I wanna JUMP!

Something happened Friday night... something that I couldn't have ever really prepared myself for. I enjoyed "Taking the Stone".

No, you heard me right... "Taking the Stone". Thought to be most loathesome of all "Farscape" episodes, Chiana's journey of self discovery through screaming loud enough to survive falling from great heights. THAT episode. And I liked it. Nothing makes sense anymore. Up is down, black is white, right is wrong. I need to lie down.

Spooge

Not much to say, really. Just...

If a picture's worth a thousand words, I'll paint a thousand pictures

I still think Edge is a dick for what he did to one of his best friends, but this was too funny to not post:



Yeah. Poor Matt. He's banging a way hotter chick now, though, so more power to him.

Honorable discharge and a welcome return

-Upon closer examination of my financial situation (notwithstanding that I bought "Farscape" Season 2 on Monday), I'm thinking that dropping 30 dollars on a ticket to Ring of Honor this month might not be the best thing to do. I feel bad because I really want to go to the show, but I need to find a job. Find a real job and pay some BEEEEELZ.

-By the way, it's that time again. Time for what, you ask? Time for Chick. BLAOW I'm just shocked it took this long for a Nascar themed tract.

Short Takes (part... three or something)

So yeah, here's what's crackin' in my head this afternoon.

-Dave got the best psyche out on me EVER yesterday. We're just sitting there, watching Wrestlemania V, and I mention that Gorilla and Jesse is my favorite announce team ever, LITERALLY. And he says, "Yeah, it sucks that he died today." So my mind processes this for a second, and I lose it. "WHAT?!" And Dave says, "...in Predator." He had been watching it earlier that day or something. See... that's where Dave's magical Mogwai powers kick in. If Jason had done it, it would have been mean spirited, but since it was Dave, no harm done. Just like his 'presumptuous' joke. If you haven't heard it, make him tell it, because I come off like a sleaze bag doing it. Seriously, somehow he pulls it off.

-I mentioned Jason in the last item, which reminds me; my boy had turned Twotee Two yesterday! He'll be in town this next weekend, and I'm sure some kind of gathering will take place, so anyone interested in helping to observe the occasion, you're welcome to join us.

-Fuck the Game. I like some Kanye West beats and "dripping jheri curl juice on Ronald Reagan's shoes" is a great line, but did rap really need it own "We Didn't Start the Fire?" Game is like a VH1 special at this point. Yes, we all remember 2Pac, and its very sad about Left Eye, but rap about your jewels or something. Christ.

-I'm really geeked for the NBA Playoffs, even with Cleveland out. I didn't think I'd care at that point, but I'm a sucker for certain players. I wonder if wanting white players to succeed in basketball makes me a racist, though. I'm all about Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki, Manu Ginobli and Peja Stojakovich, but would I like them that much if they were black? I'd like to think so, because they really are all great players worthy of having fans, but maybe it's racial, too.

-Cody sez: Shawn Michaels needs to turn heel. Jesus won't care.

Cody is right, by the way. It's not gonna happen, but he's right.

-I watched a match after I got home last night. I wasn't really tired and I didn't feel like finishing up "Sports Night" just yet, so I rooted through my drawer full o' VHS and came across a random Japanese compilation that my friend Mike made me a couple of years ago. You know what the first match was at the point I had last stopped the tape? Hogan and the Great Muta versus the Road Warriors. YES. This is supposedly going to be on the Road Warriors two-disc DVD coming out next month, but I had never seen it yet.

The intros took like six hours and were easily the best part of the match. EASILY. I don't know for certain what year this was from but if I had to guess, I'd say early 1994 based on Hogan's hairline and general leatheriness. Not to mention the vaunted 24-inch pythons looking to be down at around 18. Hogan in Japan is really strange and needs to be seen, though. He works entirely differently. It's like he knows that he can't coast by quite as easily on his charisma, so he busts out more actual wrestling holds and stuff. It kind of reminds me of the match he had with Bret Hart on Nitro in 1998 that had Lee, Franz and I practically weeping as we realized that he could be having those kinds of matches with a lot of his opponents if he so chose. Unfortunately, Hawk is in this and as it's past 1990, he sucks. Having Hogan work 3/4 of the match when his partner is the Great Muta is kind of baffling, but maybe Muta is as lazy in his home country as Hogan is in his. Wouldn't that be a weird kind of symmetry? Nerdy fan boys such as myself got all fired up when Muta was in the US, while nerdy fan boys in Japan probably thought we were insane. For some reason, Hawk spends most of the match selling his eye. Yes, his eye. Anyway, that was a weird enough match to warrant this rant, I think.

-Speaking of the Hulkster, after I got home from seeing "Constantine" last night, I had a message on my answering machine. It was Hulk Hogan, cutting a promo on me, telling me to order Backlash. I don't argue with the ol' red and yellow.

-Okay, so maybe short takes wasn't the best way to classify these. A few were pretty lengthy. Anyway, there was no real unifying theme, so this is what ya get. Peace!

I don't know if that halo is a work or a shoot...

