Cuz I can't stop now

Yeah, I quoted Nas. And as much as it pains me to do so, I don't care. Nothing can bring me down today, blog wise. 26 consecutive days of content! I am a machine! Blogbot Twoty-Two. "Take me to your Google Image Search." I think I've just confused robots with Martians, but that's a small point. Wasn't there an evil robot in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians? It stands to reason that the robot was actually built on Mars, so I think that a martian robot isn't really out of the question. Why the fuck can't Martians build robots? Justice for Martians! Justice for Krasinski!


Don't trust The Shins, John! They wish to do you INJUSTICE!

Back to the recent resurgence of the blog to heretofore unseen levels of productivity, I think I can thank the Spacemonster. Seriously, I don't even remember what the original name of the blog was at this point, but it was a pretty productive period. Then it decided that it wouldn't die. That was okay too for the most part. Then it got married. This was a disaster. The wife took over the blog, posted infrequently and mostly about things non-Jenna Fischer related. Now that she's taken up with this Spacemonster character, it's been just great. I don't know what her husband is doing, or why he ceded control of the blog in the first place, but as long as she and the Spacemonster keep it up, I'm totally fine with this arrangement. I wish them much happiness together.

NO SPOILERS, REALLY: I just saw that scene where Pam smiles after Jim walks out of the conference room where she's being interviewed from the end of season 3, and I got chills. I've got chills WRITING about it. This is the greatest show in the history of the earth. I don't care what anyone says. Farscape, move back a space!


Sorry, John. You've been replaced. Don't look at me like that. You don't choose who you fall in love with!


Oh Jenna, not now. He's hurting. Don't rub salt in the wound.

Okay, before I completely lose my mind with this stuff, let me just point out that there are now TWENTY-FIVE days until the release of The Office Season 3 for the DVD contraption. It's a good thing.


Don't jump, Carell! Twenty-five days isn't as long as it seems!

Karl Malone

The post title is indicative of nothing that's happening in this post, other than the fact that it will "deliver." BALLIN'!


The "Mailman" himself with John Stockton, notably not in space.

I'm going to miss Veronica Mars and Gilmore Girls. I just wanted to state that for the record.

Apparently there are blue "Dunder Mifflin Paper Company" t-shirts at Kohl's on sale for ten dollars this week. Andrew? Shall we? It could lead to horrendosity like the time we both wore Trachtenberg Family Slideshow Players shirts.

Andrew has a blog. There's a link to it on the right hand side of my own. It's called Funky Daggers. You should check it out, especially if you're in the Columbus area and want to get hyped for the Budos Band next Thursday. I'd post the link right here in the body of my entry, but I've been having trouble with that lately, so it'd just be the address instead of the name of the blog itself. That looks messy.

I want a snowcone. It's been a long time.

Snowbone! Say snowbone!


Week 5 of God versus Science tonight, and so far it seems to be a draw. I don't think there's supposed to be a clear cut winner or anything, but maybe they'll throw a swerve in. I hope it's this week, because I'm going to miss the final session.

Not sure if I've mentioned this before or not, but Blogger implementing the auto-save feature for blog entries is amazing. Once every couple minutes it saves as a draft what you've written thus far until you publish the post. Over the course of the past three and a half years, I must have lost a dozen entries from computers freezing or me accidentally kicking the cord. A couple of them I tried to reconstruct from memory, but the rest are just lost to the ages forever.

I finished Moneyball yesterday afternoon. Fuck Joe Morgan. I'll feel bad if it turns out he's suffering from dementia or something, but assuming he's not, fuck him in his stupid eye.

I'm still pissed off about Tony Yayo.

What ever happened to the Spice Girls reunion? It was big news for about eight minutes back in June, and I haven't heard anything since. Is it still happening? Are they doing a for real tour? I'd go see that. Also, I saw a recent picture of Mel B and motherhood agrees with her McGuffies. Eddie Murphy is crazy to quit that.

Funky D and I are going to finally see Northern State in November. It's been roughly thirteen grips in the making, so I'm jazzed. No need for a week of blog entries building this one up, DJ OPS.


I would rock their party like a debutante.

