Countdown to Bound for Glory: 4 Days

For the next four days, I'm going to make one post regarding this Sunday's TNA "Bound for Glory" ppv, and hype up one match in particular each day. Today's featured attraction? Let's start with a big one.

For the TNA X Division Championship: "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels challenges "The Phenomenal" AJ Styles in a 30 minute Iron Man Match.

This is actually a rematch of an absolutely astonishing Iron Man match they had in February at the TNA pay per view "Against All Odds", watched by Davekwon and myself. It was super rad. Here's a couple of pictures from that.


Thank you Satan! - Lee Masheter, January 10th, 2004


I have nothing funny to add to this picture


The hard won victory

TNA! TNA! TNA!

Oh, it's Tuesday

And that means... TELEVISION

New episodes of "My Name Is Earl," "The Office," "Gilmore Girls," "Boston Legal," and a baseball themed re-run of "House" from last season that I didn't catch the first time around. Truly, my life is full and glorious.

The Content You've Come to Expect

Thanks to Cody, the best friend you've never met a guy could ever have, I became aware of the industry of the BOMB POP. Now, you all remember this, right?



Lemony, cherry...y, blue...y, and most of all, damn patriotic. The original Bomb Pop has stood the test of time for as long as I can remember, and I can't imagine a summer without it. Well, as it turns out, that's not the only thing the Bomb Pop people make. Check this shit out!



Yes, it's a Powerpuff Girl. I'm not a very good nerd because I don't know offhand which one it is (Buttercup?), but it certainly looks just like her, whoever she is.



Why does he have green eyes? I don't understand. Cody made me put this in. I wasn't really too impressed by it.



SOOOOO the drama! L0lz. M I Rite? Again with the huge green eyes. Bomb Pop Corp. must just have a lot of really old unusable green dye sitting around. This one doesn't look that great, but I want to marry Kim Possible, so she needed to be here.



The only thing this creation leads me to is the simple question: Melissa Joan Hart; Lebanese? I hope so.

And finally...



TAADAH! Okay, here's why this warrants inclusion over say, the Light Saber Bomb Pop. There is just nothing about this bar that would make me think it has anything to do with Nascar. They couldn't shape it like a car? They couldn't make the chocolate shell red or give it a gasoliney odor? Laziness.

I sense a return to form with that entry. Hope I'm not being too cocky. Thanks to Cody for the inspiration. Truly, you are my muse in all facets of life.

A completely random picture that cracked my shit up

Ronald McDonald giving someone an inverted Death Valley Driver might just haunt my dreams for the rest of my life.

Andy quits RAW; Bradley Cooper DOWN!

Okay. I think I'm pretty much officially just a TNA fan as far as televised wrestling is concerned. Tonight's "main event," featuring Linda McMahon inexplicably (and no, that doesn't mean I WANT an explanation) turning on Jim Ross and firing him, looks to be the straw that broke the camel's back. After roughly eight years of loyal viewership, I'm finished with WWE for a while. Very little wrestling and bad booking leading to matches I don't want to see, or in the case of the Linda/JR thing, not leading to a match at all, is just too much to handle. Peace outside, WWE. TNA, I'm here for ya. Bound For Glory, October 23rd, it's gonna be awesome.



In other news, FOX axed "Kitchen Confidential" after three episodes. I liked the two that I saw, so I'm kind of bummed about that, but I think people are still getting used to the idea of single camera comedies. Something tells me that John Francis Daley will make it out unscathed, though.


Cuz you know he's a P-I-M-P.

The Dream I Done Dreamt Last Night

So, I'm on the school bus with Julia, and there's an LL Cool J/Das Efx collaboration album playing over the speakers, and she's getting off the bus way after I am, and I keep hoping I'll be on long enough for her to hear this one particular song (the album was mine, you see). But she wasn't, and I had to take the album and split.

