Def Jam: Fight for New York OWNS your white ass

This is really, really good. It's definitely the most fun fighting game I've ever played, and the game that "Fight Club" prays it will be when it is released. Listing all of the fighters would be way too tough, but how about I list a few such as...

DANNY F'N TREJO


Something for the ladies.

Man did they ever do a good job with this guy's face.

Flava Flav and Erick Sermon are in it as well, which makes old school fans of hip hop, like myself, happy. I don't proclaim to be "gangsta" or whatever shit like that, but this game makes me want to load on the bling and get tons of tattoos. The insane amount of music is great too. Normally I'd hate on some of the conceprts of the game, such as needing to give Jacob the Jewler a bunch of scratch becasue you need jewelery to build up your charisma, but it's just a seamless part of this game, like going Dark Side in Knights of the Old Republic. Also, I really enjoyed making Omar Epps tap out. The game really needed M.O.P, just so "Ante Up" could have been on the soundtrack. That might be my biggest criticism. Anyway, it's on all three platforms, so GET IT NOW.
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I was watching Triple H versus Shelton Benjamin from RAW last night, trying to reconcile what I swear are memories of Shelton having fairly groovy offense as a tag heel with the match in front of me, where it looked like his left arm was dead and all could think of to do was PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH. And Jim Ross talking about his NCAA amateur cred while he's PUNCH PUNCH PUNCHing created even more cognitive dissonance. Where did all of his nifty transitions go? Wrestlers are so much less interesting as faces.
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Yeah, that's all for today, really. Again, FIGHT FOR NEW YORK. NOW.

He finally got his comeuppance.

From Dave Meltzer:

"Ray "Big Bossman" Traylor passed away suddenly at his home tonight. Traylor, who was 42, got his start as Jim Cornette's bodyguard Big Bubba Rogers in 1986 after he left his job as a prison guard in Marietta, GA.

After leaving Crockett promotions over pay, his real life job became his gimmick as the Big Bossman, the evil prison guard, who had a big run with Hulk Hogan.

He was also a major star with All Japan Pro Wrestling as Big Bubba in the 90s, before returning to the WWF in recent years.

At this point his death is a mystery. He had not been complaining of feeling bad, other than a bad knee. His wife found him in a room tonight and he wasn't breathing. Paramedics were unable to revive him."
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I always really liked the Bossman. Thought he was a tremendous talent back in the late '80s and early '90s, especially for his size. He really seemed to "get" wrestling. I still remember Hogan superplexing him off the top of that old blue barred steel cage on Saturday Night's Main Event. That was the most incredible spot I'd ever seen at the time, and probably remained so for the next few years. He really was a great of that era.



I know we goofed on you a lot, but you were one hell of a heel.

Contemptible Cody Content and other stuff

Here is an excerpt from a conversation I just had with your pal and mine, Cody McLaughlin.

Cody: I might get a job at Abercrombie

Andy: And your transition into a guy that I would normally completely hate is almost finished.

Cody: :-( Yeah, I dress like an Abercrombie guy and yeah I'm in a fraternity. SO WHAT? You shoulda seen me tonight. Decked out in the AF shorts and shirt with the collar popped It was AFalicious.

Way to be, Code Man. "Cha, Uncle Frank!"
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I'm working about fifty hours a week for the next month. That might be no great shakes to some of you out there, but I'm not used to that kind of schedule. So, other than weekends, I'm going to be dead, more or less.
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The night for the flesh feasting corpses double has been changed to Friday, September 24th, so if anyone is down, come with. I'm basically resolved to see these movies no matter what, but I'd rather not see them by myself.
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The reason for the change in schedule is that Andrew reminded me that we have a date with GALLAGHER on Saturday night. Oh, and RJD2. But GALLAGHER! I haven't seen anything he's done since the late '80s, and I only thought it was "eh" funny then. For some reason though, I've always badly wanted to see him live. I can't explain it. Maybe the mystery will be solved this weekend.
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Dave is moving back to Columbus full time on Saturday, which is as much a cause for celebration as anything I can think of.
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The "Dawn of the Dead" set is ruling me lately. Three cuts of the film, plus the retrospective documentary is DA BOMB. "Is that a comb?"
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Le Savvy Fav last Saturday was easily the best band I've seen since the Dirtbombs gave me my mantra in March. Rarely have I seen a more charismatic front man. I think that's the word I'm looking for, at least. He knows who Jimmy Snuka is, too. That puts him a cut above in my book.
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I apologize to the loyal blog nation for not bringing the content in the past couple of days. The shock of the Noble firing sapped all of my good will, and having a job made sure that it stayed sapped. I promise to do better in the future.

Sayanora from this guy, who needs to get up for work in about four hours.

Off to a better place...

