Just What I Needed

Off the top, a big hand for Katie, Meryl, and Funky D himself for a) hosting such a fine do last night, and b) inviting me to said do. Wamp wamp.

While there were a few fine entries by the likes of Donovan as Alex of A Clockwork Orange, Renkes as a human Slyder (correct spelling, I checked up on it), Katie as Rosie the Riveter, and even Sorry Keith Jackson as a socially awkward black man, to deny that our own Andrew took best costume would be ridiculous. And by Andrew, I mean me, Andy Napier, AS ANDREW PATTON. NapDaddy for the win! Girl, you know it's true!

I had it all. Customized Funky D DaDas? Check. Ropeadope hoodie? Big check. Freshly shorn locks? You know this (thanks for the use of your clippers, Donovan). Expertly researched typewritten list of no less than fourteen Andrew Patton talking points? Absolutely. "What's a DVD? Is that like a record with pictures on it?" BALLIN'!

I saw cameras floating around at various points, so hopefully I'll be able to provide a photographic reference soon. I went back and forth so much on whether or not to actually do this costume that I was practically living the Shaq/Ill Al Skratch exchange from the beginning of Mic Check 1-2 from the second album (thanks, Rick!). "Al set it off! Hey yo Ill, you set it off! Hey yo Shaq, set it off! Hey yo Al, you set it off. Hey yo Shaq, you set it off! Hey yo Ill, you set it off. Hey yo Shaq, set it off! I’ll set it off." I guess I'm Shaq, because it was set off!

From memory, here's the costume list. Andrew can fill in some blanks if he remembers things differently/more completely.

ME - Andrew "Funky D" Patton, 2004 edition. FUNKY CLASSIC, Y'ALL! / Andrew Patton 2007 - Taco John. This was actually a fine costume, as he had the oversized novelty sombrero goin' and everything. / Jason Sharp - a walking punchline. While it may seem like I'm being a little mean (probably not to Lee), that was his costume. He had a pirate bandanna, an eye patch for part of the night, and to top it off, a steering wheel affixed to his pants that was in fact, drivin' his nuts. A million billion stars for this effort. / Katie McD - Rosie the Riveter. It was a good costume, don't get me wrong. Full points for accuracy. I just didn't feel like she WAS the Riveter, ya know? / Meryl - Boobilicious witch. Seriously, this costume had to have a tag somewhere that said that. It was awesome. / Mike McD (whom I inappropriately grinded on a couple of times. Couldn't be helped) - giant hot dog. See? It really couldn't be helped. / Nathan Renkes - As noted previously, human Slyder. I think I remember this costume from back in the day, but much like the career of Ed Begley Jr, it just keeps getting better. / Hot Emily - LYDIA DEITZ~! I'm so sad I didn't get this right off the bat, but it was very cool once I was in on the joke. No Harry Belafonte records to complement her though. / Donovan - Alexander DeLarge. Whatever. It looked good, I'll say that. BAD MOVIE. / Weird girl who I think liked me - A bear. Seriously. She was a bear. It was kind of neat. The Office nerd crew got to stand around and talk about bear facts for a few seconds, so this costume works. "FACT. Bears eat beets." etc.

There was also some blonde chick who had a sword who described herself as "a ninja." Shittiest ninja ever. What's worse is that I at first thought she might have been Buffy, and she reacted to this notion like I'd kicked her dog in the neck.

I had a great time, and it was just what the doctor ordered in terms of me getting the Pearl Harbor job out of my mind. Oh, and Paul, you motherfucker, while some at the party found my retelling of our disastrous "London Blitz" conversation to be amusing (thanks entirely, I'm sure, to my dazzling storytelling capabilities), NOBODY AGREES WITH YOU. I do need to see Airborne again though. I don't think I knew who Seth Green was when I first saw it. And I'm definitely sure I didn't know who Jack Black was.

I'd love to dress up as a character from The Office, but it would take some doing. You're pretty much going on the hope that people know a lot about the show and about the quirks of the characters with something like that, because for the most part, it would just be ties and jackets. Oh Halloween gods, why can I not properly honor this series that has given me so much?

Speaking of The Office, I suppose I should weigh in on Season 4, episode 4, Money. This episode features Dwight Schrute playing You Give Love A Bad Name on a recorder. I'll say more than that, but I don't really need to. Kevin making it very clear that Scrantonicity II is NOT Scrantonicity was fantastic, though it's sad that nobody went to see them play. This office doesn't have a very good record of supporting their co-workers. See: Pam's art show last season. Kelly and Daryl's blossoming romance looks to have great comedic potential. "I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that?" To be quite honest, I think that if you're naming an inn at a beet farm, Radish Inn is the way to go. As Andrew would surely agree, when in doubt, go for the best/worst pun, even if it doesn't fit the context perfectly. Beets Motel is fine and all, as is The Embassy Beets, but neither convey the whimsy of the Radish Inn. Great Jim/Pam stuff as well. The kiss was very nice. "Yep, I'm very passionate about Italian food. In fact, um, I'm in love with Italian food." YAY JAM. As Andrew and I discussed upon watching the episode though, Eli's surely coming sooner or later for Jim and Pam. Regardless, I love this show, and I loved this episode.

