This line, spoken by Halle Berry about half-way through "Catwoman", really caught me off guard. She was mockingly apologizing to a vile cosmetics executive for slashing his face with her super-lame Lee Press On Nails, but for a moment I thought she was breaking down the fourth wall and trying to make amends to the audience for what had come before and what was still to come.
And that's all you can really say about "Catwoman". Her bad.
Actually, that's not true. Because I've got a lot to say.
First of all, it was directed by a guy named Pitof. Yeah... more like... PIT OF DESPAIR! LOLZ!
Seriously though, what do you expect when you give a metrosexual Fenchman a comic book movie?
Halle Berry's character is named Patience Phillips, and she's kind of like Selina Kyle was in "Batman Returns", which made me hopeful for about half a second. Timid, unsure, etc. And then all comparisons to the Michelle Pfeiffer portrayal can be dropped.
Frances Conroy has a fairly substantial part as an insane middle aged woman who has a lot of cats (Substitute boyfriends for cats and you've got Ruth Fisher), but sadly, she really sucks in this. At first I thought it was because her range is limited, but I usually like Halle Berry and Benjamin Bratt too, so I think this movie just managed to suck all of the joy and life out of everyone associated with it.
Alex "Lois Griffin" Borstein is probably the best thing in this movie, as a man hungry co-worker of Patience. Damn sight better than Sharon Stone as a serious villain at least.
So, yeah. Avoid "Catwoman" like the plague unless you're hitting Carriage Place on a Tuesday in three weeks. But honestly, is any of this important? No. The important thing is, who looks best in the cat suit?
And I must say... Julie retains the crown in a walk. She can hiss at me while "seductively" rubbing catnip over her face ANY day.
And just because I thought this picture ruled...
"Hey retard, how about a hand job?"
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