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Attending last night's Pleaseeasaur/Neil Hamburger show was like being shot at point blank range with some sort of double barreled laugh inducer. Even my own long time enemy, Bernie's, couldn't bring down the event for me. As was mentioned several times throughout the night by myself, Andrew, and Dave, the only thing that could have made this show better would have been if Electric Grandmother opened 'er up. Even without the King of Sitcom-core, it was a rollicking good time.

Pleaseeasaur, presumably some kind of terrible hedonist lizard, took the stage shortly after a (thankfully) brief set by one of the Tom Foolery and the Mistakes guys. Supposedly they were supposed to play a full set, but they forgot their drums and bass. That seemed funny when he said it last night, but upon reflection, it just seems dipshitty. Anyway, Pleaseeasaur has in the past opened for such acts as Wesley Willis (mourn ya till I journ ya), the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players, and Bob Log III, so how strange is it for him to be jerking the curtain for an old, hammy lounge lizard throwback like Neil Hamburger? Not very. Not very at all. He's sort of hard to explain, but I'll give it a go; okay, Pleaseeasaur is just one dude, and he has another dude running a slide projector and handing him props. He also goes behind a curtain at various points to change costumes. He was some sort of Abominable Snowman, and kind of a silver Jawa, as well as a proprietor of a family owned pizza place. "Beef Flavored Island", where he plays a baby strapped to his grandma's back, was probably my favorite song/skit/routine.


The guy on the left is NOT Pleaseeasaur.

-As incredulous as Dave and I were that Neil Hamburger could possibly follow such a wonderful multimedia experience, Andrew was resolute. I really enjoyed the act, but I also noted that if it wasn't a Tony Clifton-esque put on, this would be the saddest human being on the planet. I'm pretty sure it's a guy playing a part though, and he does it quite well, with ripped from the headlines jokes that usually hit, and when they miss, they miss in that "Oh, that was so bad I have to groan" sort of way. In short, Neil Hamburger is either the best terrible comic in the world, or the world's worst brilliant comic. Take your pick. Peace.


In all his awkward glory.

Oddest Working Man In Show Business

-"David Goyer has said that the sequel will feature the Joker as a villain, and Harvey Dent as Gotham's DA, with Dent being scarred during Joker's trial in part 3 and becoming Two-Face." -Variety

Obviously, wer'e talking about "Batman Begins Again", and on the surface, that sounds like a very logical plotline. But GET THIS. Assuming the movie gets made, and I don't see why it wouldn't because I personally plan on seeing "Batman Begins" about forty times, do you know who they want to play The Joker? Anyone?

CRISPIN FUCKIN' GLOVER

I really doubt that there are any serious negotiations going on at the moment, but I can't think of a more perfect choice for the role. And, if Christian Bale is launched into the stratosphere by this role, you don't really need to get superstars as villains, a lesson that the last series of movies could have used. For instance, if the Governator hadn't been paid 20 million dollars to say "Everybody... CHILLLLLL!" maybe somebody could have hired a writer or something.

Sadly, Billy Dee Williams doesn't look to be in line for Harvey Dent.

-Oh, and in other superhero movie news, Frasier is playing The Beast in "X-3." Yeah, Kelsey Grammer. You know, I found this out from a messageboard post (don't worry, I actually corroborated it later), but the title of the thread was "BEAST = FRASIER!" and until the page loaded, I thought that Doctor Hank McCoy was going to be played by Smokin' Joe Frasier. And I was excited. It was not to be. Grammer is actually a decent choice for the role, as it will probably just end up being his voice anyway, ala David Hyde Pierce in "Hellboy."

Update a Palooza! PICTURE PARTY!

I've collected a lot of interesting/funny/weird pictures since I started this blog last January, but haven't had the opportunity to use many of them. So this is it. It's PICTUREGEDDON!

P.S. An official update on the Blogaversary post. I punted the idea. It was stupid. It was a recap of the blog, but the entire fucking blog is right here. If anyone wants to read about shit I did last March, they can just go to that month's archives. I blame Andrew cheering me on for my not realizing it was a dumb ass plan earlier.

