A Sobering Tale of Two Movies, Illiteracy, and Truncated Wrestling Featuring a Near Death Experience

Greetings, gentle reader. Welcome back to the misadventures of my life. I had plans this weekend. BIG PLANS! And then the plans became bigger as the weekend wore on! Where to begin? Where to begin?

AOL INSTANT MESSENGER, Thursday night. I was talking to ASHLEY~! about our upcoming plans for Saturday to venture to the Library and imbibe many spirits, and quite sadly, she had to cancel due to work. I was disappointed, as was she, because we were going to get TANKED. Anyhow, I soldiered on, and fired off a message to Chops, to see if he was down for whatever. NEXT!

WENDING OUR WAY TO DAYTON, Friday evening. FUNKY D~! and I had some HAWT Ring of Honor tickets, so we split at about 6:15, mindful of the 8:00 bell time. And then... 70 DIED. Not 70 people. The Interstate. So we sat there, mostly unmoving for about an hour, trying to figre out what hip hop station the chick next to us was listening to, smoking cigarettes, and generally being completely slap happy ( a condition CODY~! would refer to as "the sleepy sillies.
") By the time we got to Dayton and found the godforsaken fairgrounds (a University of Dayton carnival threw us off completely), it was about 9:30, and we had missed the entire first half of the show. We walked in as Nigel McGuinness versus Christopher Daniels was wrapping up, at which point Andrew excused himself to go to the bathroom. I'm sure he'll tell you he had to take a slash, but I suspect he was weeping the rough tears of discontent at missing out on the Fallen Angel.


Fear not, youngling. I will return in July to rock your party. And then, on to Scribble Jam!

We had a fine time. We got to see TNA favorites such as Austin Aries, Roderick Strong, and of course, Samoa Joe. We also ALMOST DIED at the hands (and bare feet) of the NECRO BUTCHER.


He is the one covered in blood.

It was a show ending brawl and Butcher and another wrestler, Colt Cabana, ended up over the guardrail, taking out a few rows of fans. Funky D and I were a few feet to the left of this madness and it didn't occur to me to get up because I didn't think they'd take it any farther. I... was mistaken. Moments later, our entire section looked like chair triage. Andrew beat his retreat without much difficulty while I stumbled and fell back against the bleachers. A chair throwing spectacle ensued and I just thought how horrible it would be to be trampled by this man. Luckily, I was not. NEXT!

SLOUCHING TOWARDS COLUMBUS, Friday night/early Saturday morning. We made excellent time on the way back, bolstered by our resolve to get drunk watching Teen Girl Squad episodes, a Patton Oswalt special, and the new South Park. We also heard that new Chamillionaire song a couple of times, and it is mighty and awesome. A stop at the good ol' 14-0 express provided much needed libation, and we even took the time to call up JASON~! and wish him a happy 23rd birthday. He reported that his keg was gone by 10:30 but spirits seemed high regardless. I laughed and said the good buddies.
Upon reaching the house, we immediately hit the basement, where Andrew sucked down PBRs like they had the antidote in them. It was a hell of a thing. I tried my best to keep up, but finished an entire beer behind him. By the time we had watched the ten Teen Girl Squad episodes, we were both goners. An attempt was made on Mr. Oswalt's special, but Andrew was in Dreamland about two minutes into it, and I soon followed. I still need to watch that damn South Park.

NO BOOK LEARNIN', Saturday afternoon. I gave Chops a ring a ding on the telephone machine and got no answer, thus forever burying my life's ambition to go to the Library on April 29th, 2006. Luckily, DAVEKWON~! hollered at me and we decided to hit up Studio 35. After loading up with sweets at Habib's, we made our way to the theater, securing our booth (actually mine and Ashley's booth, but Dave will do in a pinch) and pigging out while Scary Movie 4 underwhelmed on the big screen. 'Kwon seemed to enjoy it, but it was easily the weakest leg of the series, and nothing I ever need to see again. After an ATM misadventure and a car driving by screaming "ANDY!" (presumably, the car's driver and not the car itself was the screamer), we ordered up a CLASSIC PIZZA and settled in for the new Spike Lee Joint, Inside Man.
I must say, it had been a while since I'd seen a bank heist movie. It's certainly not my favorite genre, but I had high expectations going in. I love Denzel Washington, I love Jodie Foster, and I ESPECIALLY love Chiwetel Ejiofor. You may remember him as the total badass "The Operative" in Joss Whedon's Serenity. "I don't kill children." "I do... if I have to." He was also in Love, Actually if that helps.