Chris Candito (Chris Candido) 1973-2005



Perhaps known as much for being married to a (in her day) spectacular hottie like Tammy "Sunny" Sytch as for being a really good wrestler and funny interview, Chris Candido passed away late last night (early Friday morning) at the age of 33. Chris never became as big a star as he should have, due primarily to his height and being disliked by Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash. But for those of us who were able to watch him in ECW, we saw a truly gifted performer, one blessed with both in ring and comedic timing. Add to that his obvious love of the wrestling business, and you have a veritable Triple Threat on your hands.

Chris had his leg broken by an errant dropkick last week at NWA TNA's Sunday pay per view. The break, and the subsequent surgery, caused a blood clot in his leg, which killed him yesterday. With so many wrestling deaths in the past several years, they sometimes seem to run together. But Chris Candido will always have a place in my heart. He's one of the reasons I was able to look at ECW and stick around to see past the production values, the lighting, and the wrestlers I'd never heard of. He was very gifted, and I will miss him on my television.

And because she used to be scorching, I leave you with his widow, Tammy Sytch. I only hope that her life doesn't spiral out of control any farther without her husband to anchor her.

Things get a lot deader this June

Not a whole lot of words this time out, but who needs 'em? I've got a "Land of the Dead" trailer, bitches! Peep it here

I guess they did some reshooting last week because it was decided the current cut wasn't gory enough. That's fabulous. Studio executives telling George Romero that he doesn't have enough gore in his new movie. I guess they finally figured out where their bread was buttered.

Regardless, it's a new Romero zombie movie. It's what we've been waiting for. Dig in.

The Return

One day, sometime in the past year, two elements were brought together in the most successful marriage since the day Sam Peanut Butter turned a corner and ran smack into Paul Jelly. Those two elements? B-Movies... and Beer.

On Thursday, April 28th, starting at 7pm, it's all happening... AGAIN.

Starting with the revisitation of a previous B-Movies and Beer endeavor... "Zombi 2!"



After a break from the zombie madness during which we watch the half hour animated thriller, "Van Helsing: The London Assignment..."



...we'll pick up right where we left off, with "Zombi 3!"



Don't worry about not having seen "Zombi 1", folks. You probably have. It's called "Dawn of the Dead" in this part of the world.

I expect MAD attendance at this thing. Don't disappoint me. I want it to be like that part in "High Fidelity" when Laura reopens the Groucho Club and all of the old folks from Rob's DJing days coming back to party. Of course, my TV room only has so much space. Still, attendance!

-Cody was worried about me. He's so sweet. That's more than I can say for some of you. At least y'all don't rock IZOD shirts, though. So... it's a wash.

Well, until next time, you've been blogged.

Andy Napier, you're FIIIIIIRED

-So, here I am, back in the swing of things, and it only took a month and a half. Health update should be the primary focus, I guess; I'm still passing out, and on a semi regular basis. I've been taking medication again, but it doesn't seem to be doing a lot to stem the tide. Beyond that, I'm tip top. At least I'm not having much trouble reading anymore.

-Second item of business; the title of this post. Yes, I got fired. Well, I'm technically suspended right now, but as my manager told me in the message she left, that's pretty much just a formality. I was accused of theft, I told them I hadn't stolen anything from them (what on earth would I want to steal from that god awful place anyway?) but the damning evidence (a phantom candy bar wrapper that miraculously disappeared from near my work station) spoke for itself, apparently. Fuck Factory Card Outlet. I'd like to never work for a corporation again, but I somehow doubt that I'll be able to avoid it. It's interesting to go from assistant manager to out on your ass in the space of two hours though. Not that I'd reccomend it to anyone. Just interesting.

Alright, back to the irreverent content that has made this blog the shit for lo these many months.

-The new "Family Guy" episode leaked. Jokes about GI Joe PSAs are funny no matter what. Thankfully I don't have long to wait to see this again on broadcast. ANIMATION DOMINATION. Has anyone seen those promos? I can't tell if "Malcolm" is going to be animated next week or if it was just for the promo. Because animated Hal might be too intense for me.

-Saturday is Crush Day and because I watched "Ladyhawke" last night, mine is Michelle Pfieffer.

Beyond that, I got nothin'. Until next time (guaranteed to be sooner than the last time), you've been blogged.

A (Hopefully) Brief Hiatus

I'm sure all of you are just aching for the Blogaversary post at this point, but it's going to have to wait until I get some of this medical shiz cleared up. I've been having heavy recurrences of past problems with regards to passing out, general dizziness, blurred vision, etc., so the time I've been online in the past week has been brief and somewhat difficult. I'm sure I'll be fine, but I just didn't want anyone to wonder what had become of me.

I did see Constantine and Cursed-Gu over the weekend. I loved every single second of Constantine, so fuck haters. I don't care if I ever read any more Hellblazer, I just want Constantine 2. Cursed-Gu was very "eh", but Pacey was in it, and that was cool. Christina Ricci's skeleton was the star, and she's just as good an actress as her flesh, but not nearly as hot. Kind of takes away from the formula. Anyway, if anybody wants to hang out, you know where I'll be. Peace.

-Andy