To all you Jews and Christians out there

Go ahead and have yourself a reflective weekend. I don't really know what Jews do for Passover aside from the Seder, but I'm going to end up in church on at least Sunday.

For all you atheists, agnostics, or just plain non-Judeo Christians, pass the peace pipe or watch Star Wars or something.

Maybe I'd do better in school if I was studying while everyone else is worshipping. Damn atheists. They get all the breaks.

Speaking of all that, though, I really need a http://www.christianthrowbackjersey.com/index2.html

Specifically, this Obadiah jersey is rather fetching.



You know what got cancelled? STACKED. Yes Stacked, the awesome bad Pamela Anderson star vehicle sitcom, where she works at a bookstore and has huge breasts. Scrubs is on the bubble, as is The Loop, which stars Bret Harrison from Grounded For Life. These shows have a personal stake for me as my only two current man-crushes are the star of each. Both are fine entertainment as well.


BRET~!

Ever watch Grounded For Life? Megyn Price is sinfully hot as the mom.


Daddy like.

And crazy Scientologist or not, I could fix Lynsey Bartilson. I know I could. Oh yes.


Lynsey and BRET~! (again, just because he's so fly).

We are so goddamn old

So... Ashley and I went to Studio 35 tonight, the plan being to see Failure to Launch, V For Vendetta, and Dazed and Confused. By the way, we have determined that while it was not the strangest movie we'd ever seen, Failure to Launch may be the wackiest movie ever committed to film. I can't find a screencap of Terry Bradshaw's bare ass, which may have been the highlight of the entire film, but suffice to say, it was great. The movie itself was something you've seen a thousand times before, but fuck it, I liked it well enough.

V For Vendetta was up next, and a week after seeing a movie where Countess Elizabeth Bathory was the main event heel, we get a film where Guy Fawkes is the top babyface. I thought about this for way too long. I also paid too much attention to people far away from us laughing and clapping randomly throughout the movie. I'm going to have to see this again while not drunk, for sure.

Now we come to the purpose of the post. About halfway through V, Ashley asked "Are we ever going to watch a late movie again?" We hadn't discussed it, but I had no reason to object. I did not want to sit in that theater for another hour and a half, period. Why? We're 23 years old, in the prime of our life. And we can't sit there and watch a classic Linklater film? Old, sad, lame, jerks we are. So pathetic.

I don't know what can be done about it, but from April 21-27, Oldboy, one of my favorite movies of the decade, is the late movie at 35, and I don't care what I have to do; I'm going to stay and watch it. Who wants to support me on this?


Hey, Oh Dae-su, can you believe those pussies walked out on Ben Affleck with a paddle? What a couple of bitches.

A Weblog looks at 300

300 posts. Has it really been so many? It seems like just yesterday I was recapping Smackdown and musing on the genesis of my relationship with Julia. The first post was on January 22nd, 2004 at 4:22 pm, making this blog a splash over two years old.

Up front, I'd like to apologize for the lateness of this entry. I had originally planned to do it over the weekend, but I wanted to let a few more things happen, so I could report on them and make this milestone entry the epic that it deserves to be.

So, first of all... I have a lot of wacky pictures I haven't used yet. So here it comes... PICTURE PARTY '06!!!!!!!


Okay, yeah, this picture has been on Andrew's blog. But come on... it's so good it deserves to be somewhere where a few people will actually see it. ZING!


Look. It's The Undertaker. He's sitting up. That's all I got.


It's a pirate keyboard! Get it!?


As Andrew might say, that guy's got it all figured out.


How do you do research for claims such as this?


She's still alive, you know. And she also sees your sinning.


I didn't even know Barbie was political.


SOMEBODY MAKE THIS


That's good to know. "Just practicing my jiujitsu, mom. Yeah, that's the ticket."


This came up at April and Keith's place last Sunday, and I felt the need to prove its existence.


Somehow the fact that it's Stoker makes it not gay. I'm not sure why the man he's cornholing is a Far Side character, though.


We're goin'. We're fuckin' goin'. I don't care where it is.


I go through this every day without fail.


This is why America is falling behind. Soft babies who haven't had their necks stretched.


Sometimes I dream about things like this. If we're going to have an evil overlord, it might as well be Kurt.


What did people do before Photoshop?


Oh, right. Cartoons were just ACTUALLY that ridiculous.

And finally, to keep the cartoon theme going, my future tattoo chimes in...


This has been Picture Party '06! Thank you for coming! You've been beautiful!