Disclaimer: I won't be posting any outright nudity, but there are going to be bras and heaving breasts, so this post may potentially be NSFW!

Now, without further ado... PICTURERAMA!



I totally have that Wrestling Buddy Kathy Lee is holding. I burned a small hole in it for some reason, but I've still got it.



I don't know if I've ever wanted anything in my life more than a Winona shirt. Damn you, Browder.



It's the full Kaientai posse from Smackdown's tour last year. Funaki is happily posing with the Cruiserweight Championship. From left: TAKA Michinoku, Sho Funaki, Dick Togo, MEN'S Teioh, Mr. Yamaguchi. They totally choppy your pee pee back in the '98.



The fact that this exists is hilarious.



Yeah... it's Tazz. No shit. It's seriously Tazz, clipped from the reader mail section of Pro Wrestling Illustrated back in the mid '70s. For the wrestling fans, this might be the prize picture of the bunch.




What is there to say?



Cleveland's own Ira Newble with history's greatest superkick. Look at that sell, too.



If that were real, I would buy it in a second and make every person I ever met watch it.



Gene Snitsky: Please share with me your pimp juice.



I need three of those shirts and four Winona shirts, just so I have something for every day of the week. Greg Valentine ROOLZ.



Like, every time? Really? ...shit. Sorry, Mike Seaver. I didn't mean any of them.



Mean Gene is my HERO. Mo Ho is stacked. I wish she was still around.



And I REALLY wish she was still around. DAYUM. Nidia's got it goin' on.

-I think that about does it, sadly. I'm gonna go stare at Nidia for a while. PEACE!

Family Guy last night

Okay, I guess it was a pretty good episode, but the fact that Patrick Warburton isn't playing Joe anymore completely took me out of the whole thing. The Giant Chicken fight didn't amuse me nearly as much as the first one did, either. Peter's crack about Joe's wife's pregnancy was gold, though.

-Here's an unfortunate/insane item to lead with. Man Stomps Geese to Death

For non clickers, here's the upshot; this dude was walking on the campus of the plant he works at, and a mother goose hissed at him. The hissing startled him so much that he slipped and fell in the mud. He got up, and was so pissed off, he started kicking and stomping on the mother's goslings.

Best part of it all is that he claims he felt threatened by the baby geese.

Is it time for the first ever Blog that Wouldn't Die Go Pile Into a Van and Stomp This Guy's Ass excursion?

-Better things, here we come.

Or maybe not! I hate being unemployed. Looking for a jobber is lamer than having a job. I have an interview on Tuesday though, and if I get it, it would be an enormous increase in pay over diabolical Factory Card Outlet.

-Better things NOW. I promise.

Eric Bischoff's wife has a SMOKIN' body. She has one picture in the current Playboy issue (REAL Desperate Housewives!) and it's a doozy. NSFW

-I'm really sorry that every idiot cracker on the planet shouting "YEEEEAAAAAH" and "I'm Rick James, bitch!" drove Dave Chappelle out of his mind. But he committed himself to an asylum in South Africa? Is it just me, or is that one of the last places a black man should want to be locked up? That along with Alabama I guess. Let's just hope he gets better soon.

-And that's about that.

I wanna JUMP!

Something happened Friday night... something that I couldn't have ever really prepared myself for. I enjoyed "Taking the Stone".

No, you heard me right... "Taking the Stone". Thought to be most loathesome of all "Farscape" episodes, Chiana's journey of self discovery through screaming loud enough to survive falling from great heights. THAT episode. And I liked it. Nothing makes sense anymore. Up is down, black is white, right is wrong. I need to lie down.

Spooge

Not much to say, really. Just...

If a picture's worth a thousand words, I'll paint a thousand pictures

I still think Edge is a dick for what he did to one of his best friends, but this was too funny to not post:



Yeah. Poor Matt. He's banging a way hotter chick now, though, so more power to him.

Honorable discharge and a welcome return

-Upon closer examination of my financial situation (notwithstanding that I bought "Farscape" Season 2 on Monday), I'm thinking that dropping 30 dollars on a ticket to Ring of Honor this month might not be the best thing to do. I feel bad because I really want to go to the show, but I need to find a job. Find a real job and pay some BEEEEELZ.