Jamie Howard Noble's WWE Career

June 2002-September 2004



What does it say of a man's legacy that the best "out of character" picture I can find for him is blurry and features him inexplicably showing his forearm to the camera?

I guess WWE needed the money to sign those all important free agents, Mabel and Gangrel. Is there a Russo in the house?

Wrestling wise this is great though, both Japan and the Indys provide a plethora of nice looking matches for Noble. Business wise, it just underlines the retarded chimpittude of WWE's front office.

My favorite time of all.

Look who's back... back again. Chick is back... tell a friend

"There's comics in there that'll show you how to get to Heaven!"

The unintentional comedy scale just went OFF THE CHARTS.

It's Mighty, it's Beloved, it's Smackdown

I'm a little late. I went to work early to make sure I could deposit my check before the bank closed. Then I went to the High Five with Andrew to see some rapsters after a quick stop off at Wendy's to change clothes. I got it done though!

WHAT WORKED

The tag belts are on the line. Kenzo so deeply needs a red, white and blue Flair robe. The crowd is behind Kenzo early with a rousing U-S-A chant. London is taped up like Ricky Morton in the famous tag against the Horsemen and I would welcome a revisiting of said old school angle. Kenzo works over Kidman early and Kidman gets cut off BEAUTIFULLY after a fucked up bulldog. Kidman bitches out on the Shooting Star (much to the relief of the ribs of Kenzo Suzuki) and he walks out of the ring. We go to a commercial and the first one up is that fucking CrazyWorld commercial. It made me yearn for some sweet P Funks, but Andrew and I had already killed them dead. We come back and Renee is working on London's arm. They so deeply need to get to the point where London is in a full body cast because he is the grooviest babyface in the company and his comebacks are so much fun. PLUS HE WILL FUCKING DIE 4 U. Jesus. That's a really nice Super kick. Renee with the perfectly fine Michinoku Driver and then the Kenzo STO and that's that. I was hoping for a few more comebacks, but this finish made sense actually, so I can't complain other than to say that the Kidman angle is pretty lame. I'm glad Kenzo is sporting the gold. America isn't Japan, in case you ordered those World Japan tapes and said to yourself. "This Kenzo Suzuki is the shittiest wrestler to ever stink up a ring." See what American booking and a hot valet can do for the Japanese underachiever? Revel in the glory of America. Throw up on your shoes when you watch Billy Kidman show his dramatic range. London acts his ass off. He is so the Best Possible Tito Santana.

Rey Rey is great looking like he is pissed while wrestling. Oh shit, it's Hardcore Holly. OH SHIT. It's RVD. Why? Why is this happening? Eh. RVD and D-Von have a perfectly fine little section of the wrestling. Spike drags Gymnastica by his pony tail and the world squeals in delight. He's fucking horrible selling the chinlock and Rey Rey saves us all by making the save. Holly is fun with the hot tag - throwing the most hilariously shitty punches ever that you instantly forget when you see the attempt at a lariat. But fuck it. From that point on, it was too much fun to fight the feeling. The finish was fucking beautiful. RVD rocks the hardway juice and I'll take that everytime.

Josh and Angle have a tense moment. It's too soon. Brock just left, it seems like - and now Angle wants more than Josh can psychologically give. We understand Kurt's anger and we understand Josh's position. Sometimes your heart just hits a wall and you can rage against it but it's still a wall. Angle wants Josh - the way his shoulders shake and what they are shaking for. Josh is a broken soul...

Carlito hates kids! Kids aren't cool! Carlito is Epstein! Ah, Carlito, I'm not ashamed to say I cried for you.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK

COLE VERSUS HEYMAN! Ah Funaki. I guess Funaki got fucked out of money by Heyman when they came in for that PPV in ECW. Oh, it's Heidenreich. Peee YOUUUU. This was reeeeeeeeeeeeeetarded. Suck suck suck. Suck. This sucked.

The JBL vs Haas match looked good, what little I saw of it. The postmatch section so didn't work. COME ON! YER IN FUCKING OKLAHOMA! YOU'RE FROM FUCKING TEXXXAS. YOU CAN'T COME UP WITH ONE FUCKING INSULT? Bahhhhh... why do I even ask... JBL, since when were you so generous and inarticulate?

Booker T is upset about changing clothes. The use of the amusing Teddy Long isn't enough to make it in any way redeemable. It's the stupid details my heart is breaking for. Booker T is a lumberjack.

Cena calls Booker T a bitch. He doesn't wear a Billy Sims throwback so fuck allllll this. The truth can't hurt you, it's just like the dark...

Trojan Warm Sensations. That warm sensation is the actual labia you are touching with your little fella and that you are inseminating because - whoops! - your crappy condom just broke. Then you cry and say, "I want to hear he pleases you more than I do." She says, "You're as wide and empty as some ocean. I won't ever lie relieved on your shore." And you fall into depression. "I want you to hold me, enfold me.... Don't stare so cold at me..."

