WHAT WORKED
Woo! Yoshi Tatsu! And more importantly, YOSHI TATSU'S MUSIC! His opponent is Pirate Paul, as if anyone cares. Yoshi's wearing his Mitsuharu Misawa commemorative tights. Yoshi with a nice pescado, up top, Burchill cuts him off with a fisherman's superplex. That's not something you see every day. Burchill cuts a Yoshi comeback off with a cool Samoan drop. Burchill will more MOVESET as he uses Bubba Ray Dudley's old full nelson ass buster. Burchill turns the full nelson into a cobra clutch, and he and Yoshi cop the old Austin/Hart Survivor Series 1996 spot with Yoshi kicking off the turnbuckles into a pin. Paul Burchill has clearly seen that match, as he lets go of the hold and doesn't get pinned. Yoshi with a kicktastic comeback as they get to their feet. Yoshi with a graceful top rope spinning wheel kick for a near fall. Burchill cuts him off with a knee to the gut and goes up top. Burchill with an awesome top rope knee drop and I totally bought that near fall. Yoshi drops down behind Paul on a slam attempt, and catches him with his right high kick right to the base of the skull. Super fun match, and I get to hear Yoshi's music TWICE since he won!
More great music, as Regal and his boys, Ezekiel Jackson and Vladimir Kozlov. Oh boy! It's a squash match! The jobbers are DUSTIN BRADY and BRANDON YOUNG. Both of them have decent tans and real wrestling gear. Unacceptable. The jobber union will be furious. Brandon Young strikes a pose upon being announced, and I hate him already. He's showing far too much personality for a jobber. Kozlov kills Brandon with a headbutt and tags in Zeke. Dustin Brady tags himself in, so he's clearly an idiot. Hard Irish whips and BIG BACK HITS abound. This is fantastic entertainment. Zeke pins Brady after his standing Rock Bottom. Just brutal. Brandon tries to help his friend recover feeling in his fingers and gets laid out by Kozlov for his trouble. Regal, Kozlov, and Zeke are an amazing trio.
After the commercial break, the aforementioned trio run into Goldust backstage. Regal versus Goldust on Superstars this Thursday! I might actually have to watch that show for once.
Christian stares at his belt like a lover, as if he's afraid he might lose it to ZACK RYDER. You're not THAT good an actor, Christian.
I want to see Zombieland. Also, the sun is bright.
Christian enters first. Jesse Ventura would be appalled to see the champ have to come to the ring first. Zack Ryder's music begins with the line "Oh radio, tell me everything you know." WHAT? This match should be good, despite that. Tony Chimel is doing the ring introductions after the music stops. I like when they do that because it gives things a more special feel, but do you really need to do that for Zack Ryder? Ryder's offensive arsenal early on consists entirely of knees to the gut, punctuated by shouts of "Come on, bro!" Christian dropkicks Ryder to the floor and then his his swank Silver King dive. Christian, by the way, is really awesome at being a professional wrestler. We go to break at a weird juncture, with Ryder stomping away. Why not hit the break after the dive? I'm going to get a soda. I return to see more midgets. It's not even a Dave & Buster's commercial. I hate this channel. We're back and at least Ryder is still on offense. I hate it when one guy is in command at the break, and by the time they get back, there's been a transition. Matt Striker tries to compare Zack Ryder's career path to Christian's. I know it's his job to be a shill, but at least shill realistically. Ryder keps going back to the gut, even busting out a Stun Gun onto the top rope. I get distracted by wireless netowork issues and Ryder is still working the gut. Christian hits a move that Matt Striker calls THE FLASHPOINT like he's been doing it for ten years. Christian tries for a sunset flip but Ryder goes all Davey Boy on him for a near fall. This match is actually really heating up. Christian finally lands the Killswitch for the win after a bunch of counters and reversals. Great match there.
Regal's music plays and out he comes with a microphone. Regal still considers himself to be the top contender. Christian rudely interrupts him with fisticuffs. OH IT'S ON.
WHAT DIDN'T WORK
Tony Atlas introduces us to the Abraham Washington Show. I've never actually seen one of these. I'm watching in real time so I'm kind of stuck. Someone leaning on his air horn is by far the most entertaining part of this. Abraham's guest is Sheamus, and this is dead before it even begins. Apparently Sheamus and Shelton Benjamin are feuding. I had no idea, and I watch this show. Tony Atlas playing Ed McMahon off in the corner is absolutely hideous. Shelton Benjamin is invited out to further drag down the level of charisma on stage. More god awful comedy as we debate the merits of being a Celtic warrior versus being Sisqo. Sheamus jumps Shelton and they have a fairly decent brawl, wrecking the talk show set. Thank God this ended. That was TEN MINUTES.
Zack Ryder cuts a promo hyping up his title shot in the main event. He's not good at pretending to be intense. Nothing to this.
Gregory Helms interviews Katie Lea who is CONVINCED that he is the Hurricane. Pirate Paul jumps Helms and apparently this feud can't end.
Smackdown! Rebound segment. I wouldn't even bother with it, but I had to watch the horrible goofiness of Undertaker kidnapping Teddy Long again.
Did I miss something as it regards the Dave & Buster's ad campaign? Why is someone's "fun" a midget version of themselves? I feel like I'm walking before learning to crawl with these commercials.
AND THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS!
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