-By the way, it's that time again. Time for what, you ask? Time for Chick. BLAOW I'm just shocked it took this long for a Nascar themed tract.

Short Takes (part... three or something)

So yeah, here's what's crackin' in my head this afternoon.

-Dave got the best psyche out on me EVER yesterday. We're just sitting there, watching Wrestlemania V, and I mention that Gorilla and Jesse is my favorite announce team ever, LITERALLY. And he says, "Yeah, it sucks that he died today." So my mind processes this for a second, and I lose it. "WHAT?!" And Dave says, "...in Predator." He had been watching it earlier that day or something. See... that's where Dave's magical Mogwai powers kick in. If Jason had done it, it would have been mean spirited, but since it was Dave, no harm done. Just like his 'presumptuous' joke. If you haven't heard it, make him tell it, because I come off like a sleaze bag doing it. Seriously, somehow he pulls it off.

-I mentioned Jason in the last item, which reminds me; my boy had turned Twotee Two yesterday! He'll be in town this next weekend, and I'm sure some kind of gathering will take place, so anyone interested in helping to observe the occasion, you're welcome to join us.

-Fuck the Game. I like some Kanye West beats and "dripping jheri curl juice on Ronald Reagan's shoes" is a great line, but did rap really need it own "We Didn't Start the Fire?" Game is like a VH1 special at this point. Yes, we all remember 2Pac, and its very sad about Left Eye, but rap about your jewels or something. Christ.

-I'm really geeked for the NBA Playoffs, even with Cleveland out. I didn't think I'd care at that point, but I'm a sucker for certain players. I wonder if wanting white players to succeed in basketball makes me a racist, though. I'm all about Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki, Manu Ginobli and Peja Stojakovich, but would I like them that much if they were black? I'd like to think so, because they really are all great players worthy of having fans, but maybe it's racial, too.

-Cody sez: Shawn Michaels needs to turn heel. Jesus won't care.

Cody is right, by the way. It's not gonna happen, but he's right.

-I watched a match after I got home last night. I wasn't really tired and I didn't feel like finishing up "Sports Night" just yet, so I rooted through my drawer full o' VHS and came across a random Japanese compilation that my friend Mike made me a couple of years ago. You know what the first match was at the point I had last stopped the tape? Hogan and the Great Muta versus the Road Warriors. YES. This is supposedly going to be on the Road Warriors two-disc DVD coming out next month, but I had never seen it yet.

The intros took like six hours and were easily the best part of the match. EASILY. I don't know for certain what year this was from but if I had to guess, I'd say early 1994 based on Hogan's hairline and general leatheriness. Not to mention the vaunted 24-inch pythons looking to be down at around 18. Hogan in Japan is really strange and needs to be seen, though. He works entirely differently. It's like he knows that he can't coast by quite as easily on his charisma, so he busts out more actual wrestling holds and stuff. It kind of reminds me of the match he had with Bret Hart on Nitro in 1998 that had Lee, Franz and I practically weeping as we realized that he could be having those kinds of matches with a lot of his opponents if he so chose. Unfortunately, Hawk is in this and as it's past 1990, he sucks. Having Hogan work 3/4 of the match when his partner is the Great Muta is kind of baffling, but maybe Muta is as lazy in his home country as Hogan is in his. Wouldn't that be a weird kind of symmetry? Nerdy fan boys such as myself got all fired up when Muta was in the US, while nerdy fan boys in Japan probably thought we were insane. For some reason, Hawk spends most of the match selling his eye. Yes, his eye. Anyway, that was a weird enough match to warrant this rant, I think.

-Speaking of the Hulkster, after I got home from seeing "Constantine" last night, I had a message on my answering machine. It was Hulk Hogan, cutting a promo on me, telling me to order Backlash. I don't argue with the ol' red and yellow.

-Okay, so maybe short takes wasn't the best way to classify these. A few were pretty lengthy. Anyway, there was no real unifying theme, so this is what ya get. Peace!