As always, at least for the next TWENTY-SIX days, it's your The Office Season 3 DVD release update. I will somehow be at Meijer's or Wal-Mart at 11:59 on Monday, September 3rd, on the PROWL.


She's standing in front of a Land of the Dead poster. What the fuck is my defense for that supposed to be? I've been a sitting duck from the start.

Back From the Pubture

There's no good reason for this picture to kick off the entry, other than as a reminder of a what a fucking awesome movie it is.

You know who's a slept on '2'? Lea Thompson. She was hot as Mrs. McFly. She was hot as Caroline Duffy in the awful Caroline in the City series. I still contend that Franz looks a heck of a lot like "that artist fuck" as he once so eloquently put it way back in 1997.


Awful, awful show. But God damn would I ever ply her with my hideous love.

I can't find a good picture of Malcolm Gets with glasses on. But I swear to the Living Lord Jesus Fucking Christ that he looks just like Fra-Diggity.


Picture him with glasses on. Then picture Franz being indignant at being compared to "that artist fuck." Totally works.

Anyhow, I went to the pub tonight. Ruby Tuesday, specifically. Had a fine time with Abe/Jessi Jetpack/Catastrophe, Dave/Davekwon, and Alex. I don't know her well enough to know a lot of wacky nicknames for her. Regardless, one pitcher became two, two became three, three became Abe playing "C.R.E.A.M." on the jukebox, and then three became four pitchers." It was a gay old time. Snicker at your leisure. It was nice to see young Abraham after nine long months. He's going to harvest cranberries for seven weeks. YA HEARD!? Anyway, OUT.

TWENTY-SEVEN DAYS UNTIL The Office Season Three, so says good pal and friend of the blog Josh. I guess that requires some sort of pictorial proof.


Oh, Jenna. What a nice cat. I like cats. What's that? Your husband, screenwriter/director James Gunn hates cats? What a dick. Would you like to discuss it over mimosas?

UPDATE!

This is being added at a little before 10 am. The rest of the entry was done at about 1:30 am. This could have been a separate entry, but I figured that nobody had read any of this yet due to it being all early and shiz, so why not just pad?

Anyhow, I just had a dream that myself, Andrew, Chops, and Mandy were signed up to star in some kind of updated version of The A-Team. There were sets, vehicles rigged for exploding, the works. And then, at the last minute, ABC called and had my old high school principal deliver the news that our pilot was not being picked up. So we all went to the set, just to see it one time. And then a REAL CRIME broke out. We busted it wide open, at which point ABC had no choice but to pick up the series. We were real heroes now, after all. Flash forward a couple of seasons and I'm hugging BJ Novak because his character has just been killed off and he'll miss us very much. So I guess that contrary to what I wrote on July 31st, I really did care about BJ's birthday deep in my subconscious.


"Hottest in the Office" Dundie Award Winner - 2005

I don't really know what this dream means, although Chops, Mandy, DJ OPS and myself as the crime fighting force of the 21st century is something I can definitely see. Any network heads perusing this blog take note!

Hm... it seems weird not ending this entry with a picture of Jenna. After all, that's how it originally ended. But how could I remedy this?


A scene from the Greatest Love Story Ever Filmed.

Spent

It wasn't groundbreaking, it didn't feature any particularly good wrestling, and I don't think it did anything to turn the ratings around... but by God the Dating Game skit was really damn great. Regardless of how great Regal is, teasing Sandman as the new RAW GM and not delivering was just plain mean.


I hereby decree... SCHLITZ FOR EVERYONE.


Pam is a member of the Chain Gang. Word Life!

This daily update shit is a grind. Every once in a while, I haven't got much to say, and this is one of those days. Sorry, y'all. But hey, it's not all bad news because how many days later is it until The Office Season 3 is playing on a loop in my house?


OH YES!

Four weeks, sirs!


TOBY SIGHTING~!

Controversy Equals Cash?

