Far-fetched eScape-ism theory

This mock up rules, and it's connected to my post, sort of. It's mostly just an excuse to make Lee and Kris comment, though.

I was watching some Season 4 "Farscape" the other day, and it may have had more to do with being awake at 5:30am than anything else, but I got to thinking about how "Farscape" is the greatest show of all time, ever. And then it struck me that we're all very lucky that "Farscape" didn't exist before God started making stuff, because He probably would have just spent eternity watching the adventures of Moya and her crew, and who could blame Him? That said, thanks to Brian Henson for holding out long enough for people to exist before visiting this bountiful TV goodness on our unworthy mortal souls.

One Night Stand lineup

ECW ONE NIGHT STAND MATCHES

Lance Storm with Dawn Marie vs Chris Jericho

Extreme luchador action:
Rey Mysterio vs Psychosis

A three way dance:
The insane luchador Super Crazy vs Tajiri with Sinister Minister vs Little Guido

Eddy Guerrero vs Chris Benoit

Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman vs Bubba & D-Von Dudley

ECW One Night Stand will feature special appearances by:
Paul Heyman
The return to PPV of Rob Van Dam with Bill Alfonso
Tazz
Spike Dudley
Al Snow with Head
Sabu
Balls Mahoney
Danny Doring and Roadkill
CW Anderson
Rhyno
Joel Gertner
Axl Rotten
Justin Credible
Kid Kash
Masato Tanaka
Mikey Whipwreck with Sinister Minister
The BWO - Big Stevie Cool, Hollywood Nova, and The Blue Guy

Looks like it's going to be a terrific show, but it's not like we haven't seen Benoit versus Guerrero a million times on WWE TV and pay per views. Not that I'm complaining exactly, it just would have been nice to see it mixed up a bit. Maybe Benoit versus Masasto Tanaka and Guerrero versus Kid Kash. Something like that. Also, the lack of Dean Malenko disturbs me, as he had been talking ever since the show was first rumored about coming back for one last match here. Hopefully he'll get in at least a cameo.


The Many Moods of Malenko

Nothin' doin'

-Not a lot happening lately. I went to my first Clippers game of the season and actually witnessed not only a late game comeback, but also the stalwart baseballers holding a lead in the top of the 9th inning, marking the first non full 9 inning Clippers game I've attended in lord knows how long. Unfortunately, I also saw the newish Clippers mascot "Krash". "Krash" is a parrot, or macaw, or some kind of stupid bird. I don't know why his name is Krash. But I hate him. Lou Seal was bad enough, but this is too far. Where's Captain Clipper and his big headed goodness? Andrew was the Dime a Dog night champ, polishing off his alotted five. I came up short with three and a half, and Dave finished a disastrous dead last with three. Next game for me will be June 11th with Mick Foley for some reason.

Beyond that, I've really got nothing going on personally, sadly. So... short takes on E3!

-The Nintendo Revolution has me all a flutter with its promise of classics on Demand. Essentially it would be like i-tunes, where for a nominal fee, you can download old NES, Super NES, N64, and even Gamecube games right onto your Revolution's hard drive. If this turns out to be as promising as it sounds, that will definitely be my first purchase in the new console wars. Also, they're guaranteeing a new Earthbound game for the console which is so awesome I don't know what to do with myself.

-I'm still fervently anti Sony, so fuck the PS3 and it's wack boomerang controllers. It won't get a dolla outta me.

-I'll probably pick up the X-Box 360 at some point, too. "Selective backward compatability" concerns me, though.

Alright, I'll try to lead a more interesting life in the next couple of days. I promise.

Double Header

Attending last night's Pleaseeasaur/Neil Hamburger show was like being shot at point blank range with some sort of double barreled laugh inducer. Even my own long time enemy, Bernie's, couldn't bring down the event for me. As was mentioned several times throughout the night by myself, Andrew, and Dave, the only thing that could have made this show better would have been if Electric Grandmother opened 'er up. Even without the King of Sitcom-core, it was a rollicking good time.

Pleaseeasaur, presumably some kind of terrible hedonist lizard, took the stage shortly after a (thankfully) brief set by one of the Tom Foolery and the Mistakes guys. Supposedly they were supposed to play a full set, but they forgot their drums and bass. That seemed funny when he said it last night, but upon reflection, it just seems dipshitty. Anyway, Pleaseeasaur has in the past opened for such acts as Wesley Willis (mourn ya till I journ ya), the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players, and Bob Log III, so how strange is it for him to be jerking the curtain for an old, hammy lounge lizard throwback like Neil Hamburger? Not very. Not very at all. He's sort of hard to explain, but I'll give it a go; okay, Pleaseeasaur is just one dude, and he has another dude running a slide projector and handing him props. He also goes behind a curtain at various points to change costumes. He was some sort of Abominable Snowman, and kind of a silver Jawa, as well as a proprietor of a family owned pizza place. "Beef Flavored Island", where he plays a baby strapped to his grandma's back, was probably my favorite song/skit/routine.


The guy on the left is NOT Pleaseeasaur.

-As incredulous as Dave and I were that Neil Hamburger could possibly follow such a wonderful multimedia experience, Andrew was resolute. I really enjoyed the act, but I also noted that if it wasn't a Tony Clifton-esque put on, this would be the saddest human being on the planet. I'm pretty sure it's a guy playing a part though, and he does it quite well, with ripped from the headlines jokes that usually hit, and when they miss, they miss in that "Oh, that was so bad I have to groan" sort of way. In short, Neil Hamburger is either the best terrible comic in the world, or the world's worst brilliant comic. Take your pick. Peace.


In all his awkward glory.

