some very interesting television in the fall. It's amazing to me that they actually have something big planned for this time of year, as WWE tends to peak creatively in March with Wrestlemania, and then flatline for a couple of months. They usually get it up again to some degree for Summerslam (Rock versus Brock in 2002, Hogan versus Michaels in 2005 for example), and then just kind of putter along for the rest of the year, right up until Royal Rumble. The fact that they have an actual big, long term storyline brewing right now, in mid-August, that probably won't be paid off until the end of the year, is amazing to me. Even with Big Dave and Hunter, sure, it paid off at Wrestlemania, but it didn't even really start gathering steam until December of the previous year. I could be reading this one wrong and they'll rush to the finish in a couple of weeks, but WWE has been good about slow builds lately, and I think this will be a fun one.


That's just my baby's daddy.

I watched about half of D.C. Cab again yesterday afternoon, and there's something that I can't understand. How is it that Adam Baldwin was in this film, My Bodyguard, and Firefly/Serenity and he's not eight million times more successful than his fake brothers? Okay, he's probably actually more successful at this point than all of them but Alec, but still. D.C. Cab is an awfully terrible movie, but I just feel like somebody missed the boat on Adam Baldwin back in the mid-late '80s. How did nobody pick up on him after his turn in Full Metal Jacket? Bah. Also, this time I noticed that Grady from Sanford and Son is in it, which doesn't help it be a better movie. It's kind of neat though. Anyway, Adam Baldwin could easily be A Bridge Too Far/The Natural/Out of Africa era Robert Redford if someone would just GIVE HIM THE CHANCE. Instead he's playing third banana in mid-season Taye Diggs serialized dramas and NBC sitcoms. BE FAIR TO BALDWIN!


LEADING MAN

I'm PISSED now!


AND THESE T-SHIRTS ARE TOO TIGHT TOO, BILLY!

I'm better now. Still a little edgy. I think I know what will help that, though.

BROIN' DOWN 3: SPECIAL BROCCASION~!


Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby!

7:00 tomorrow night. Come on down if you happen to read this and are so inclined. Oh, and are also a BRO. I'm pretty sure that the only three women who read this thing aren't in the Columbus area though. But seriously, no gurlz allowed. The people going are already sold on it, so I don't know what else to say, really. Hype! Hype! Hype! Hype! There. I'm a regular Freaky Tah.

Lessee... Budos is on Thursday, and that should be a good time. I saw them open for/play with Sharon Jones last December in Cleveland, and I have no idea how they're going to be configured in such a small space. This is the biggest night in the young career of DJ OPS, and I'm very excited to see him getting the chance to rub elbows with the musical equivalent of "C" list celebrities. Which is fine, because according to Funkdefy's BIG PLAN, it's just two short steps from this to "B" list celebrities! Or at least one.


Columbus isn't ready for this jelly.

Is it true that Kentucky resident Young Chops is actually coming up for this thing? That would be groovetacular. I haven't seen that dude in WEEKS.


Young Chops, according to Google Image Search. Pay no attention to the douche on the wall.

In closing... well, just shy of closing (you know what has to happen), I'd just like to say that despite a couple of valleys, I'm feeling weirdly energized with the blog. Most days it's not so difficult to come up with content, and I wonder if I had actually set my mind to it if I could have been doing this all along. Maybe I needed Jenna as a rallying point. Hard to say. Regardless, even though commenting is low, I know that readership is actually in the TENS right now, and I'm very happy that so many of you check up on it every day. Special thanks of course go to Andrew, who seemingly checked up on it every day even during the long, dark teatime of the soul that was April through June. You are truly the man.

I noticed something today while perusing Andrew's blog. I'm mentioned a LOT. I mean A LOT. Like, every other post (at least) has something about "Andy and I" or "me and Young Lord Nappius" or "the Nappy Pappy and THIS dude". Then I realized that MY BLOG IS THE SAME WAY. Me and Andrew are either QUEER FOR EACH OTHER IN NOT SO SECRET FASHION, or just BFF. In the spirit of making sure nobody thinks I'm a Mary, I am going to make the following picture into matching t-shirts for me and my dude.


Better than two bears sippin' whiskey, right?

Jason's going to feel left out if I don't mention him. HEY, SHARP. Where were you last night? I actively needed to talk to you about something, and now the memory of it is GONE. Useless.

So, with all that said (and MAN was there ever a lot of it)... TWOTY-TWO DAYS until The Office Season 3 rocks my socks forever and ever! Who's going to Meijer with me!?


To be Conan... for just six minutes.