Television ratings are a strange and powerful force. Most shows don't even get a chance to build an audience anymore. If you don't catch on right away, chances are that you won't be there at mid-season, or at best, next fall. Take Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, a show with an impeccable pedigree by industry standards. Created and largely written by Aaron Sorkin (The West Wing, Sports Night), starring Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford (Eric is a BAD MAN!), and Amanda Peet, and with a tremendous supporting cast including Nate Corddry, D. L. Hughley, and Sarah Paulson, this show looked to be a can't miss proposition for NBC heading into last fall. 22 episodes aired, the first of which drew a disappointing 8.6 network rating, or 13.14 million viewers. By the time the finale got around to airing (after two hiatuses and time slot shifts), it reaped just a 2.7 network rating, or 4.2 million viewers.


HERE IS A CHART FOR YOUR PERUSAL

Anyhow, the point is, people freak out about television ratings. Even when they probably shouldn't. Back in 1998, when the boom hit for WWF, RAW started getting ratings in the 5s, making it the most watched show on cable. In 1999, they hit 6s and even one fantastically impressive 7.2. In 2000, it was regular 6s and a few more 7s, tailing off a bit at the end when the show moved from USA to TNN (now Spike TV). 2001 saw 4s and 5s, 2002 saw 4s, 5s, and a distressing number of 3s. 2003-2006 were largely more of the same, with the company not even approaching the heights of the Austin-Rock glory days. But all weeks RAW is among the top ten highest rated shows on cable, most weeks in the top 5, and some weeks still at the very top.

Now, here in 2007, in the wake of the most horrendous story in the history of professional wrestling, ratings have been slipping. Last week's RAW came back as 2.5, the lowest number the show has done in a decade. This was later determined to be a glitch, but the real number, while not yet released, is not expected to be too much higher. There is pressure on Vince McMahon from Bonnie Hammer, President of the USA Network, to bring the ratings back up to the 4s. There is pressure on Vince McMahon from himself to do the same. But how on Earth do you do that all at once? At all points in the history of wrestling, when a company has gotten hot, it's tied directly to a superstar or hot act being created. Limiting ourselves to the modern era, the World Wrestling Federation was able to successfully expand nationally on the heels of Hulk Hogan's arrival and capture of the WWF Championship. In 1996, an at that point even battle between WWF and WCW was turned into a blowout with the creation of the nWo concept built around Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash, and Scott Hall. A year and change later, it was "Stone Cold" Steve Austin's rebellious streak and soon after, The Rock's swagger, that built the WWF back into the industry leader.

It's now been six years since WWF's ratings began to cool off and also since wrestling was the "in" thing. John Cena is something of a ratings draw, but not nearly at the level of his record breaking predecessors. Bobby Lashley may be there someday, but the jury is still out on him. Who else is there? Shawn Michaels and Triple H, as talented as they are, are past their primes and beginning to show their age. Mr. Kennedy just doesn't feel like a breakout superstar to me. Randy Orton is a star, but not at the level he was expected to be. At 27, he's still young enough to make a liar of me. But it doesn't seem like there's some untapped potential breakthrough star just waiting to be made at this point in time.

Because I'm more rational than people that live and die by TV numbers, I can tell you that the RAW rating will rebound. Right now, they're operating with a veritable skeleton crew. Triple H, out. Shawn Michaels, out. Bobby Lashley, out. Jeff Hardy, suspended. Over on Smackdown, Rey Mysterio, the company's top ratings draw, has been out hurt for months. Ditto the Undertaker, among the most enduring figures in company history. None of these things (with the exception of Rey in Hispanic markets) by themselves can lead to a huge fall, but taken all together, it's badly cut into WWE's average ratings. With Mysterio, Undertaker, Jeff Hardy, and Triple H all set to return to television over the next month, business will improve. Ratings will go up, house show attendance will climb, pay per view buys may even be a bumped a bit. But to look at things this way requires patience. Patience that Vince McMahon and Bonnie Hammer do not have.

To make a long, long, long story short, expect insanity on RAW tonight. I've read/heard rumors of everything from the "Who Killed Mr. McMahon?" storyline resuming in some form, to the end of the brand extension, with RAW, Smackdown, and ECW all coming together as one. WWE is panicked over the ratings trend, and something drastic is going to be done. And in the end, maybe it'll spike that number for a couple of weeks. Hotshot angles usually do. But if you end up right back where you were in a month, what did it really matter?

PHEW. Wow, that felt good.

