It's Mighty, it's Beloved, it's Smackdown

I'm a little late. I went to work early to make sure I could deposit my check before the bank closed. Then I went to the High Five with Andrew to see some rapsters after a quick stop off at Wendy's to change clothes. I got it done though!

WHAT WORKED

The tag belts are on the line. Kenzo so deeply needs a red, white and blue Flair robe. The crowd is behind Kenzo early with a rousing U-S-A chant. London is taped up like Ricky Morton in the famous tag against the Horsemen and I would welcome a revisiting of said old school angle. Kenzo works over Kidman early and Kidman gets cut off BEAUTIFULLY after a fucked up bulldog. Kidman bitches out on the Shooting Star (much to the relief of the ribs of Kenzo Suzuki) and he walks out of the ring. We go to a commercial and the first one up is that fucking CrazyWorld commercial. It made me yearn for some sweet P Funks, but Andrew and I had already killed them dead. We come back and Renee is working on London's arm. They so deeply need to get to the point where London is in a full body cast because he is the grooviest babyface in the company and his comebacks are so much fun. PLUS HE WILL FUCKING DIE 4 U. Jesus. That's a really nice Super kick. Renee with the perfectly fine Michinoku Driver and then the Kenzo STO and that's that. I was hoping for a few more comebacks, but this finish made sense actually, so I can't complain other than to say that the Kidman angle is pretty lame. I'm glad Kenzo is sporting the gold. America isn't Japan, in case you ordered those World Japan tapes and said to yourself. "This Kenzo Suzuki is the shittiest wrestler to ever stink up a ring." See what American booking and a hot valet can do for the Japanese underachiever? Revel in the glory of America. Throw up on your shoes when you watch Billy Kidman show his dramatic range. London acts his ass off. He is so the Best Possible Tito Santana.

Rey Rey is great looking like he is pissed while wrestling. Oh shit, it's Hardcore Holly. OH SHIT. It's RVD. Why? Why is this happening? Eh. RVD and D-Von have a perfectly fine little section of the wrestling. Spike drags Gymnastica by his pony tail and the world squeals in delight. He's fucking horrible selling the chinlock and Rey Rey saves us all by making the save. Holly is fun with the hot tag - throwing the most hilariously shitty punches ever that you instantly forget when you see the attempt at a lariat. But fuck it. From that point on, it was too much fun to fight the feeling. The finish was fucking beautiful. RVD rocks the hardway juice and I'll take that everytime.

Josh and Angle have a tense moment. It's too soon. Brock just left, it seems like - and now Angle wants more than Josh can psychologically give. We understand Kurt's anger and we understand Josh's position. Sometimes your heart just hits a wall and you can rage against it but it's still a wall. Angle wants Josh - the way his shoulders shake and what they are shaking for. Josh is a broken soul...

Carlito hates kids! Kids aren't cool! Carlito is Epstein! Ah, Carlito, I'm not ashamed to say I cried for you.

WHAT DIDN'T WORK

COLE VERSUS HEYMAN! Ah Funaki. I guess Funaki got fucked out of money by Heyman when they came in for that PPV in ECW. Oh, it's Heidenreich. Peee YOUUUU. This was reeeeeeeeeeeeeetarded. Suck suck suck. Suck. This sucked.

The JBL vs Haas match looked good, what little I saw of it. The postmatch section so didn't work. COME ON! YER IN FUCKING OKLAHOMA! YOU'RE FROM FUCKING TEXXXAS. YOU CAN'T COME UP WITH ONE FUCKING INSULT? Bahhhhh... why do I even ask... JBL, since when were you so generous and inarticulate?

Booker T is upset about changing clothes. The use of the amusing Teddy Long isn't enough to make it in any way redeemable. It's the stupid details my heart is breaking for. Booker T is a lumberjack.

Cena calls Booker T a bitch. He doesn't wear a Billy Sims throwback so fuck allllll this. The truth can't hurt you, it's just like the dark...

Trojan Warm Sensations. That warm sensation is the actual labia you are touching with your little fella and that you are inseminating because - whoops! - your crappy condom just broke. Then you cry and say, "I want to hear he pleases you more than I do." She says, "You're as wide and empty as some ocean. I won't ever lie relieved on your shore." And you fall into depression. "I want you to hold me, enfold me.... Don't stare so cold at me..."

TOP MODEL (YES! ANDREW! YES!) has the longest commercial ever. Instead of saying whatever they are saying, they should just say, "We ain't got a bumpin' booty between us." Tell them. TELL THEM! TELL THEM. TELL THEM of your anaconda and it's screening process! TELL THEM! Go ahead. Your Anaconda. It has standards. As does mine. Go ahead.

They introduce the lumberjacks. And go to a commercial. I'll change my pants. Ah yes. Sweet sweet sweatpants. Nothing like it after rockin' out... They kinda have a lumberjack match with the goofiness that that entails. Then we go to a commercial. Angle works Eddy over when we get back. The babyface lumberjacks start an Eddy chant while Eddy is fighting out of the Abdominal Stretch and that was good use of the folks at ringside as it leads up to Eddy suplexing to offense. Angle cuts him off and sends him into the face contingent. Eddy goes for the Locomotion Suplex but Angle turns it into an anklelock but Eddy counters and this rules. Luther cheats and Angle hits a SWEEEET SuperPlex. And then everybody runs in and then THE BIG SHOW! comes out and chokeslams everybody. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.