******************SPOILER ALERT*********************

ASHLEY, AVERT YOUR EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, we good?

"Stay Alive" is the greatest film of the entire decade. If you go to that bullshit IMDB website, they'll try to tell you that it's the 61st worst movie ever made. Don't believe it for a second. Clearly nobody voting took into account that this movie stars both Frankie Muniz AND Adam Goldberg. That's right. Agent Cody Banks and the Hebrew Hammer, together at last. Fuck haters.

Fra Diggler talked the flick up on his own sucka blog, but he gave the movie a measly seven thumbs up, not truly encapsulating the brilliance contained within. Therefore, I have to offer my own summation. A MILLION BILLION STARS. All those fuckers who voted it to the depths, wedging it between "The Foreigner" and "King Kong Lives" obviously hate freedom. None of them ever would have thought to book Countess Elizabeth Bathory as their main event heel either. I certainly wouldn't have. Absofuckinglutely brilliant. This could be the best spring ever coupled with the Kane movie.

****************SPOILERS OVER (not that there were any, really)**************

So... what else? Oh, I'm reading the Superstar Billy Graham book. The wrestler, not the evangelist. Other than the first Foley book, I think this is the best wrestling book I've ever read. I reccomend it to Franz, specifically.

ROBYN~! with "Be Mine" is the new best song ever. Why it wasn't on the "Stay Alive" soundtrack, I'll never know. Seriously though, you want some awesome Swedish pop, get this now.

Of the Dead Night II was a rousing success. We need more beer for round three, but Adam is finally indoctrinated properly. Bring on the remakes and derivatives!

Uh... anything else? Oh, this blog has a new name. I figured it was appropriate, what with the milestone. Maybe I'll switch it up again at 500.

Anyhow, I just want to thank everyone who's been here from the beginning. It's about you, guys. It's about YOU!

Now... DAT'S Church.

A Good Day Today

It was a day like any other. I went to school, I came home, I watched my DVRed episode of "Just Shoot Me" and wasn't planning on any big fun. Oh yes. JUST SHOOT ME. But then... I got into a back and forth on Myspace with Funky D about what was going down TONIGHT. Turns out, nothing. So I offered to make dinner and hang out. And we did. That's right, folks. Andrew came over and we BRO'ED DOWN on two hamburgers, two hot dogs, and four Parliament Lights. You know what smokin' leads to. Naturally, we were in the market for some libation. Unfortunately, we both realized that we were completely broke until midnight.

So I donned my fedora, coiled my bullwhip, and started calling Andrew 'Shortround.' And for the next half hour or so, we searched tirelessly for riches. When all was said and done, we hauled in an amount that looked quite similar to THIS



Was it enough? Is it ever enough? At Habib's, it IS. I also learned that Habib trusts me enough to work the cash register by myself. I didn't need to today, but it's good to know. Anyfart, Drewsaster and I were soon declaring war on our livers and bombing them with PBR Tallboys (fuck you, Bourbon Street douche). It was a good day in '06.


Me and Andrew, if we were bears.

Another Tight Blog Entry

But first...

A Word With Cody McLaughlin: I Love Hip Hop Edition!

Cody: I have a song for you to download.

Andy: What is it?

Cody: Ray Cash "Bumpin My Music"

Andy: I'll do it, but this sounds like a bad idea.

Cody: The song isn't specia. The beat is cool. You know what? Nevermind. Just forget I said anything.

Andy: Too late. In progress.

Cody: Maybe you'll really like it. Probably not. I like it. So, yeah, probably not

Andy: Maybe Limewire will not be able to find it.

Cody: MAYBE~!

(A few minutes later)

Andy: What the fuck is this shit!? Tubular bells?

Cody: Yeah, the beat isn't even that great.

Andy: I saw that "bread and bologna" video. It pissed me off.

Cody: Yeah, thanks for ruining my life Mannie Fresh.

Andy: Wow. lolirl

Cody: It took me a minute to figure that out. But, word.

This has been A Word With Cody McLaughlin.

Anyway, I don't have much else, but there is something important to me I'd like to touch on.

The Cavs made the god damn playoffs. Oh yes. In his third try, King James has led the Cavaliers to the promised land. Hopefully they can go a couple rounds deep and make Lebron want to resign with Cleveland. We cannot afford to lose him now, that's for damn sure.


LONG LIVE THE KING!

E-served!