Hey, we're now in the TWENTIES. TWENTY-NINE DAYS UNTIL The Office Season 3 is in my hot little hands, and more importantly, my DVD player!


Homina-homina-homina

Kismet

Some cosmic shit happened this evening. I decided to holler at Abe (high school buddy) up in Manhattan, seeing as I'd been meaning to for a while now and the last time we spoke was back in November around Thanksgiving. So, I call him up, and he answers. Wouldn't be much more to the story if he hadn't. We chit chat for a couple of seconds, and then I ask him what's he's up to. He says, "About to get on a Greyhound headed for Columbus." You could have knocked me over with a feather. I call him after eight months and it just happens to be on the night that he's preparing to head back home for a few days? Absolutely mindblowing. He'll be in town for a couple of nights, so that should be a good time.

Beyond that, pretty low key day. Studied, stayed in my bath robe until about 2:30, pretty awesome. I did get out to see Blades of Glory for the second time in a six day window, though. Renkes, Funky D and I hit old Carriage Place with a fury! I tried, I really tried, to pay more attention to the rest of the so-called "movie" and its "plot" this time around, but to no avail.


Come on, though. Can you BLAME me?

THIRTY DAYS TILL The Office Season 3 hits the streets! Ya heard!?


Sup, spinstas?

Wops and Tails

Before I get to anything else, I have to mention that according to OfficeTally, the cast and crew were back at work yesterday, beginning prep for season four. WOOOOOOO. I'm not going to start an official countdown to the premiere or anything (not yet at least), but needless to say, this news makes me want to hug someone. Like so.


I'm not even planning these! I swear!

Last night myself, old Renkes, and DJ OPS went to Carabar. We drank, someone(s) may have taken illicit puffs, and then Andrew performed! He got up on a stage and blew into his saxophone. It was awesome. He kilt it. It totally overcame the awful, atonal vocals the songs were built around. Keith even showed up and rocked with us. He is confirmed for Broin' Down 3: Special Broccasion. Starring me as Andy, Adam as Uncle Adam, Funky D as Weekend Warrior and Davekwon as DESIGNATED WALKER. Anyway, congrats to Andrew for coming through big, just tootling away into your brass container of brass.

Remember, just 31 days until The Office Season 3 hits retail stores near you!


Buy it. You don't want to make Jenna sad... do you?

Slow roll to the weekend

I've read another 120 pages of Moneyball since I last posted, and am about 2/3 of the way through it. Aside from spending entirely too many pages looking at the top of every other page and seeing the phrase "Giambi's Hole", what strikes me most about this book is that I want to know how it ends, and actually could find out quite easily. It's a matter of looking up the A's record in 2002. But I think I can hang on for 100 more pages. Maybe. We'll probably see how I did tomorrow.

Last night, I went with DJ Onbase + Slugging (or DJ OPS if you like) to the Rumba for NO MUSIC. There was music being played, but it was inside, where we were not. We were outside, drinking, smoking, and talking about BLOGS. Cuz we're hustlers. Or nerds. Probably the latter in this case.

Weekend starts proper tonight with the former Funky D (and current DJ OPS) playing saxamophone live! On one song! For the DOLBY FUCKERS. I am excited. This will be fun.


Andrew Patton, August 4th, 2007, 12:07 am. He passed away shortly thereafter.

Hey, how do people feel about Blades of Glory on Sunday afternoon? It's playing at 5:10 at ye olde Carriage Place. Obviously it's semi-short notice, but the theater cut back its showings this week, and 5:10 on a weekday isn't very useable. Nor is 10:00. So, DJ OPS? Uncle Adam? What do you say?


Pwease?

This is now officially The Office Season Three DVD Anticipation Station. 32 days and counting!


There, Andrew. Does that look enough like her?

Andy keeps talking

I had a lunch date yesterday. WHAT UP? Yeah, it was pleasant. We're going to go out again, on a nighttime type date. Her name is Michiko and I will say little else in case she knows about the Google. I will say that she isn't Michiko Ohmukai, which is kind of unfortunate. I like her well enough all the same so far.


Tiger Suplex ME, Michiko!