TOP MODEL (YES! ANDREW! YES!) has the longest commercial ever. Instead of saying whatever they are saying, they should just say, "We ain't got a bumpin' booty between us." Tell them. TELL THEM! TELL THEM. TELL THEM of your anaconda and it's screening process! TELL THEM! Go ahead. Your Anaconda. It has standards. As does mine. Go ahead.

They introduce the lumberjacks. And go to a commercial. I'll change my pants. Ah yes. Sweet sweet sweatpants. Nothing like it after rockin' out... They kinda have a lumberjack match with the goofiness that that entails. Then we go to a commercial. Angle works Eddy over when we get back. The babyface lumberjacks start an Eddy chant while Eddy is fighting out of the Abdominal Stretch and that was good use of the folks at ringside as it leads up to Eddy suplexing to offense. Angle cuts him off and sends him into the face contingent. Eddy goes for the Locomotion Suplex but Angle turns it into an anklelock but Eddy counters and this rules. Luther cheats and Angle hits a SWEEEET SuperPlex. And then everybody runs in and then THE BIG SHOW! comes out and chokeslams everybody. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

Sleepy time shenanigans

Can't lead with the good stuff, because my Ruby Tuesday's tidbit just can't follow it.

So, as advertised, I did make it to Ruby Tuesday's after work and FINALLY got to see the Heroes of History. Somehow, even after the months and months of pimping, I still didn't have very high expectations, and they easily shattered them. Really fun, rockin' band. I took advantage of the "five dollar merch special" as Andrew likes to call it, picking up a medium t-shirt that I'll never be able to wear, TWO stickers, and a CD. RAWK. Maybe I'll put the shirt up on the wall in a frame next to my KEN FOREE AUTOGRAPH. YES!!!

Okay, so the return of the mighty and beloved Smackdown Workrate Report is set for the afternoon, before I head off to work. In the mean time, I give you the goods.

Hot Topic is an intrinsicaly cynical company, happily selling us our memories at marked up prices. Generally, I despise them. Every once in a while, one of their products manages to make my day, however. This is such a product.



Two words: Contra Code.

THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT!

Work sucks, I know (Yeah, I just quoted Blink 182. You want a piece of me?)

I've been working a lot lately. Work is stupid. I never see anybody anymore. I work, I come home, I sleep. What a bunch of horse shit. It wouldn't be so bad if my work schedule wasn't so erratic, but there you have it. Regardless, the main problem is that I don't see people anymore. I haven't seen Lee, Franz, or Lucas in about three and a half weeks. I haven't seen Ashley in three. I think I saw Kris, Adam, and Keith the same time I last saw Franz. Kehn and I hung out a couple of weeks ago for a little while. I've been making an effort to get over and see Jason with his busted leg and all, but he'll be gone soon, back to Cincinnati. I don't even see Andrew any more hardly. I need to make plans with people more often. I really do. Anyway, off to work. Laterz.

Zell~!

Aside from me sort of wanting to write in a vote for Zell Miller on the presidential ballot, this RNC has been a lot lot sleazier than the DNC. In Cheney's speech... he said "Kerry" SIXTEEN times. He said "Bush" four times.

Also, this Donnie McClurkin asshole they trotted out. Who's he? He's one of the two musicians playing before Pataki and Bush go on. Why am I mentioning him? Because he's said that gays are killing kids, and an additional immense amount of vile homophobic shit. Sheri Dew, who gave the invocation on Monday, has compared supporters of gay marriage to supporters of Nazism. No, seriously, she's said that! Dennis Hastert, who seems to have had some role in the convention, said that George Soros is funded by "drug groups", and when asked whether he meant drug cartels, didn't say no. Then there's Rick Santorum and his association of bestiality with homosexuality. I'm sure I could find significantly more, given another three or four minutes. Michael Moore didn't even speak at the Democratic convention. All of these people had prominent, official on-stage roles at the Republican convention.

The Bush campaign is the K Car to Kerry's '72 El Camino.

Flame Head DOWN!

In a testament to just how much more exciting some people's lives are than mine (albeit it in a preferable way in this instance), who should I see getting cuffed on Headline News last night but Abe? That's right, the wacky, freegan, anarchist Farscaper himself stood his ground last night at the Republican National Convention, refusing to be moved. He even did that passive resistance going limp thing, and was luckily not beaten about the head and neck. To my knowledge. So yeah, he's one of the 1,187. Luckily, it's nearly impossible to miss Abe in a crowd. Anyway, I thought people would like to know. Send a shout out to the Universe for him, though. Unfortunately, I can't find a specific picture of Abe... so here are some protesters wearing pig snouts.