Lack of Imagination

I was having a zombie apocalypse dream last night, and my subconscious must be severely understimulated or something, because it was such a blah experience that I kept forgetting about the zombies during the siege. Kind of like the middle portion of Dawn of the Dead where it's just life in the mall until one of Peter's tennis balls rolls off the top of the building and you follow it down into BLAMMO! Zombie City. As far as appearances go, the actual zombies were pretty grotesque, so that was good. I just didn't have the all-consuming fear that I feel is appropriate in the situation. Maybe it's a sign that I need to watch some ghoul flicks. Sparing Quarantine in theaters, I don't think I've watched a zombie movie since this past winter. Time to throw myself a mini-marathon.

WIDE RIGHT

Haha, the Bills suck. That game was fun! EVEN IF WE'RE JUST DANCIN' IN THE DARK!

Fight, Fight, Fight!

One is a former NCAA Heavyweight champion in freestyle wrestling.

One played Sargon in The Scorpion King 2: Rise of a Warrior.

One controlled Tito Ortiz so easily that he literally spanked him inside the cage.

One picked up a shark and threw it over his head.

One nearly made an NFL roster without having played a single down of college football.

One is 45 years old and would still kill you, me, and half the Columbus police force before being dropped.



Tomorrow night, it's Randy Couture defending his UFC Heavyweight Championship against the man Tazz once termed "The Vanilla Gorilla", Brock Lesnar.

If you want to watch this historic fight, come on over to Casa de Napier at about 9:30 tomorrow night, with a small donation if you can manage it. We'll grab beer, chips, sodas, maybe order a pizza, and make a nice night in of it. IT'S BROCK! IT'S RANDY! IT'S ON!

Now, onto the week ahead.

Tuesday, November 18th, 2008: WRESTLING NIGHT

Just to get it out of the way, the main event of the evening is of course...



WOOOOOO! Larry Sweeney!

And here's a match listing, just in case that picture alone hasn't sold you.

Austin Aries vs. Delirious

Sara Del Ray vs. Jessie McKay

Brent Albright and Erick Stevens vs. Adam Pearce and Eddie Edwards (with Sweet n' Sour, Inc.)

Chris Hero (with Shane Hagadorn and Eddie Edwards) vs. Jerry Lynn

Bryan Danielson vs. Claudio Castagnoli vs. Go Shiozaki (with Larry Sweeney)

Briscoe Brothers vs. The Vulture Squad (Ruckus and Jigsaw) vs. The YRR (Jason Blade and
Kenny King) vs. Necro Butcher (Notice that the Necro Butcher is representing an entire team by himself. Because he is THE NECRO BUTCHER.)

Nigel McGuinness (c) vs. Roderick Strong

The Age of the Fall (Jimmy Jacobs and Tyler Black) (c) vs. Kevin Steen and El Generico

So, quite the line up if I do say so myself. But that's only the half of it! Well, actually, it's only the 2/3 of it, because do I have an ace up my sleeve!

In the late '90s, the wrestling world was shaken to its very core by the premiere of a powerful documentary that changed the way that every fan looked at our so called sport. It was poignant, funny, sad, and even a little hard to watch at some points. The production in question?



And it is not what we will be viewing come Tuesday night! No, instead, prepare yourself for the most shocking exposé on this business ever produced!



Find out the meaning of the term "STUNT GRANNY" as a cavalcade of masked (for their own protection) warriors of the ring let you the viewer in on all the inner workings of the rasslin' business!

CAN YOU STAND THE WAIT!?

A History Lesson, and More of My Lovely Dreams

I now have two voice mails from Chops that I will never, ever delete.

iTunes has been bugging me for some time to upgrade my version, so I finally obliged, and you know what? I immediately turned off both of the more obvious new features and am now back looking at a layout exactly like the one I'd been happily using since I got my iPod two years ago. This is like when AIM upgraded to 6.0 or whatever it was, and everything got more colorful and stupid.

Hey, guess what today is?



That's right! It's the 11th anniversary of the most famous wrestling match finish since the 1911 Gotch/Hackenschmidt rematch. Incredibly, WWE has actually backed off the constant references to The Montreal Screwjob in recent times, though like Dracula at the end of one of his movies, never, ever count them out.


Was Referee Smith in on the fix!? Probably not.

I was napping this lovely Sunday afternoon, and had a dream about being in the basement of my church, talking to my mother and Bob Sapp.



I'd originally found an animated gif of him shaking his head back and forth, but deemed it too horrifying/dizzying.

So we're sitting there chatting, when in walks in THE BIG BOSSMAN. I knew he was dead, however, and pointed this out to him as he strode across the room. No reaction from the Cobb County, Georgia native. He sat in a chair, at which point I yelled. "Shut up and listen to me! I have feelings too!" The Bossman looked at me with utter contempt, stood up, and went to the elevator that doesn't exist in my actual church's basement. I asked my mom what he was doing, and she said that he was going upstairs to fight Hulk Hogan. Moments later there were thudding sounds, and Kurt Angle (who I'm pretty sure Bob Sapp had morphed into) said, "Sounds like the Hulkster took care of business." AND THEN... THE BIG BOSSMAN'S MUSIC PLAYED!

This was a wacky dream.

More Sleep-Induced Scribblings

I had quite an odd day Thursday. I didn't sleep Wednesday, as Dave and I were up late watching the seven hour Ghost Hunters special from Halloween night, and by the time he left it was nearing two in the morning. I had a dentist's appointment upcoming at 9:50, and adding in time for showering, shaving, and taking the bus, I just figured I'd go sans slumber. Good idea? Bad idea? Hard to say, really. I went to the dentist last week after a three year absence, just for a routine cleaning, and was found to have CAVITIES. I wasn't shocked, but I wasn't exactly thrilled with the revelation either. So yesterday's appointment was to get those filled. The cavities, that is. In my teeth. Here's some dialogue from my visit:

Asia, the cute, black dental hygienist: So, were you happy or sad with Tuesday's outcome?

Me: I make it a policy not to talk politics with anyone who's preparing to use sharp tools on my mouth.

She laughed, I smiled inside.

So I go home, still all numb on the left side of my mouth, and sit around for a while. As the medication began to wear off, the pain began to hit me hard. So I took a couple sleeping pills and woke up at 1:30 this morning. SUCCESS! Except I missed the Browns game, which Andrew called me about twice. So hopefully he reads this and doesn't just assume I'm dead.

Anyhow, I had some weird dreams, chief amongst them a scenario in which Barack Obama was assassinated in Iraq. I was reeling from this news when I then discovered that Tazz had also been slain, not in Iraq. I was much more broken up about the demise of the Human Suplex Machine, no offense to our President-elect.

An Awfully Special Day

I woke this morning at 5 am, with a little less anxiety about the world at large than usual (thanks, Klonopin!) and a bit of a spring in my admittedly unsteady step. I took a brisk 6:05 walk with my mother down to the local polling station where we were probably about 50th in line upon our 6:15 arrival. A double dose of Brian Williams on Conan and Bill Maher on Colin had me quite keyed up about our great nation's electoral process. And so here I am in the aftermath. It's like crashing from a sugar high. Nothing to do now but wait for Keith Olbermann's smug mug to greet me this evening as I get one last fix for this cycle. Once more, make sure you get out there and cast your ballot. Young Josh can tell you what happens if you don't. SILENCE CAN BE DEAFENING.

My Dinner With Andre(w)

Outback Steakhouse's Bloomin' Onion may sound like a good idea when you're first sitting down to order... and it is. I regret nothing, despite my current discomfort.

Get out and vote, slackers!