Spiders Are Stupid

I was seated here typing, a Diet Pepsi sitting just off to the left of my keyboard. Out of the corner of my eye, I spied a silken thread with a decent sized spider dangling at the end of it. I quickly positioned my empty soda can underneath the arachnid, and he dropped right into it. I laughed. Seriously. My life is very empty, folks, so I have to make my own fun. Anyway, I set the can back down and continued to type. Upon needing a bathroom break, I took the can with me, not even thinking about the spider. If I'd have paused to give it any regard, I'd have probably guessed that it crawled out. I tapped out the trace amounts of liquid remaining in the vessel, and with it came the balled up corpse of my spider friend. The Diet Pepsi can had become an aluminum coffin because the eight-legged freak DROWNED IN A TRICKLE OF POP. Spiders are stupid.