WHAT WORKED
ACK! William Regal is the Interim General Manager thanks to Tiffany being in a car wreck. A CAR WRECK. Regal books Christian versus himself, Kozlov, Zeke, and Zack Ryder in a 4 on 1 handicap match. Something tells me that he’s not completely impartial.
Backstage with The Ruthless Roundtable, and Regal is gabbin’ on the celly with Tiffany. She forces him to change tonight’s main event to an eight man tag, with Christian’s partners being Yoshi Tatsu, Tommy Dreamer, and Goldust! WOOHOO! Ryder questions Regal’s credentials as a GM as a result of this. Why? He didn’t make the decision!
Pirate Paul and Katie are out to be inappropriately close. Shelton Benjamin is his opponent tonight, and I have no idea whether or not he’s a baby face. I know for sure that Paul is a heel because he hates the Hurricane, but Shelton hates Sheamus, who is definitely a heel. Speak of the Devil, Sheamus is out to attack Shelton from behind. And also to be pale. Mostly that. He runs Shelton chest first into the ring post and stomps away. I suspect that we may not get a match here. Sheamus throws Shelton back in. Is this actually going to be a match? The referee asks Shelton if he wants to go, and he motions for Pirate Paul to bring it on. The ref allows it. This ref would have his license revoked in Nevada. Paul works him over in the corner and drills him with a nice Saito suplex for a near fall. Burchill finds some neat ways to work over Shelton’s arm, and repeatedly cuts off his comebacks by going back to the limb. Another suplex from Paul, this time of the backdrop variety, and back to the arm. Crowd gets into Shelton, chanting for him to make a real comeback. He powers up to his feet, but gets suplexed. Shelton drops down onto his feet and reaches back for a nice neck breaker. Both men down, and Burchill cuts him off yet again. Okay, this is starting to get a little repetitive. Burchill going for a superplex, Shelton shoves Burchill off the top, and WHIFFS on a blockbuster attempt! Paul drops a knee and covers, two count only. Back to the arm. I GET IT, PAUL. Shelton makes a one-armed comeback, and then nails his finisher out of nowhere for the win. Good match, but the storyline detracted from it.
The Ruthless Table come out together for the main event, which means I may have to hear Zack Ryder’s theme song. We go to break. Hopefully he’ll enter during the commercial. OH RADIO TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW. I hate your song, Zack Ryder. I fear it’s eventually going to make me hate you by association. Goldust needs his old letterboxed entrance with the weird camera angles. YOSHI TATSU’S MUSIC! He waves to the fans because he’s a nice guy and certainly not a creep! Tommy and Zack start, then Goldust comes in as his 2009 Miracle Comeback continues. Matt Striker just called a top rope ax handle the BURNING HAMMER OF YOSHI TATSU. An ax handle. AN AX HANDLE. That is NOT a Burning Hammer. He knows better! Whatever, I can focus again. Lots of quick tags in this one. Nobody has spent more than 45 seconds or so in the ring at any one time. Striker calls a Christian spot the Flash Point for the second week in a row, so I guess that’s the official name for his running, diving forearm smash. Tommy Dreamer goes up top! Fly, fat boy, fly! Aw, he gets cut off. That’s too bad. Dreamer’s getting worked over by all four RULE BREAKERS with Regal laying in a particularly great beating. Christian gets a hot tag but then starts selling big time, so I’d suspect we’ve got the real hot tag coming up. Christian’s strategy to reach his corner is to jump right into the arms of Valdimir Kozlov. What a doofus. His plan did not work. Christian finally makes the tag to Yoshi Tatsu, who Striker refers to as the Falcon Arrow. For Christ’s sake, Matt. You watch a lot of Japanese wrestling. I understand. He and Paul Burchill need to form some kind of belaboring the point themed tag team. Things start breaking down, and Christian gets in his sweet Silver King dive. This leave Yoshi and Regal alone in the ring, with Yoshi hitting his high kick for the… pin! Wow. That was fun, and it means more of YOSHI TATSU’S MUSIC! Ugh. Striker has to call Tatsu the Puroresu Prince just to make sure I don’t leave the show on a happy note.
WHAT DIDN’T WORK
Tony Atlas is out and unfortunately, I now know what that means. The Abraham Washington Show. His guest is John Morrison. The Smackdown! wrestler. Not an ECW wrestler. Is it so important to get the Abraham Washington Show on every episode that they have to poach guys from other brands? Woo, more white people jokes, and just one day after Al Sharpton hosted RAW. Tremendous. Dolph Ziggler appears. Are we acknowledging that ECW and Smackdown! tape together now? If not, why would Dolph be there tonight? I’m thinking about this way more than they did. More “Mr. Ziggles” stuff, which is not at all over. The segment ends with Dolph never saying a word. WHAT WAS THIS?
Christian’s talking to his partners backstage, psyching them up for the main event. Horrible honor-based bowing comedy with Yoshi Tatsu. Even worse comedy with Goldust. This didn’t work, and it certainly didn’t make me want to see them be a team.
AND THAT’S THE WAY IT WAS!
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