Here he is, seeming to marry Keira Knightley. I am perplexed.

Anyhow, I LOVED Inside Man. Like a fat kid loves cake. I don't want to spoil anything, but suffice to say that it is reminiscent of The Sting without being derivative of it, which I think is perhaps its most impressive attribute.

Woot. Blogged! Be back tomorrow!

One Year to the Day...

I still miss you, Chris. Hopefully seeing some live wrestling tonight will be enough to honor your memory.



Back to regular blogging this weekend. I had midterms this week so I was fairly worn out and distracted.

Willy-Nilly

I'm listening to Robyn, so as Andrew recently said, "It must be one of the hours of the day." Yay Robyn!



Oldboy is tonight at 11 and I am STOKED. I had originally envisioned going to all three movies (the others being Scary Movie 4 and Inside Man), but the reality is, I'm going to be watching movies for 24 straight hours this weekend. I don't need to help my ass fall off or my legs atrophy any faster.

Speaking of which, this will be mine and Jason's SIXTH~! 24 Hour Drexel Science Fiction Marathon (I think. It might be our 7th), so go ahead and get your ha has out. Oh, I forgot! Half the readership goes to CONS. FUCK YOU ALL! These marathons can seriously be detrimental to your level of cool, though. Here's some shots of me from last year to give you an idea of what I'm talking about.


Before


After

Shocking, isn't it? Anyhow, I'll be back on Sunday with some manner of recap of the high points of the marathon. Until then, pray for my McQueen quotient!

Boy... boy... boy... Oldboy

On the eve of the Science Fiction Marathon at the Drexel Gateway (NERD!), and...

Actually, I need to break from the narrative here. I was trying to coax Cody into bashing my hobbies, but he wouldn't go for it. This is what happened.

Andy: So... I'm going to a 24 hour science fiction movie marathon this weekend.

Cody: I guess we're done talking about wrestling.

Andy: No. I just wanted to get your reaction to that.

Cody: My first thought was "eek"

Andy: Okay. I was hoping you would make fun of me or something. I was trying to get an organic reaction to post on my blog.

Cody: You hoped WRONG!

Anyhow, on the eve of said marathon, Studio 35 is showing "Oldboy", previously mentioned here as one of my favorite movies of the decade. It's at 11, and I'm not yet sure what the main features of the evening will be. It pretty much has to be Friday because Jason is in town for the marathon and he's leaving on Sunday. Anyway, I'm going to be there, Davekwon is going to be there, Ashley has said she'll probably be there, Jason will be there. Should be a rockin' good time, peanuts.

To all you Jews and Christians out there

Go ahead and have yourself a reflective weekend. I don't really know what Jews do for Passover aside from the Seder, but I'm going to end up in church on at least Sunday.

For all you atheists, agnostics, or just plain non-Judeo Christians, pass the peace pipe or watch Star Wars or something.

Maybe I'd do better in school if I was studying while everyone else is worshipping. Damn atheists. They get all the breaks.

Speaking of all that, though, I really need a http://www.christianthrowbackjersey.com/index2.html

Specifically, this Obadiah jersey is rather fetching.



You know what got cancelled? STACKED. Yes Stacked, the awesome bad Pamela Anderson star vehicle sitcom, where she works at a bookstore and has huge breasts. Scrubs is on the bubble, as is The Loop, which stars Bret Harrison from Grounded For Life. These shows have a personal stake for me as my only two current man-crushes are the star of each. Both are fine entertainment as well.


BRET~!

Ever watch Grounded For Life? Megyn Price is sinfully hot as the mom.


Daddy like.