Now I'm walking through this canyon, carrying a wooden snake (What do you call a paralyzed snake? ROPE!), and I get stopped by this sheriff who says that it's illegal contraband or somesuch. So I get home, and now the illegal contraband has transmogrified into a blanket with bubbles in it. And the sheriff is coming to my crib to do a spot search. I take a garlic press to the blanket to smooth it out, and after he shows up, noone's the wiser. EXCEPT...

He's really AN EVIL GENIE!

No, seriously.

So, we get transported to his big old house, and if I can't defeat him in two days, I'll have to be stuck there forever, like the other two people who are there with him. And the way to defeat him? The 1991 Cleveland Cavaliers have to beat the Boston Celtics of the same year in a basketball game the following day. And he was very clear to point out, "No Genesis controllers."

In the meantime, I meet and fall in love with one of the other prisoners, who helps me scout the Celtics. "Oh, Brad Dougherty's got that on lock. Boston's got nothin' for him!"

Then, the day of the game comes, and the genie confines himself to his lamp so he can't unfairly influence the outcome of the game. I guess that would have been a perfect time to bust out the Genesis controller, but alas, I didn't think that far ahead. Anyway, I decide to invite a bunch of people over, most of whom I don't know at all, but Lee and Franz show up, as does Damon (because, let's face it, he's everyfuckin'where.)

Remember the girl I fell in love with? Well, you're doing better than me if you do, because I pretty much blow her off for another fly bitch. I get caught with my hand in the cookie jar fairly quickly though, as she has somehow turned into a 2-liter bottle of pop and observes me steppin' out on her. There's a funny bit as I at first think she's the empty bottle of diet soda and thusly assume that she's dead. No, as it turns out, she's the bottle of flat, regular cola. I had some 'splainin to do.

The game starts, but the people at the house are more interested in watching some weird amalgamation between Wrestlemania XIII and Wrestlemania XVI, which was apparently also on live. I pleaded my case to watch the game, but Lee said, "We can check it when there's a bad match on." He said this in the middle of Rikishi and Kane versus X-Pac and Road Dogg.

Finally we got to check on the score, and the Mark Price to Larry Nance connection was automatic. Nance had 45 points, Price had 20 assists, and it looked like I was well on my way to being free of the genie. And then...

I was. The game ended, the guests went home, the Cavs beat the Celtics by a comfortable margin. Reggie Lewis dropped dead on the court. Okay, he didn't. That would have been a lot more climactic, though. Sadly, this really odd dream just kind of ended, not with a bang, but a whimper.

What's Doin' On the 22nd?

With Studio 35 actually being fiscally responsible (otherwise known as MEAN) and not holding a horror marathon this year, that leaves the Drexel Grandview as the location for the INCREDIBLE 2 HEADED MARATHON. I'm not making that title up. I will wear my Studio 35 marathon shirt from last year in silent protest, just so I can be as much of a hypocrite as humanly possible.

Anyway, it's a 14 hour deal, running from 10 pm on Saturday until 12 pm on Sunday. Tickets are $16 in advance, $20 at the door. You can buy them at the Drexel Grandview or the Drexel East, but the easiest way to get them is probably by going over to the Laughing Ogre, since their hours aren't 5-11, like those ridiculous movie theaters. Below is the lineup. And yes, it's a lot of obscure European and Asian shit, and I apologize for that. Apparently the guy who organizes it and books the movies is kind of a wank. But it's the only game in town.

The OHIO PREMIERE of THREE EXTREMES! The groundbreaking horror omnibus from Takashi (AUDITION) Miike, Chan-Wook (OLDBOY) Park and Fruit Chan!

A 25th Anniversary screening of Stanley Kubrick's THE SHINING!

A rare 35mm screening of the Italian cut of Mario Bava's BLACK SABBATH!

Oliver Reed and Samantha Eggar in David Cronenberg's disturbing classic THE BROOD!

Lamberto Bava's gonzo gorefest at a horror marathon DEMONS!

Lycanthropy runs wild in the infamous LEGEND OF THE WOLFWOMAN!

