New weekly wrestling show that DOESN'T suck, and more

I took some notes on NWA TNA's new Impact show on Fox Sports Friday afternoon, but didn't get around to posting it. So here's the ol' Workrate Report. This might permanently replace the Smackdown reports as it seems like it'll be a lot less painful to watch and I may give up on that show entirely very soon.

WHAT WORKED

I dug the presentation of Impact today - using the Fox Sports Net banner at the top for information on the current match and a displayed time limit, and a ticker at the bottom talking about the next PPV. Hammering home the upcoming PPV is exactly what to do here.

The X-Division six-man ended up as a clusterfuck but in a good way, with spot spot spot actually hit hit hitting. The Canadian Destroyer/sunset flip piledriver was totally fucking insane, as was the damn snappy Code Red by Red. Garza almost fucks up the inring corkscrew plancha but lands it well enough to get this at the top here.

MOTHERFUCKING POPEYE gives the rub to Shark Boy after he gets splattered into ittybits by THE SIX FOOT EIGHT Abyss. That's MORE than enough to get up here. POPEYE!

What Kinda Sorta Worked

The tag title match was pedestrian enough that somebody should've been holding a Stop/Slow match at ringside, but it seemed to gel well enough. Dallas worked as the world's most "eh" Test, and stood still well enough for AMW to pinball off him and for Kash to springboard off him. At least Test didn't get pinned after crotching himself on the top after missin' the Wotsitolla Boot. Not usually, anyway.

WAY too many shiny outfits in the four-way at the end. AJ Styles is A SHOCKING SURPRISE! by VINZ RUSSO. The more shocking surprise is Styles going splat against the ceiling. "Back down to the X Division, you!" Simpler spots than the X-Division six-man, simpler execution, but somehow, it looks more like an exhibition than the main match did. Hit big move to win, have it broken up, have guy that broke it up do move to guy he broke up, have another breakup, lather, rinse, repeat. Sabin's hair poofing out makes him look really odd, as does Styles being the first guy to kick out of a move by himself five minutes in. Shane insists on aping HBK more by getting crotched up top. Styles finally becomes the first guy in the match to bounce off the ropes. I shouldn't slag this this bad, but if they're going to up the tempo with the first match, they can't slow it down a ton in the last one. It's about expectations. Styles Clash cements Styles v. Kazarian, which probably won't end with Kazarian's vertebrae going into his skull like it did when they matched up last year.

What Didn't Work

Dusty pontificates on Shakespeare before Jarrett comes out looking like a roided up Jonny Fairplay - then again, Fairplay would bump his ass off for Dusty. Like NWA World champion Jonny Fairplay would be more embarassing than Arquette. Triple J gets his usual TV time, basically dressing down Dusty and withstanding THE SPLOTCH ATTACK before Ron Killings runs in to take the powder-filled bullet for Dusty. It takes three men to run off the NWA World champion. Whee.

Shane Douglas yaks with Vince Russo. Or he will yak with him, AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL BREAK! Thank god there's only 13 minutes left in the show cuz between Douglas' six-hour rants and Russo never shutting up, this could've eaten up the rest of the show. I can't decide which of in-ring Douglas, managing Douglas or interviewing Douglas is more worthless.

THERE YOU HAVE IT!

So yeah, TNA Impact is a pretty good, spot fest filled, harmless one hour show. I'll watch it until it bores me, as always. Also, the six-sided ring is fucking bad ass.


UHHHHH! LUCHA AS FUCK!
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Cody just informed me that J-Lo married Marc Anthony today. Hooray for getting Puffy and Daredevil's sloppy 3rds. All hail the new Liz Taylor. But without the class.
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I ate at Hooter's for the first time ever today. And Lucas will be proud to know that it was a KENTUCKY Hooters. Hell yes. It's weird eating there. The food was good and all, and the girls were really hot, but I can't help feel like a complete scum bag just by crossing over the threshold. I make mention of it mainly because it came to my attention that Tony Little is a pitch man for them... TONY LITTLE. That is all.
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Speaking of Kentucky and all that, Andrew and I DID go to the 'Nati and it WAS a rockin' good time. Aside from Andrew's attempt to set Dave on fire. And Jason giving Andrew multiple noogies on the walk back to Dave's apartment. And the trailer for "Two Brothers". Yeah, otherwise, it was a great visit. Dave has some cool friends, despite their inclination for playing cornhole.
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With that, YOU'VE BEEN BLOGGED!
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Oh, on a more serious note, my dad is having surgery for prostate cancer tomorrow at 1:30. So, if you're religious if you said a quick prayer or if you're not if you just put your thoughts towards him briefly at some point tomorrow it would really mean a lot to me, and more importantly, him.