And crazy Scientologist or not, I could fix Lynsey Bartilson. I know I could. Oh yes.


Lynsey and BRET~! (again, just because he's so fly).

We are so goddamn old

So... Ashley and I went to Studio 35 tonight, the plan being to see Failure to Launch, V For Vendetta, and Dazed and Confused. By the way, we have determined that while it was not the strangest movie we'd ever seen, Failure to Launch may be the wackiest movie ever committed to film. I can't find a screencap of Terry Bradshaw's bare ass, which may have been the highlight of the entire film, but suffice to say, it was great. The movie itself was something you've seen a thousand times before, but fuck it, I liked it well enough.

V For Vendetta was up next, and a week after seeing a movie where Countess Elizabeth Bathory was the main event heel, we get a film where Guy Fawkes is the top babyface. I thought about this for way too long. I also paid too much attention to people far away from us laughing and clapping randomly throughout the movie. I'm going to have to see this again while not drunk, for sure.

Now we come to the purpose of the post. About halfway through V, Ashley asked "Are we ever going to watch a late movie again?" We hadn't discussed it, but I had no reason to object. I did not want to sit in that theater for another hour and a half, period. Why? We're 23 years old, in the prime of our life. And we can't sit there and watch a classic Linklater film? Old, sad, lame, jerks we are. So pathetic.

I don't know what can be done about it, but from April 21-27, Oldboy, one of my favorite movies of the decade, is the late movie at 35, and I don't care what I have to do; I'm going to stay and watch it. Who wants to support me on this?


Hey, Oh Dae-su, can you believe those pussies walked out on Ben Affleck with a paddle? What a couple of bitches.

A Weblog looks at 300

300 posts. Has it really been so many? It seems like just yesterday I was recapping Smackdown and musing on the genesis of my relationship with Julia. The first post was on January 22nd, 2004 at 4:22 pm, making this blog a splash over two years old.

Up front, I'd like to apologize for the lateness of this entry. I had originally planned to do it over the weekend, but I wanted to let a few more things happen, so I could report on them and make this milestone entry the epic that it deserves to be.

So, first of all... I have a lot of wacky pictures I haven't used yet. So here it comes... PICTURE PARTY '06!!!!!!!


Okay, yeah, this picture has been on Andrew's blog. But come on... it's so good it deserves to be somewhere where a few people will actually see it. ZING!


Look. It's The Undertaker. He's sitting up. That's all I got.


It's a pirate keyboard! Get it!?


As Andrew might say, that guy's got it all figured out.


How do you do research for claims such as this?


She's still alive, you know. And she also sees your sinning.


I didn't even know Barbie was political.


SOMEBODY MAKE THIS


That's good to know. "Just practicing my jiujitsu, mom. Yeah, that's the ticket."


This came up at April and Keith's place last Sunday, and I felt the need to prove its existence.


Somehow the fact that it's Stoker makes it not gay. I'm not sure why the man he's cornholing is a Far Side character, though.


We're goin'. We're fuckin' goin'. I don't care where it is.


I go through this every day without fail.


This is why America is falling behind. Soft babies who haven't had their necks stretched.


Sometimes I dream about things like this. If we're going to have an evil overlord, it might as well be Kurt.


What did people do before Photoshop?


Oh, right. Cartoons were just ACTUALLY that ridiculous.

And finally, to keep the cartoon theme going, my future tattoo chimes in...


This has been Picture Party '06! Thank you for coming! You've been beautiful!

******************SPOILER ALERT*********************

ASHLEY, AVERT YOUR EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, we good?

"Stay Alive" is the greatest film of the entire decade. If you go to that bullshit IMDB website, they'll try to tell you that it's the 61st worst movie ever made. Don't believe it for a second. Clearly nobody voting took into account that this movie stars both Frankie Muniz AND Adam Goldberg. That's right. Agent Cody Banks and the Hebrew Hammer, together at last. Fuck haters.