Oddest Working Man In Show Business

-"David Goyer has said that the sequel will feature the Joker as a villain, and Harvey Dent as Gotham's DA, with Dent being scarred during Joker's trial in part 3 and becoming Two-Face." -Variety

Obviously, wer'e talking about "Batman Begins Again", and on the surface, that sounds like a very logical plotline. But GET THIS. Assuming the movie gets made, and I don't see why it wouldn't because I personally plan on seeing "Batman Begins" about forty times, do you know who they want to play The Joker? Anyone?

CRISPIN FUCKIN' GLOVER

I really doubt that there are any serious negotiations going on at the moment, but I can't think of a more perfect choice for the role. And, if Christian Bale is launched into the stratosphere by this role, you don't really need to get superstars as villains, a lesson that the last series of movies could have used. For instance, if the Governator hadn't been paid 20 million dollars to say "Everybody... CHILLLLLL!" maybe somebody could have hired a writer or something.

Sadly, Billy Dee Williams doesn't look to be in line for Harvey Dent.

-Oh, and in other superhero movie news, Frasier is playing The Beast in "X-3." Yeah, Kelsey Grammer. You know, I found this out from a messageboard post (don't worry, I actually corroborated it later), but the title of the thread was "BEAST = FRASIER!" and until the page loaded, I thought that Doctor Hank McCoy was going to be played by Smokin' Joe Frasier. And I was excited. It was not to be. Grammer is actually a decent choice for the role, as it will probably just end up being his voice anyway, ala David Hyde Pierce in "Hellboy."

Update a Palooza! PICTURE PARTY!

I've collected a lot of interesting/funny/weird pictures since I started this blog last January, but haven't had the opportunity to use many of them. So this is it. It's PICTUREGEDDON!

P.S. An official update on the Blogaversary post. I punted the idea. It was stupid. It was a recap of the blog, but the entire fucking blog is right here. If anyone wants to read about shit I did last March, they can just go to that month's archives. I blame Andrew cheering me on for my not realizing it was a dumb ass plan earlier.

Disclaimer: I won't be posting any outright nudity, but there are going to be bras and heaving breasts, so this post may potentially be NSFW!

Now, without further ado... PICTURERAMA!



I totally have that Wrestling Buddy Kathy Lee is holding. I burned a small hole in it for some reason, but I've still got it.



I don't know if I've ever wanted anything in my life more than a Winona shirt. Damn you, Browder.



It's the full Kaientai posse from Smackdown's tour last year. Funaki is happily posing with the Cruiserweight Championship. From left: TAKA Michinoku, Sho Funaki, Dick Togo, MEN'S Teioh, Mr. Yamaguchi. They totally choppy your pee pee back in the '98.



The fact that this exists is hilarious.



Yeah... it's Tazz. No shit. It's seriously Tazz, clipped from the reader mail section of Pro Wrestling Illustrated back in the mid '70s. For the wrestling fans, this might be the prize picture of the bunch.




What is there to say?



Cleveland's own Ira Newble with history's greatest superkick. Look at that sell, too.



If that were real, I would buy it in a second and make every person I ever met watch it.



Gene Snitsky: Please share with me your pimp juice.



I need three of those shirts and four Winona shirts, just so I have something for every day of the week. Greg Valentine ROOLZ.



Like, every time? Really? ...shit. Sorry, Mike Seaver. I didn't mean any of them.



Mean Gene is my HERO. Mo Ho is stacked. I wish she was still around.



And I REALLY wish she was still around. DAYUM. Nidia's got it goin' on.

-I think that about does it, sadly. I'm gonna go stare at Nidia for a while. PEACE!

Family Guy last night

Okay, I guess it was a pretty good episode, but the fact that Patrick Warburton isn't playing Joe anymore completely took me out of the whole thing. The Giant Chicken fight didn't amuse me nearly as much as the first one did, either. Peter's crack about Joe's wife's pregnancy was gold, though.

-Here's an unfortunate/insane item to lead with. Man Stomps Geese to Death

For non clickers, here's the upshot; this dude was walking on the campus of the plant he works at, and a mother goose hissed at him. The hissing startled him so much that he slipped and fell in the mud. He got up, and was so pissed off, he started kicking and stomping on the mother's goslings.

Best part of it all is that he claims he felt threatened by the baby geese.

Is it time for the first ever Blog that Wouldn't Die Go Pile Into a Van and Stomp This Guy's Ass excursion?

-Better things, here we come.

Or maybe not! I hate being unemployed. Looking for a jobber is lamer than having a job. I have an interview on Tuesday though, and if I get it, it would be an enormous increase in pay over diabolical Factory Card Outlet.

-Better things NOW. I promise.

Eric Bischoff's wife has a SMOKIN' body. She has one picture in the current Playboy issue (REAL Desperate Housewives!) and it's a doozy. NSFW

-I'm really sorry that every idiot cracker on the planet shouting "YEEEEAAAAAH" and "I'm Rick James, bitch!" drove Dave Chappelle out of his mind. But he committed himself to an asylum in South Africa? Is it just me, or is that one of the last places a black man should want to be locked up? That along with Alabama I guess. Let's just hope he gets better soon.

-And that's about that.

I wanna JUMP!

Something happened Friday night... something that I couldn't have ever really prepared myself for. I enjoyed "Taking the Stone".

No, you heard me right... "Taking the Stone". Thought to be most loathesome of all "Farscape" episodes, Chiana's journey of self discovery through screaming loud enough to survive falling from great heights. THAT episode. And I liked it. Nothing makes sense anymore. Up is down, black is white, right is wrong. I need to lie down.

Spooge

Not much to say, really. Just...