I guess it would be nice of me to also mention that it's John Krasinski's birthday. I don't hate on him for being with Pam. I can separate the fictional world of The Office from the fictional world of my relationship with Jenna Fischer. Anyway, the birthday boy is 28. Just shy of two months older than Andrew, which I think delights ol' DJ Ops because it means he can RELATE TO JIM. I love Andrew. What an awesome dude he is. He is totally Jim to my Oscar. Ahem. No homo.


I'm sorry, but do you perhaps have something in a "mug?" A two for one sale? Whatever do you mean?


Wow! What a value!

HORRIBLE POTENTIAL TEAM SWITCHING UPDATE: Something happened the other night at Renkes'. I believe it was Tuesday, and we were watching Game 4 of the ALCS. The subject of the Browns came up and Renkes asked who they were playing on Sunday. I knew they had a bye week, so I informed him of this, but added that they were going to be @ St. Louis on the 28th. A gleam came over his eye, and I sensed danger. Indeed, he immediately asked me who the Bengals were playing this weekend. I drew a blank. A complete and total blank. I thought about picking a division opponent at random and just saying that to play it off (glad I didn't, as it turned out they were playing the Jets), but the jig was up. I was more aware of the Browns' schedule nearly two weeks out than I was of the Bengals' in just five days. What the Hell is going on?


A harrowing gaze into my future.

Lex Luger either had a heart attack or a stroke yesterday. It's not entirely clear at the moment (UPDATE: Yes it is. It was a mild heart attack). He is 49 years old, which means it's not completely unheard of, but still, rough stuff. He's had a really bad go of it lately, and last I read he was living in the spare bedroom of a Baptist preacher's house. It's been all downhill for him since WCW closed and WWF had no interest in him. I'm not saying that they should have had any interest in using Lex Luger in 2001, just that you can pretty much mark that down as the catalyst for his downward spiral. That and Miss Elizabeth's death of course. It just breaks my heart. I'm not a big Lex Luger fan or anything, but here's this guy who was groomed to be a superstar from the day he started. He made millions and millions of dollars over the period covering 1985-2001. And now he's flat broke and trying to put his life back together. As the sage Bryan Alvarez often says upon reflecting on situations such as this: "Save your money, kids." Don't mess with Alvarez. He owns a purse once belonging to Scott Norton.


LARGE

While I have wrestling on my mind, I'd like to start getting folks together once a month or so to watch an old pay per view or something. The RAWnaissance was a good idea in theory, but even I don't get much out of that show these days, and mostly watch (and will continue to) because I enjoy hanging out with Keith on Mondays and listening to him defend Triple H. WWE 24/7 has a lot of great stuff just waiting to be gobbled up. The highlight of my week wrestling wise this past month has been watching the ECW TV shows from 1996. I'm aiming this most directly at Lee, Andrew, Keith, Dave, Kehn, and Franz (though I'll probably have to E-mail Franz directly to have any hope of him seeing this), but hey, that Drew guy used to like wrestling, right? We should make this a thing. I'll plan something out for November, try to coordinate nights, etc.

One last wrestling tidbit, this time about a lady. WWE has released Kristal Marshall, possibly the hottest woman in the history of professional wrestling. She's at least the hottest since Sunny was at her peak, that's for sure. I don't care what she did, or how she behaved, or who she rubbed the wrong way. This is totally unacceptable. Plus, what the Hell is Teddy Long going to do now? Will he even want to recover from his Viagra induced heart attack with his wife fired? It's tough times for Mr. and Mrs. Peanut Head, fo' sho'.


Why do you hate me, WWE? Haven't I been good to you all these years?

I have to hit West Virginia today for Pa Frank's 80th. Cousin Annie was originally going to go, but found she had a prior engagement. I'm planning to call her and have her wish the old man a Happy Birthday tonight. I fully expect him to unnecessarily give her a hard time about how his birthday is actually on Monday and then tell an unrelated tale about how many people admire him or the time he and his friend Shorty painted the screen for the drive in theater. I love my grandfather, but he's so fucking crazy sometimes. Lee, should I call you as well? Actually, I'm probably not going to see your response to this because I'll be in the Land That Technology Forgot, so why don't you just shout me a holler sometime before nine if you want to wish him well/get grief.

Andrew and Jason are probably asleep at the moment, dreaming of General Tso's Chicken and egg drop soup. You motherfuckers. IT WON'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT ME. Remember that. I will be rockin' pepperoni rolls (no homo) in the sticks, and LOVIN' LIFE.

Well, I certainly had a lot to say.


Jenna > Panda Inn

And what the Hell, this entry is gigantic anyway, what's one more picture going to hurt? Krasinski should get some extra lovin'. You're only 28 once. "Shut up, go to work."


I love my blog.