From the vaults of Hollywood sleaze maven Johnny Legend comes KUNG FU CANNIBALS!

So yeah. Lots of horror. Woogie boogie. Who's in?

As usual, I bow to the Wilmer

Fez has done it again, faithful Napdaddy nation. Wilmer Valderrama is reportedly pretty cozy with Jamie Pressly righ tnow, not to mention one I missed before she hooked up with that NBA frog she's with now, Eva Longoria.

Has there ever been a more impressive human achievement than the laundry list of starlets that Fez has run through? The answer... is no. Mandy Moore, Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba, all have fallen to the Wilmer. Many more will fall after. THAT is a man, folks.


Yeah, I'd still put the blast on that.

Monday: Biggest Friggin' Night of Stuff Ever

Pre blog note: I've decided to keep Dave's blog entry on the page, pretty much as an advertisement of his own little-updated triumph of a journal that can be located at the following address: http://davekwon.blogspot.com

--As the post title indicated, there's a lot of stuff tomorrow night. Here's the rundown.

8:00 pm: "WWE Monday Night RAW" returns to the USA Network with HHH, Mick Foley, Steve Austin and Hulk Hogan returning for a three-hour special with Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels in a 30:00 Iron man match, Matt Hardy vs. Edge in a loser leaves Raw ladder match, John Cena vs. Eric Bischoff for the WWE title, Diva Search Ashley & Trish Stratus vs. Victoria & Torrie Wilson & Diva Search Candice Michelle in a handicap bra and panties match and a lot more surprises including some form of a six-way Smackdown match with Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio, Batista, JBL, Chris Benoit and Christian.

9:00 pm: "UFC Ultimate Fight Night II" is live from Las Vegas with David Loiseau vs. Evan Tanner, Chris Leben vs. Edwin Dewees and Josh Koscheck vs. Drew Fickett as the top matches.

11:00 pm: Another first-run episode of "The Ultimate Fighter" airs on Spike, with heavyweights up for elimination and Team Hughes having to send one of their welterweights over to Team Franklin. This season hasn't been nearly as good as the first, partially because of the ponderous heavyweight fights and partly due to a lack of compelling personalities, but last week's fight was good, so they've got some momentum.

11:00 pm: USA airs an hour long special on the greatest RAW moments in the show's seven-year history on the station. Could be fun, could be hella lame. Hard to say.

12:00 am: The first episode of "TNA Impact" on Spike TV re-airs.

So yeah, that's a fuckton of stuff for a wrestling/MMA fan. Thank God for DVR. As it is, I'm already having to sacrifice "Kitchen Confidential" for the week. Anyhow, those that are going to be coming over, show up at around 8:00 pm.

PEACE

Apparently my blogs haven't been showing up...

I've blogged hundreds of times, but they're just not getting posted for some reason. Somehow Craig Krenzel and his wicked OSU cohorts have tapped into my blog and been blocking them out! So I hired Tim Biakabatuka and Leroy Hoard to kill all that noise and put an end to Krenzels evil scheme to keep my all important information from reaching the world.
So here's a quick recap of what's been going on in my life...
Back then they didn't know me, now I'm hot they all on me, Target sucks for the most part, Russ Thorn Massacred a slumber party, 4 broken PS2 controllers since the purchase of NCAA Football 06, OSU SUCKS, Hook 'Em Horns, Michigan is Great, I hate Notre Dame and Wisconsin, Pizza is good, Jonathan is Gray, Herbie Fully Loaded was a cinematic masterpiece, God Bless Lindsay Lohans Boobs, CursedGu is wack, not to be confused with this fall's smash reality hit "House of Wacks", Thanks NightRanger, Krenzel is no longer a Bear, Huggins got fired, Crushes on girls are fun, Haters wanna hate, lovers wanna love, me, I'm not a lover or a hater, I'm just a Dave.
The KOV+1-1+Jonathan is doing well without me. I'm sure I'll never be reinstated, and rightly so. Peace outside.