Fra Diggler talked the flick up on his own sucka blog, but he gave the movie a measly seven thumbs up, not truly encapsulating the brilliance contained within. Therefore, I have to offer my own summation. A MILLION BILLION STARS. All those fuckers who voted it to the depths, wedging it between "The Foreigner" and "King Kong Lives" obviously hate freedom. None of them ever would have thought to book Countess Elizabeth Bathory as their main event heel either. I certainly wouldn't have. Absofuckinglutely brilliant. This could be the best spring ever coupled with the Kane movie.

****************SPOILERS OVER (not that there were any, really)**************

So... what else? Oh, I'm reading the Superstar Billy Graham book. The wrestler, not the evangelist. Other than the first Foley book, I think this is the best wrestling book I've ever read. I reccomend it to Franz, specifically.

ROBYN~! with "Be Mine" is the new best song ever. Why it wasn't on the "Stay Alive" soundtrack, I'll never know. Seriously though, you want some awesome Swedish pop, get this now.

Of the Dead Night II was a rousing success. We need more beer for round three, but Adam is finally indoctrinated properly. Bring on the remakes and derivatives!

Uh... anything else? Oh, this blog has a new name. I figured it was appropriate, what with the milestone. Maybe I'll switch it up again at 500.

Anyhow, I just want to thank everyone who's been here from the beginning. It's about you, guys. It's about YOU!

Now... DAT'S Church.

A Good Day Today

It was a day like any other. I went to school, I came home, I watched my DVRed episode of "Just Shoot Me" and wasn't planning on any big fun. Oh yes. JUST SHOOT ME. But then... I got into a back and forth on Myspace with Funky D about what was going down TONIGHT. Turns out, nothing. So I offered to make dinner and hang out. And we did. That's right, folks. Andrew came over and we BRO'ED DOWN on two hamburgers, two hot dogs, and four Parliament Lights. You know what smokin' leads to. Naturally, we were in the market for some libation. Unfortunately, we both realized that we were completely broke until midnight.

So I donned my fedora, coiled my bullwhip, and started calling Andrew 'Shortround.' And for the next half hour or so, we searched tirelessly for riches. When all was said and done, we hauled in an amount that looked quite similar to THIS



Was it enough? Is it ever enough? At Habib's, it IS. I also learned that Habib trusts me enough to work the cash register by myself. I didn't need to today, but it's good to know. Anyfart, Drewsaster and I were soon declaring war on our livers and bombing them with PBR Tallboys (fuck you, Bourbon Street douche). It was a good day in '06.


Me and Andrew, if we were bears.

Another Tight Blog Entry

But first...

A Word With Cody McLaughlin: I Love Hip Hop Edition!

Cody: I have a song for you to download.

Andy: What is it?

Cody: Ray Cash "Bumpin My Music"

Andy: I'll do it, but this sounds like a bad idea.

Cody: The song isn't specia. The beat is cool. You know what? Nevermind. Just forget I said anything.

Andy: Too late. In progress.

Cody: Maybe you'll really like it. Probably not. I like it. So, yeah, probably not

Andy: Maybe Limewire will not be able to find it.

Cody: MAYBE~!

(A few minutes later)

Andy: What the fuck is this shit!? Tubular bells?

Cody: Yeah, the beat isn't even that great.

Andy: I saw that "bread and bologna" video. It pissed me off.

Cody: Yeah, thanks for ruining my life Mannie Fresh.

Andy: Wow. lolirl

Cody: It took me a minute to figure that out. But, word.

This has been A Word With Cody McLaughlin.

Anyway, I don't have much else, but there is something important to me I'd like to touch on.

The Cavs made the god damn playoffs. Oh yes. In his third try, King James has led the Cavaliers to the promised land. Hopefully they can go a couple rounds deep and make Lebron want to resign with Cleveland. We cannot afford to lose him now, that's for damn sure.


LONG LIVE THE KING!

E-served!

I just got the most curt rejection in the history of EVER. I had E-mailed a woman in my winter quarter English class about possibly having lunch with me some time in the next couple weeks. Predictably, she did not check her student E-mail until the end of spring break, at which point she replied with...

"Hi Glen. I just got your message. I'm not interested in having lunch with you."

OHH SNAP!!!!!