I just got the most curt rejection in the history of EVER. I had E-mailed a woman in my winter quarter English class about possibly having lunch with me some time in the next couple weeks. Predictably, she did not check her student E-mail until the end of spring break, at which point she replied with...

"Hi Glen. I just got your message. I'm not interested in having lunch with you."

OHH SNAP!!!!!

Separated At Birth?

I hereby demand that our own Keith Jackson cut his hair, shave his face, and start wearing fedoras. Davekwon and I went to see Dave Chappelle's Block Party last night, and sweet Jesus did Dave hit on something all too true.





Keith IS Mos Def. Or at least, he could be.

We also determined that for Halloween, Dave will be trick or treating as Mos Def while I will get gussied up to play Don Cheadle. Oh yes. OHHH yes.

You... have been blogged. And Keith... has had his life changed.

The Doug (This entry brought to you by Andy Napier and Ashley Wassmuth)

Sometimes you go into a movie expecting one thing and what you end up getting is entirely different. This was not one of those times. Ashley and I went to "The Hills Have Eyes" (or the Eyes Have Hills) expecting gore and deformed makeup wizardry, and we certainly got it. What defied our expectations was within the movie itself. Consider for a moment... this man.


That's right. That, gentle readers, is Doug. He sells cellular phones. He votes Democrat. He checks out his foxy (possibly underage) sister-in-law as she basks under the desert sun, her perfect bosom... uh... right. Anyhow, that's Doug. We (Ashley and me) hated Doug. But then... something happened.

His wife was shot in the head by a man who had just finished drinking the milk from her fun bags. And then he kidnaps Doug's baby. Oh yes. This displeases Doug. Partially covered in his dead wife's blood, Doug sets off for revenge. We (again, Ashley and me) laughed heartily at this young man, seeing his impending doom coming a mile away.

But no... it was not to be. Because somewhere in here, Doug... became... DOUG~!



Your eyes are not playing tricks on you. This is the same dork as before, with the "awesome" knob cranked way up and then snapped off, set for the rest of the movie at "11."

I don't know how to truly convey the bad assedness of DOUG~! You'll just have to see the movie. There are some uncomfortable moments that I did not mention in this post, because they don't affect DOUG~! directly. However, once you get past those, it's another 45 minutes of one man's metamorphosis from this...



to THIS.



Fuck me running, this was a fine, fine movie.

Follow me into a solo

I'm in the midst of making a mix CD for Keith, and I'm having trouble filling the space. It's called"Rapster's Rapping Renaissance" though. I'm sure it'll start flowing if I just give it some more thought. There's always room for Shaq.

A Word With Cody McLaughlin

Cody: Hey, you know what? NEVERMIND.

Andy: Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

Cody: Hm?

Andy: Nirvana lyric.

Cody: You wish

Andy: That's weird. I'm listening to "I Wish"

Cody: Isn't that an R.Kelly song?

Andy: Skeelo

Cody: I believe it's pronounced Ceelo

Andy: You mean spelled. And that's a different guy.

Cody: IT WAS JOKE. CALM DOWN.

This has been A Word With Cody McLaughlin

Time for Funky D to chime in with a "sooner" comment.





See? Totally different guy.

Hey! It's finals week, y'all! I made it! Woot! and stuff.

Or maybe it should be WOOT~!

TILDE BANG!!!!!!!

Dat's Church

I'm at the library and can't use Google Image Search, so there is no picture of said church. For the purposes of this blog, "church" will mean "good." Of course, I probably won't use the word any more. But I will indeed insert a picture of a church when I get home. And you'll know because I'll write "EDIT: HERE IS A CHURCH"

Anyhow, lesse... RAW sucks, Impact sucks, Smackdown is halfway decent 70% of the time, and... yeah... thank Pro Wrestling NOAH for my continued wrestling fandom, because it's the only product that I can enjoy consistently. YAY KENTA. That's right.

I watched the Oscars. I somehow heard the joke "If these Oscars were any gayer they'd be the Tonys" three times in one night. Fuck you, Jimmy Kimmel. I'm singling him out because I don't remember who else used it. Other than that, I watched for Jon Stewart, as I'm sure a lot of people who don't usually watch the Oscars did. Fuck Crash. I saw fifteen movies better than that preachy, nise Robert Altman thing.
Okay, I liked Crash, but Walk the Line is RIGHT THERE and it doesn't even get a nomination? Fuck you, Academy.

Now I'm pissed off. Thanks a lot, Cody. "You should update the blog." God damn it. That is NOT church, Cody.


EDIT: HERE IS A CHURCH