What's doin' with Funky Daggers, huh? Geez, just because a guy moves doesn't relieve him of his blogsponsibility. Sheesh. Stop shirking, Funky Daggers Administrator!


Gags like this are rapidly turning me into a hack, but I don't care.

My friend Paul Collins was all "MENTION ME ON BLOG PLZ" the other day, and I told him that he didn't comment and I didn't actually know him in real life, so TOO BAD. Well, he commented, so I'll throw him a bone. Paul likes cover bands. And Miami Vice. And did I mention cover bands? He likes a band called Power Glove that covers video game music. Yes. Yes he does. I wonder what Lucas has to say about this.


I love the Power Glove. It's so bad.

Pretty much what I imagined.

Adam, how you livin'? Are you ready for Broin' Down 3: Special Broccasion? Keith needs to be in on this one as well. I'll start working on him now, and maybe he'll be worn down enough by the 14th to suffer our company for a couple of hours while wrestling isn't on the television. You know, to provide a safe buffer between him and his friends. I CALLED YOU OUT, JACKSON.

If Adam were a talk show host, he'd be Conan O'Broin. I'm off the hook today. DID SOMEBODY SAY HOOK?


ARRRRRRRRRR! This blog be the bombiest says I!

Andrew, I'm about 80 pages deep into Moneyball and it's amazing. Even the endless chapter on Bill James is fascinating stuff. Okay, I just checked. It's actually got 16 pages to go. Still, more than I ever needed to know about Bill James and why Earl Weaver was on the same page as him without knowing it.


Bill James is BALLIN'!

Cody, what's up, dude? You should come back to PWE. It's off the chain with me runnin' shit. Also, for Christ's sake, get a fuel efficient sedan. Living under the heel of our superior Japanese overlords won't be so bad if you're rollin' around in a Maxima whilst doing so. Anyway, whatever you do, don't be SUV guy. Our friendship has already had to overcome so much in four short years. Including the previous five years where we didn't get along or something. That's according to you. I think I just ignored you for the most part. But still, I stayed by your side as the blog turned on you last year. And the year before. And the year before that. I was your rock when your Abercrombie fixation was at its peak. I even only mildly mocked you when you were routinely jammin' to Milkshake. Don't get another SUV! THE DURANGO WAS BAD ENOUGH.

Hey Adam, you know what I realized the other day? Al Green's take on I Wanna Hold Your Hand is listenable. THAT'S RIGHT. Sadly, neither an Echo and the Bunnymen cover nor a Tribe Called Quest sample could redeem the PAP that is All You Need is Love. I don't know why I'm trying to antagonize Adam. He's never been anything but nice to me. Must be the Beatles fault. Most things are. I'm sorry. I just can't stop.



No caption required. Some things speak for themselves! Especially when they're just words.

I have no Office related news of any kind today. I want to see Blades of Glory again next week. This has been discussed with Uncle Adam and may occur. I hope it does. Maybe I'll be able to pay attention to the rest of the movie this time. KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?


Sweet fancy Moses.

The Four Hundreth

I can't verify this for sure because I don't have fancy tabs like the folks over at Funky Daggers, but I do believe I set my own personal blogging record last month, with 21 entries for July. Unfortunately, the interest level in the blog has bottomed out, but you've gotta take the good with the bad I suppose. Anyway, it's been a fun four hundred entries for the most part, and if I keep up my current pace, the big 5-0-0 is just one hundred days away!

Sorry to anyone trying to get ahold of me via the Internetz yesterday. I was without access for much of the day.

I saw Blades of Glory last night as Carriage Place, not really expecting a whole lot. There's a reason I didn't see it first-run after all. However, there was not one second of this film that was anything less than completely awesome. Five star entertainment. Probably didn't hurt too terribly much that Jenna Fischer was featured pretty heavily either. Also, Dave finally owned up to the irrefutable fact that she is a '2.'


So THAT'S where that outfit came from.

Andrew, you need to see this film. And I need to see it again. It's what Nick Swardson would want.


Anygay...

I'll wrap this up here, but... oh hey, you know who else is AWESOME in Blades of Glory? Amy Poehler. Now... if only I had a picture of her. Hm... BLAOW!


Oh, what luck!